Stimulants Methamphetamine brought me back to reality

After years of depression I tried the drug, methamphetamine. In a low dose 0.03G or 30MG insufflated, I felt like color was put back into the world, my focus was so improved normally I don't feel like doing anything and I literally mean anything, I just usually stare a computer screen or stare at the wall most of the time, socially withdrawn, no motivation. But then just 0.03G of meth, I felt almost normal. Even the day after I did the meth, I felt better than the day before I did the meth, almost like it was correcting my thought processes and improving them. I have tried different SSRI's, and they either don't have an affect on me or just make me worse, I think the latter is more true, they make me feel worse.

I'm just wondering, if all this time i've been confusing depression with ADHD. I try to tell family members about this, and they just think i'm some crazy person even though I find all this info about how 7-10% of the population has ADHD and that people with head injuries have an increased risk for it, I fell out of a window and landed on a brick when I was 3-4 not sure the exact age but it hit me right where the prefrontol cortex is on the left side of my head, required stitches and there is still a huge scar there. I've even been questioned by the police before while detained about the scar and if I had any brain injury from it, I say no but how can I be 100% sure of that.

It's hard to explain really but everything just made more sense while taking this drug, the only way I explain it really is I just felt more real, my emotions became clearer and more pronounced, clarity, energy, even the colors of the forest became bright again like I was a child again, I can't really explain it fully.. I flushed the crystal meth down the toilet after 3 days of use

I'm tempted to try it again, because what I am now is this emotionless soulless zombified thing, I wouldn't even call it a human being. When I did the meth I felt like a human being again after years, felt like I was living in the moment, my focus was back on the present, to be honest with you I don't know where my focus actually is, it seems to be nonexistent. It's not a matter of my focus being elsewhere thinking about something else or stuck in the future or past, it just simply is not there and I feel like im not living in the moment like half my mind is stuck in some other dimension and not 100% here. Now i'm really sounding like a nutcase.

I can totally relate to what you're saying about focus being non-existent and emotions being kind of dulled and the opposite being true on amphetamines. Perhaps you should consider going to a psych to get tested for ADHD and get ADHD meds? It's certainly a healthier option compared to uncontrolled amounts of street meth.

IMHO I felt very much the way you did while on sub maintenance (far too long term) and have just recently switched Dr s and have been on Vyvanse fir the past four months. I'm currently at 50mg. Which is substantial, although I think I need an instant release boost. Sometimes before to help kick in or sometimes after to extend.
The vyvanse tends to trail off major effects leaving you with just side effects. (=Benzo time)
I'm not at all surprised that ADHD has been spot on and helpful. And yes I'm familiar with feeling of the strength of Street Meth. .. I'm into knowing exactly what inn taking though I've had my fun, adderall is a great alternative to meth. I don't need to tell you, legal and (safer)?

Good luck, my focus is much better, took me time to find a doctor to help with subs and amps.
Non amphetamine options are viable TOO, however I have only a small experience with Strattera, wellbutrin was actually somewhat stimulating. I discontinued it though. I'm a "purist" in the sense that majors like opiates and amps are off course most effective tried and true.

In additional thought to keep you on the better side of the law, again substitute with some ephedrine. It is very useful in giving the energy. But not quite the motivator. Then more obviously caffeine. I've heard of clonidine (intuniv) i believe helps and Modafinil which is a wakefulness inhibitor? I am not sure the proper terminology.

You may need an anti depressant, but you should talk to a Dr about that. I have tried abilify and things like resperidone ,remeron (mirtazapine) .... if you feel like you must get something to get high coke is cheaper, not as fun...LOL.
Tell a doctor you feel like your symptoms match, name specific examples and use real life instances. I believe more people have this than realize.

Good luck
M The technician

Most people, even your family members will not believe you on how bad you suffer from.depression & how it actually makes you feel. Family members can be so cruel at times.

I know of a family member that suffers from depression & severe fatigue & I'm one of the people she talks to about it because other members of the family will joke & laugh it off.......its like if they aren't going thru it, then its not really happening to anyone else. Some of her family members are a complete joke with no feelings towards her to help her out.

Shes been taking hydrocodone for pain for 3 years & it helps her depression a lot as well.

I know what you mean about how everything seemed black & white before & how you were out of touch with the here & now situations but that's how depression breaks you down & makes you feel.

She will not take any antidepressants because of how they make her feel. She says they make her feel worse than not being in them & she has tried several in the past.......

Doctors are quick to jump on antidepressants & prescribe them like candy.

My suggestion is to find something that works for you w/o a doctors help.......whether its herbal, exercise, or whatever......if you are trying meth, please use in very small amounts & try to never increase for a long while. Also, don't use every day. I see you stated that meth worked the next day after using.......

Possibly the afterglow effects of the drug. Whether its an opiate or a stimulant, use in low doses for the depression/ADHD......because once you start to increase routinely, it will get out of control.

You say you suffer from possible ADHD.......the part where you say that you're staring at a wall & ate zoned out & not thinking of anything sounds like severe depression to me.

It seems you tried meth & it worked for you......I'm wondering if you tried adderall, would that give you the same results? If so, you could get it prescribed.

Depression is one of the worst diseases to have & unless you have suffered thru it, people will never understand you/it.

I'm not suggesting to not see a doctor, some people need to w/o question......its hard to self medicate if you're bi-polar, schizo or whatever serious illness & I'm not suggesting you suffer from any of the above at all.

All I'm saying is you can self medicate but need very good self control......since it seems a stimulant helped you out immensely, I would recommend trying adderall with a prescription from your doctor.

You'd be kidding yourselves to think you can use a potent dopamine releasing agent in continuum.

I had the same experience with adderall. If you decide to see a doctor for depression AND adhd they will probably chalk the adhd symptoms up to the depression. Once they find out you are depressed stimulants will be the last thing they will give you. Your best bet is to try to see a doctor to get safer stimulants, but if you want any chance of receiving them you will need to omit any sign of depression in your symptom list.

I don't really like to recommend that course of action but if you seriously think you are adhd and depressed that is your best option, IMO of course. You might want to ask yourself a serious question first, do you believe you are adhd because you have all the symptoms or because you want to have all the symptoms?

Most doctors would throw you out for this... but could you admit that you tried methamphetamine to your doctor and liked the results? Make clear that even .03g (30mg of impure street meth, note that desoxyn is 5mg of pure d-meth) was very effective and describe the symptoms that it improved.

Of course, doctors don't like to prescribe stimulants to people with a history of stimulant abuse (which using street meth would generally be considered as), but if you have a good relationship with your doctor he or she might consider trialing you on something like adderall or ritalin. Even something milder like strattera or modafinil might give noticeable results.

I would tend to chalk up ADHD symptoms to depression--that's not uncommon--but treatment refractory depression is sometimes treated with dexedrine, and was even moreso in the past.

I would never in a million years tell my doctor I had tried meth unless it was life or death (I've never tried it anyway). If anything tell him or her you tried adderall it's infinitely more socially acceptable than meth.

Many if not most doctors don't know shit about drugs they have never personally prescribed, and even about some they have. I doubt if you admitted to using meth the first thing your doctor would think about is its relation to Desoxyn.

Yeah. Don't tell your doctor you've used crystal meth, LOL. That is a terrible idea.

One of my friends has had the same experience you've had, OP. Meth makes him "down-tuned"...he becomes very calm and focused, not jittery and "tweaked" like other people who use the drug. We've speculated before that he has ADHD (don't know for sure, though, as he has no health insurance, distrusts doctors & Adderall is an expensive drug).

Meth greatly improved my focus too for a while. It gave me back my artistic creativity, which I had let slip for so many years. But personally I don't think that it's really worth the consequences of use, medically socially or legally.

I can relate... I did HORRIBLE in school (didn't care,bother,didn't care to interact) Then got a script of adderal(really fuckin easy) and it was the only year I did Ok in school. I had a REALLY BAD head injury when I was a kid,spent like 3 weeks in the hospital for it..The adderal TOTALLY worked,except I'm an addict and my bottle of 60 10mg would be gone in a week...My doc then cut me off because of my blood pressure(had nothing to do with the adderal, I had it before he put me on that and Focalin, and my appointement would be like 3 weeks after my script ran out.) Then found opiates even more gave me the same feeling with being able to focus after my adderal was takin' away, and wah lah here I am 6 years later, but no amphetimine habbits(I've had addies and smoked/shot meth a few times,but don't crave that shit at all really)Moral of the strory I guese is take blood pressure pills if your doc gives them to ya, and don't turn to opiates for ADHD,lol. If I had the adderal now I do not see myself going on week benders like that, I do not enjoy the stimulant high except for the first day of it really, I ended up just taking them to stay awake for the week for school and would crash on the weekend....