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August: getting/staying sober thread vs. seasons end

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neversickanymore

neversickanymore

Moderator: DS
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This thread is for anyone who is trying to get sober for the first time, or has been sober for as much time as 1 day to 30 years. Everyone is welcome to post in this thread. Please adhere to the Bluelight User Agreement and Sober Living Forum Guidelines.

The July thread can be found by clicking >here< ​
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Severe non-drug induced insomnia.

So... this is like SL social?

Edit:
And a place to check in it seems, which I need as its nearly 0400 and I haven't slept yet. I've been sober for more than two years and in that time I get these episodes where I genuinely feel like I'm on Adderall. I used to take it occasionally for school/study purposes, but it was never habitual and never abused, I got it from my doc, no problems. In case you can't tell by my handle, I'm more of downer than an upper guy.

Anyways, I'm on Subutex Maintenance and I have entire days where it's like I'm on a recreational dose of speed. Shit, I clean the house, I organize my Magic Cards. I made a HUGE spreadsheet tonight. It catalogs every rare I own and my collection is not small. Then when I try to sleep nothing. My mind races, my heart beats, and I get so sweaty my shirts have rings on them... It's very unpleasant.

These episodes have been increasing in frequency and almost sort of dropping in intensity as they happen more often.

I know, I have a lot on my mind regarding my program and my sobriety. Quite a bit of program related shit floating around in my brain right now. I'm a new homeowner now, which only adds to the stress. But when I try to sleep I don't think about that I sing songs in my head or I put together MTG decks in my brain. Tomorrow I'll be functional and I'll have to be caffeinated to function, I don't enjoy that feeling. However, without it I'm non-functional.

So I guess what I'm asking is... To those of you with some sobriety time: Have you experienced this? What do you do to remedy? I'm prescribed a benzo for panic and the benzo doesn't even touch my energy level. I'm losing more and more sleep. I can't function like this much longer and my doctor wants to put me on Sonata or Ambien, both of which I've tried and isn't indicated for this kind of activity. My shrink says it's a manifestation of severe panic disorder. I understand that, but there has to be a way to sleep a few hours a night.

Also, besides the panic disorder I have zero history of mental illness.

Maybe I'm just an insomniac... I fucking hope not.
 
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im at about 15 days of no cigs and no weed, dont really crave either of them at all any more, its a pretty long time for me in my overall efforts of quitting those substances

in fact i am rather curious as to whether i will fall back into those addictions, and what devastation will occur in my life that will derail my better judgement

i hope everyone else does great in staying clean from whatever their DOC is this month
 
Congrats on stopping the marijuana. It's quite harmful to your memory. But the brain repairs nearly everything with time!
 
euphoricnod said:
So... this is like SL social?

Edit:
And a place to check in it seems, which I need as its nearly 0400 and I haven't slept yet. I've been sober for more than two years and in that time I get these episodes where I genuinely feel like I'm on Adderall. I used to take it occasionally for school/study purposes, but it was never habitual and never abused, I got it from my doc, no problems. In case you can't tell by my handle, I'm more of downer than an upper guy.

Anyways, I'm on Subutex Maintenance and I have entire days where it's like I'm on a recreational dose of speed. Shit, I clean the house, I organize my Magic Cards. I made a HUGE spreadsheet tonight. It catalogs every rare I own and my collection is not small. Then when I try to sleep nothing. My mind races, my heart beats, and I get so sweaty my shirts have rings on them... It's very unpleasant.

These episodes have been increasing in frequency and almost sort of dropping in intensity as they happen more often.

I know, I have a lot on my mind regarding my program and my sobriety. Quite a bit of program related shit floating around in my brain right now. I'm a new homeowner now, which only adds to the stress. But when I try to sleep I don't think about that I sing songs in my head or I put together MTG decks in my brain. Tomorrow I'll be functional and I'll have to be caffeinated to function, I don't enjoy that feeling. However, without it I'm non-functional.

So I guess what I'm asking is... To those of you with some sobriety time: Have you experienced this? What do you do to remedy? I'm prescribed a benzo for panic and the benzo doesn't even touch my energy level. I'm losing more and more sleep. I can't function like this much longer and my doctor wants to put me on Sonata or Ambien, both of which I've tried and isn't indicated for this kind of activity. My shrink says it's a manifestation of severe panic disorder. I understand that, but there has to be a way to sleep a few hours a night.

Also, besides the panic disorder I have zero history of mental illness.

Maybe I'm just an insomniac... I fucking hope not.
Click to expand...

Welcome, euphoric! You are no stranger to BL (I remember seeing your name all over the place over the last decade), and I enjoyed reading your posts back in the day. Keep up with the good work!

Mysterie said:
im at about 15 days of no cigs and no weed, dont really crave either of them at all any more, its a pretty long time for me in my overall efforts of quitting those substances

in fact i am rather curious as to whether i will fall back into those addictions, and what devastation will occur in my life that will derail my better judgement

i hope everyone else does great in staying clean from whatever their DOC is this month
Click to expand...

I'm at about 2 weeks for marijuana, myself, and just recently made the decision to lay off all psychs again. I want to get through AUGUST clean, and I'm going to do it.
 
euphoricnod said:
So... this is like SL social?

Edit:
And a place to check in it seems, which I need as its nearly 0400 and I haven't slept yet. I've been sober for more than two years and in that time I get these episodes where I genuinely feel like I'm on Adderall. I used to take it occasionally for school/study purposes, but it was never habitual and never abused, I got it from my doc, no problems. In case you can't tell by my handle, I'm more of downer than an upper guy.

Anyways, I'm on Subutex Maintenance and I have entire days where it's like I'm on a recreational dose of speed. Shit, I clean the house, I organize my Magic Cards. I made a HUGE spreadsheet tonight. It catalogs every rare I own and my collection is not small. Then when I try to sleep nothing. My mind races, my heart beats, and I get so sweaty my shirts have rings on them... It's very unpleasant.

These episodes have been increasing in frequency and almost sort of dropping in intensity as they happen more often.

I know, I have a lot on my mind regarding my program and my sobriety. Quite a bit of program related shit floating around in my brain right now. I'm a new homeowner now, which only adds to the stress. But when I try to sleep I don't think about that I sing songs in my head or I put together MTG decks in my brain. Tomorrow I'll be functional and I'll have to be caffeinated to function, I don't enjoy that feeling. However, without it I'm non-functional.

So I guess what I'm asking is... To those of you with some sobriety time: Have you experienced this? What do you do to remedy? I'm prescribed a benzo for panic and the benzo doesn't even touch my energy level. I'm losing more and more sleep. I can't function like this much longer and my doctor wants to put me on Sonata or Ambien, both of which I've tried and isn't indicated for this kind of activity. My shrink says it's a manifestation of severe panic disorder. I understand that, but there has to be a way to sleep a few hours a night.

Also, besides the panic disorder I have zero history of mental illness.

Maybe I'm just an insomniac... I fucking hope not.
Click to expand...



Well it could be mental disorder but this is a common side effect of the opiate your taking, buprenorphine is very stimulating especially in low doses so many people report insomnia when on subutex/Suboxone. We Can't say for sure I suppose you would have to get some clean time in to know if its the bupe or some thing else keeping you awake. Chances are its the drugs doing it in my opinion.

Have you tried trazadone? It worked well with Suboxone for me when I first when on sub's but now its no longer an issue I just smoke pot to sleep but when first on sub's the trazadone really helped it knocked me right out then after 3 months of nightly use I was able to stop with no bad withdrawal at all.
 
Still on Suboxone so no clean time for me yet. its too much to think about with school and work and everything else I'm going through I don't see myself getting clean anytime soon but at least I haven't done heroin in a long time now since January which is the longest I've gone without dope. But nothing to be proud of now im just hooked on sub's and smoking hash daily so im hiding from my problems still. Addiction is a bitch.
 
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EuphoricNod - I for sure remember you. You will be a fellow member of the decade club soon! lol

I did got those bursts of energy when I was on Suboxone myself. Not very frequently, but I very much remember having days like that. Mine eventually went away though. I do identify with the sleep issues and the impulsive thoughts. I had those all my life and still do get them from time to time. Keep talking to your doctor about it.

The whole "sing songs" thing, I got that as well. I still do occasionally, but I will fucking obsess over like 2 lines of a hip hop song or a course, or a specific beat or something in an EDM track. I've had it last for days. Its different to me then a "song stuck in the head". Not sure what that is. It would frequently happen when I was detoxing, generally when I was over the worst of it. Or when I am feeling stressed out.

How is your life going? Are you stressed out frequently? Are you taking steps to reduce stress if so? That could be an issue as well. When I am freaking out about something I cannot sleep. I do take 25 milligrams of Seroquel for sleep and its seems to help. I personally would not take an Ambien script (at the moment at least, likely never though).

85 days for me today. Eating some oatmeal and then I am going for a walk or run. I need to get out of my apartment today. I keep sitting around and saying "I am going to clean it" and I never do. Its not super messy or anything, but I would like to organize it a bit more and I fucking suck at organizing shit lol.
 
Having a bad day.

Every so often my friends go out after work and have some drinks. When I was a rookie to this whole recovery business I was stubborn and thought, "I have to learn how to deal with being around alcohol so I'll go, not drink, and have fun." I've learned through trial and error that this is a TERRIBLE idea. I mean come on.. think of it in an opiate perspective. Stupid. I never drank at these events but I went home feeling like shit.

Anyway, I'm frustrated because I'm lonely and bored. I've drifted away from a lot of my friends. It's not like these guys are big drinkers, but most people can drink a couple beers casually and be fine. I know I'm not one of those people. I have purposely drifted away from my heavy drinker friends, which I am ok with. I miss doing fun things, but a lot of what people do is drinking related. I mean, I try to organize other events but that's hard to do consistently. Plus I get ragged on by my friends because they think I'm antisocial and don't want to do stuff with them, but in reality, I just don't want to drink with them. And I can't exactly tell people I'm an alcoholic because well, that's an awkward conversation to have.

Anyway just feeling shitty because it's another weekend night and here I am at home. A group of my friends are at a bar right now having a few beers and socializing. They invited me but I declined. These things aren't triggering for me, I don't want to drink, I'm just lonely.
 
I think the only solution is to find new friends that are sober. I know it's easier said than done, but its totally doable :)
 
Great advice blue! Ditching all my old friends was the best thing I ever did. It was fucjing HARD don't get me wrong. And over a year later I still struggle yo make new lasting friendships, but I'm also sober and progressing in my life. I'm doing amazing things I never dreamt of doing and planning more besides, all possible because I got sober which wasonly ppossible, sadly, because I dropped all my friends.

So I mentioned last week that one of myroommates had relapsed and went to rehab after stealing all our rent money. I got the rent $ situation taken care of and even got his mom to cover his portion of August to give me an month to find someone new. But now my other roommate just gave me thirty days notice. So I need two new roommates. But already I have a couple prospectives just got to get it all figured out living 4 hours away from home as I'm still on retreat for the next month.

Doing good otherwise. I hope all are well. A new month guys, whose gonna make it their first full month sober?? Any new members up to the challenge?? Hopefully all of us will make it to September regardless of how many we have under the belt. :)
 
BlueSaffron said:
I think the only solution is to find new friends that are sober. I know it's easier said than done, but its totally doable :)
Click to expand...

I completely agree. ditching toxic relationships is so difficult, but it feels like a chain being broken free once it happens...
I realized this once I quit ketamine 2 years ago, I stopped talking to a lot of my "friends" just to see who would call me to hang out. You really get to learn who your true friends are, and who was just there for the ride. It's kinda sad really... :/

day 10 & counting.
 
There's a forest fire approx. 15 or so miles away right now. Lots of smoke rolling in every morning before the winds change direction. I'll see if I can figure out posting a picture from this device.

Hope everyone is well today.
 
Papaverium said:
I completely agree. ditching toxic relationships is so difficult, but it feels like a chain being broken free once it happens...
I realized this once I quit ketamine 2 years ago, I stopped talking to a lot of my "friends" just to see who would call me to hang out. You really get to learn who your true friends are, and who was just there for the ride. It's kinda sad really... :/

day 10 & counting.
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I don't actually mean "ditching" old friends, though. To me if someone's your real friend they're your friend no matter what, through ups and downs, addiction or sobriety, money or no money, problems or no problems. You might have to see them less, or even not see them at all for a while, so you're not tempted (and of course explain this to them), but I don't mean people should just say "getting clean now, see ya". But distance yourself from using friends, and definitely find new clean friends you can go hang out with. :)
 
BlueSaffron said:
I don't actually mean "ditching" old friends, though. To me if someone's your real friend they're your friend no matter what, through ups and downs, addiction or sobriety, money or no money, problems or no problems. You might have to see them less, or even not see them at all for a while, so you're not tempted (and of course explain this to them), but I don't mean people should just say "getting clean now, see ya". But distance yourself from using friends, and definitely find new clean friends you can go hang out with. :)
Click to expand...

Yes, but in some cases certain people who you thought were your friends, never come around again once you decide to quit using. I mean, I still have using friends, and they respect my desire to quit, but there was a greater percentage that don't even talk to me anymore, and if I make an effort to talk to them, it just ends up with them peer pressuring me to use. I guess that's why I put friends in quotations in that previous post. I'm glad to still have the friends I do, but the one's I've cut off, I've cut off for very good reasons. That's not to say it always ends that way with everyone.
 
18 days amphetamine free, 7 days opiate free. Day 1 of not using nicotine, cig nor ecig - both make my lungs hurt so fuck it.

I really got to find some hobbies, seems like my whole world used to revolve around drugs and now it just revolves around what I can't do and regret.
 
Totally, I mean some people aren't your real friends, they're just around for the party. That's one of the good things about quitting, you find out who your real friends are. I just mean that just cos some of your friends (real friends) aren't ready to quit yet doesn't mean we have to completely cut ties, thats all...

O/T - depression is killing me today. I'd give anything to feel good again. It doesn't help that I'm missing someone, too.
 
I am still friends with a couple of friends that I used with. I grew up with these guys and lived with some. However, times change and I just do not see them like I used to. I am not all about going out and getting drunk at the bars and whatnot anymore. Or sitting around and smoking weed. Granted, I think some might have problems but that is not for me to judge. I still see them from time to time but things have changed.

The other thing is, that sometimes when we get clean we make others feel uncomfortable in many different ways. Some may be internally questioning their using, others might feel stuck. It can sometimes be difficult to see others succeed or make radical changes in their lives. Especially when that person participated in the activities they still do.


Tough day at work for me today. Hot as fuck outside and I had to do a lot of physical labor. Time to shower and go to a meeting. Its not my favorite meeting to hit up, but what else am I going to do you know?
 
BlueSaffron said:
Totally, I mean some people aren't your real friends, they're just around for the party. That's one of the good things about quitting, you find out who your real friends are. I just mean that just cos some of your friends (real friends) aren't ready to quit yet doesn't mean we have to completely cut ties, thats all...

O/T - depression is killing me today. I'd give anything to feel good again. It doesn't help that I'm missing someone, too.
Click to expand...

Yeah you are right, it is good to know who your real friends are.
Anyway, I hope your depressed feelings subside. Missing someone is tough too, I know how that feels currently.
 
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