100mgbluepill
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 2, 2010
- Messages
- 152
First off, a little history of myself: When i was 13 i saw my dad get hit by an 18 wheeler he was so close that the semi hit the truck i was in when my dad was slammed by the semi, he died instantly. 2 weeks later my mom gets remarried to who is now my step dad (my mom and dad were previously devorced for serveral years) Needless to say i didnt take it to well, i loved my dad dearly, he was my best friend, he meant the world to me. When it happened my mom tried to get me to see a counsler but i could never open up to some random person so i basically tried to forget that it ever happened and it turned me into a silent kid who just went through daily motions until i graduated from high school. I first started using oxicontin when i was 18 (the first opiate i ever took was 80mg of oc which i just popped not knowing how powerfull that shit is) With a little common sense i started taking smaller doses and nothing had ever made me feel so great. Made me have confidense, hope, desire to live everyday, it made everything interesting and i fell in love. I do have IBS and a broken clavical in my left shoulder and my right shoulder has tons of stretchd out tendons and its been popped out of its socket countless times so i do experince chronic pain on some levels just about every day but nothing i cant handle except the IBS. Last summer the woman of my dreams came out of no where so i decided i would stop taking oc. I went through some withdraws and what not but nothing i couldnt handle. I stayed clean for 4 months until she broke my heart which made me go right back to opiates for about a month until i got off my lazy ass and went out and got a job. Went through withdraws for about a week, couldnt sleep couldnt eat but i still was motivated and not contimplating suicide. Then the IBS really started to act up and this was when i broke my left shoulder (about 8 months from now) So i got 4 prescriptions for percs (10/325) and ever since those prescriptions i have not been able to be happy without some sort of opiate. I am constantly on edge always trying to figure out an easy way out so this can be over. I have panic attacks all the time and i have tried all sorts of anti depressents like seroquel zanax and kpins but they either make me really tired or just plain lazy and they seem to make my stomach problems worse when i take them. I have gone cold turkey from smoking weed for 2 weeks now (after smoking everyday for 2 years) i also went cold turkey from opiates bout 2 weeks ago as well and i have done the withdraws and all of that bullshit but i am constantly on edge, i cannot sleep for the life of me i am having panick attacks and life is just shit. I do not want to wake up in the morning i have no hope i feel like im living a nightmare. I used to snort the oxicontin and some of the percs but if i were to explain my situation to a doctor and have someone else taking care of my dosage and making sure i am just popping them would there be a chance that i could get prescribed some sort of opiate to help with my conditions? I am seeing phycatrist and i feel like im just going in circles, nothing is helping. I want to go to work and get my life back on track and get out my sisters house and live a life of my own but i cant do it in this state and i really dont know what else can do besides maybe get prescribed some sort of opiate to help. If anyone has any similar experiences please chime in. I dont want my life to end with a bullet from my own gun to my head.