Slipping...

I've been good for most of this year. Intermittent benzo and opiate use which never exceeded twice per week, never interfered with my fitness/career/study goals, and seemed to be in check.

Lately, even though things are overall getting better (besides dwindling funds due to lack of employment and the associated stress) I have that old "Addict brain" screaming away.

Basically, the voice that says "get as high as you can regardless of consequences and all the progress you've made."

I've been physically dependent on benzos for a month (relatively low doses - 1-2mg alprazolam a day) and have been chipping at opiates (using no more than 2-3 times per week.) But I'm SCARED. I see the way this is going and am not sure how to stop it.

Everyday I tell myself - stop tomorrow. You've done it before. Be brave, take the week or so of benzo withdrawal, and get right back on the sober horse you were doing so well on.

But...I'm failing. What can I do? I still live a balanced life and swore to never return to the desperation and pain of opiate/benzo dependence and WD. I'm confused and a little lost right now.

Are you sure your addicted to the Xanax? That sounds like a low dose and short amount of time. Maybe the withdrawal if there is any will be mild? The truth is the longer you wait the worse the withdraw is going to be so in that respect there is no time like the present.

The chipping at the opiates is bad news mate, it can quickly return to the desperation of everyday use, every 6-8 hours use, no sleep, constant cramps when no money. Having no gear, physical and mental torture, you know yourself if you've been in active opiate addiction before. Please mate try and lay off the opiates. I'm just going through withdrawal myself and it's not pretty

Acidtek said:

The chipping at the opiates is bad news mate, it can quickly return to the desperation of everyday use, every 6-8 hours use, no sleep, constant cramps when no money. Having no gear, physical and mental torture, you know yourself if you've been in active opiate addiction before. Please mate try and lay off the opiates. I'm just going through withdrawal myself and it's not pretty

Click to expand...

I agree, opiate withdrawal and use is the most pathetic existence I've ever lived through. Quit while you're ahead. I've had actual dope dealers tell me this lol.

Hey mushroom I just wanted to let you know that I feel your pain friend.
I did an extremely slow suboxone taper over the course of 8 years. My life was exactly where I wanted it to be over the course of that time period. I stopped the subs about 2 months ago and came upon a bottle of oxycodone. I started popping them and before I knew it, I had taken the entire bottle over the course of a few weeks. This little relapse has led to BAD depression (or maybe PAWS did?) which is leading me to the desire to escape the pain with H. I'm standing on a precipice right now just as you are and it's a scary and confusing place to be. I can almost hear two sides of myself screaming at one another. We must take the high road and not give up everything that we've worked for. Each time we choose the addiction over sobriety it gains power and momentum. Stop yourself by visiting with friends, playing a video game, whatever coping skills you have and for gods sake, quit the benzos while you're ahead because all of this only gets worse!
Good luck to you.

Nah bro you had friend and someone with firsthand experience tell you this

As for chipping, honestly it depends on the individual but with opiates it's usually all or nothing. Like they said its almost startling how quick you turn to a daily user and being physically dependent sucks. There was a long period I used where I really didn't even get high, a large part of usage just went to not feeling like death.

if benzos were already an issue for you chipping on them prolly wouldn't work either. From what I've heard and seen in IOP w/ds from a decent benzo habit sure as hell ain't a walk in the park either.