infectedmushroom
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 14, 2007
- Messages
- 1,371
I've been good for most of this year. Intermittent benzo and opiate use which never exceeded twice per week, never interfered with my fitness/career/study goals, and seemed to be in check.
Lately, even though things are overall getting better (besides dwindling funds due to lack of employment and the associated stress) I have that old "Addict brain" screaming away.
Basically, the voice that says "get as high as you can regardless of consequences and all the progress you've made."
I've been physically dependent on benzos for a month (relatively low doses - 1-2mg alprazolam a day) and have been chipping at opiates (using no more than 2-3 times per week.) But I'm SCARED. I see the way this is going and am not sure how to stop it.
Everyday I tell myself - stop tomorrow. You've done it before. Be brave, take the week or so of benzo withdrawal, and get right back on the sober horse you were doing so well on.
But...I'm failing. What can I do? I still live a balanced life and swore to never return to the desperation and pain of opiate/benzo dependence and WD. I'm confused and a little lost right now.
Lately, even though things are overall getting better (besides dwindling funds due to lack of employment and the associated stress) I have that old "Addict brain" screaming away.
Basically, the voice that says "get as high as you can regardless of consequences and all the progress you've made."
I've been physically dependent on benzos for a month (relatively low doses - 1-2mg alprazolam a day) and have been chipping at opiates (using no more than 2-3 times per week.) But I'm SCARED. I see the way this is going and am not sure how to stop it.
Everyday I tell myself - stop tomorrow. You've done it before. Be brave, take the week or so of benzo withdrawal, and get right back on the sober horse you were doing so well on.
But...I'm failing. What can I do? I still live a balanced life and swore to never return to the desperation and pain of opiate/benzo dependence and WD. I'm confused and a little lost right now.