Meth Withdrawal - Month of Hell - Need Help!

I need help.

I'm particularly interested in hearing from people who have overcome meth addiction and withdrawal.

This may be long, but I feel it is probably the best forum I've found to get out my thoughts.

I'm not an addict. I had a great upbringing, have parents who love me, and have always had big plans for my life.

However, the other day, I did crystal meth. We smoked it, and we did alot of it. I probably did 20-30 hits that night and I held it in like Marijuana. I quite honestly had no idea what I was doing. Not to shift the blame onto others, but my neighbor somehow convinced me to do it...telling me it was "no big deal" for him, he did it all the time, and he was "ok". I just moved here and didn't know him very well 1 month ago. Now I know he's an ex-convict who's been in and out of jail his whole life for drug related crimes and lost his business and family due to drugs (crack).

So I was duped in a moment of weakness, however; I did smoke it, nobody forced me.

The withdrawal has been horrendous, and I'm still feeling it one month later. The best way to describe the physical sensation is a pulsing/strobing/vibrating sensation at the back of my head where it meets my neck. This has gotten significantly better one month later, but it's still there, and I especially feel it at night when everything is quiet. If the physical sensation was the only one, I would probably not be posting on here today; rather, I literally feel like I lost myself. It was as if everything good that I ever was was now trapped in this throbbing sensation in the back of my skull. I feel disassociation, felt like I was missing the back half of my brain for awhile, and I felt like I was living in a dream.

I moved to Baja California, Mexico a few months ago. That's where I am now. I met a girl here within a week of getting here, and, even though it was short lived...I really felt it was something special. For the first time in my life, I was ditching my ego for things that I finally deemed valuable, like relationship and love. I just felt like I was going to marry her, that she was the one.

The night I did crystal, I messaged her and told her how I felt (my mind was going a thousand miles a second, and I couldn't rest). I was completely honest with her about so many things, about my past, about my flaws, about how I truly needed someone like her; that she was going to save my life. I think it may have been too much for her. I think it may have ruined things.

I'm honest. I told her that I did the meth. She was very upset and told me her biological mother was a drug addict. The last month our relationship has deteriorated, mainly cause I'm just not me anymore.

That is the worst part. I am positive I lost her, and I also lost myself.

Now, what I've been doing to handle the withdrawal -

Marijuana immensely helps. I can smoke weed, and after meditating for an hour or 2, can make myself feel back to normal again. The feeling, however, is short lived. Marijuana used to be something that I used to get perspective on a difficult situation in my life, or to facilitate my songwriting; yet, I'm afraid the use of it now, in my current state, is simply something I will need to feel normal. Also, I've been running my ass off. I run every day. I also cry nearly every day (I'm a 26 year old guy).

When I smoke weed, run, or cry, I focus all the positive energy into that dead, sore sensation at the back of my head...where all my emotions seem to be trapped.

What makes it worse is googling. Science seems to be almost positive brain damage is irreversible. This just sends me headfirst back into the depression. Why keep going on if you know you'll never feel good again?

I'm one month into this. Like I said, I took about 20-25 hits, in which I held in some of the tokes. I have a history of depression, am a rather small guy, and have a history of ADD. Bad combo, I know.

Can someone who has gone through this please shed some light on this conversation? I appreciate the science but I'm really looking for real people with real experiences to help me out here.

Thank you,
Bill

Sorry, you smoked meth once and are suffering withdrawals one month later? I find it extremely hard to believe that it would be physical withdrawal that you are experiencing. I'd say it's completely psychological and if you are still experiencing these feelings in 2 weeks time I recommend you consult a psychologist. Don't smoke the shit again. Persevere, you'll get through this.

Meth withdrawals for me last about 6 weeks and are more cravings than true withdrawal symptoms.

I've never smoked crystal, but isn't 20-30 hits an extreme amount for a first time? And as above...I really doubt it's withdrawal if you did this just once. Sounds like you had a "bad trip" and it fucked you up mentally. No one will be able to tell you exactly what is wrong so I would see a doctor/therapist.

Also, this might be better posted in the "Dark Side" sub-forum. 20-30 hits is pretty normal for most people in a decent session.

GustavoFring said:

20-30 hits is pretty normal for most people in a decent session.

Click to expand...

Wrong. 20-30 hits of decent meth in one session is only normal for people who frequently use and have a high tolerance to stimulants.

For a small-bodied first timer I wouldn't recommend more than 5-6 hits tops for a first sesh.

To the OP: It sounds like you ingested an extreme amount of meth for your body to handle, and something was definitely triggered in your brain. Get yourself to a psychiatrist.

Also, to reassure you, I once had a 9 month meth binge that I came out of okay. Your life isn't over. And your brain isn't broken or damaged beyond repair. Stay strong.

guitarguy996 said:

I'm not an addict. I had a great upbringing, have parents who love me, and have always had big plans for my life.

Click to expand...

Be careful when you say things like this my man. I had an amazing upbringing, I am so so blessed to have the family and parents that I do. I couldn't have asked for a better upbringing with the most loving and caring parents in the world who spoiled me rotten. I also have big plans, long term goals, I go to a great school. But I am an addict, none of these other things have anything to do with that. It is all me and my choices. I just want you to realize that your upbringing and your parents and your goals and situation are irrelevant. Addicts come from all walks of life my man, just be careful don't think you can't become one because of how you were raised and what you have.

As far as your situation, I think it is all in your head. I think you are disappointed with yourself that you allowed yourself to smoke methamphetamine. You certainly didn't do any neurological damage, that I can almost guarantee. It is up to you to get out of the rut that you are currently in. You say you have a history of depression, I think the way that you currently think of yourself is that of someone stuck in the grip of depression. I strongly recommend that you seek out a psychiatrist and also support groups. You don't have to take on depression alone my man, and why should you? You can stop this funk, I would recommend stopping the use of marijuana for now, it seems like it is just a crutch and coping mechanism.

I didn't even know amphetamines caused a physical withdrawal syndrome.....And I've never heard of it happening after one use...

I've binged on meth all night,and have never experienced anything like this.....Sounds like you're just depressed or something bro.

I have experienced depressive episodes after stimulant binges though,but again it seemed to only last until i got some food,morphine and rest.

It made you feel like a King for a day.
You want that feeling without the "guilt".

Best advice would be to stop thinking about it, don't reminisce about it.
There is something that inspires you, that you haven't been doing of late.
Start doing something inspirational for yourself, and you will forget about the "King" feeling in a flash, ESPECIALLY after only one session.

Again forget about the "King", I mean there isn't much to forget after a month's break from one days use.

That's the best I can offer.
Good luck.

Well first of all, there is no actual psychical "withdrawal" from meth. At least, not in the sense of psychical dependency and withdrawal from opiates, benzos, and alcohol. However, the psychological addiction is still present and incredibly intense. For a lot of people, me included, nothing is more mentally addicting and harder to stop for psychological reasons than stimulants like meth, cocaine, crack, etc.

The mental aspect can be so powerful at times that you really do make yourself feel like shit psychically. I mean, after a hefty meth binge or prolonged use, it's normal to have anxiety, insomnia, things like that when you stop, which is certainly a form of withdrawal, though like I said..not in the textbook opiate withdrawal for example.

Hang in there and try and keep busy man... it will become easier to stay away as time goes on you just need to give yourself that time.

Although this is about withdrawal and whatnot, it's more about quitting, addiction, and looking for support, so I'm going to move this over to TDS. You'll get some good replies there as the staff who work there and members who frequent that forum are all really caring and good/smart people.

Good luck, man. Keep your head up.



OD----->TDS

^^^Yeah i see by your name that you play guitar...Maybe do alot of that...Always makes me feel better...just yesterday I finally got the solo for "Crazy Train" nailed down,Today I'm working on "Flying High Again"...Randy Rhoads was Ozzy's best guitarist by far!

Blind Melon said:

Wrong. 20-30 hits of decent meth in one session is only normal for people who frequently use and have a high tolerance to stimulants.

For a small-bodied first timer I wouldn't recommend more than 5-6 hits tops for a first sesh.

To the OP: It sounds like you ingested an extreme amount of meth for your body to handle, and something was definitely triggered in your brain. Get yourself to a psychiatrist.

Also, to reassure you, I once had a 9 month meth binge that I came out of okay. Your life isn't over. And your brain isn't broken or damaged beyond repair. Stay strong.

Click to expand...

This. You are not suffering withdrawal because you did not become dependent on it. You had a bad trip. And you are brain-fking yourself. If you are suffering disassociative symptoms, it may have kicked off some underlying mental issue - you sure seem to have extremely high anxiety about this. I'd wager that anxiety/panic is your biggest problem right now, though I"m not a mental health professional. But this is NOT withdrawal. This is something else. It is, however, really and truly interfering with your life and I echo the rec to get thee to a psychiatrist.

Mass08 said:

Be careful when you say things like this my man. I had an amazing upbringing, I am so so blessed to have the family and parents that I do. I couldn't have asked for a better upbringing with the most loving and caring parents in the world who spoiled me rotten. I also have big plans, long term goals, I go to a great school. But I am an addict, none of these other things have anything to do with that. It is all me and my choices. I just want you to realize that your upbringing and your parents and your goals and situation are irrelevant. Addicts come from all walks of life my man, just be careful don't think you can't become one because of how you were raised and what you have.

As far as your situation, I think it is all in your head.

Click to expand...

This. It's kind of offensive to say you're not an addict because you had a good upbringing and parents who love you. Do you think all addicts were raised by abusive and neglectful parents, and don't go to school or have any goals or self worth?

Your upbringing won't protect you from addiction.

And as far as to what's happening to you...it's definitely all in your head. It sounds like you overdid it and your brain tried to recover and landed in a deep depression. Things will even out, but in the meantime I'd suggest seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist.

Thanks for the help all. I think it may just be psychological withdrawal, which is comforting. Just changing the definition of what was happening to me really lifted my spirits yesterday. Again, thanks.

Good to hear.
Would you like me to close this thread as "solved", or leave it be for a while?

If you don't mind, could you leave it up for a little while longer?

I wouldn't call if withdrawal at all, one use with the large dose that you did might leave you feeling mentally off for a week maybe as your brain recuperates and starts functioning normally, returning to homeostasis but a month? You may have a psychological issue that may have been triggered by using meth and the guilt that ensued, this woman that you say that you love had a problem with it and this is also adding some weight to this burden.

Perhaps you blame the drug, the fact that you used it for causing you to be too forward about your feelings to the woman that you've recently started pining over and disturbing your chances of having a real, serious relationship with her. You also are partially blaming your neighbor for giving the drug to you, it seems like you are over analyzing many aspects surrounding the situation and making it a much bigger deal than it is. My cousin is a hypochondriac, he is constantly worrying about diseases that he diagnoses himself with and damage caused by single usage of certain drugs and stressing about it so much that he ends up suffering from anxiety, insomnia, depression because of the stress he creates. He also ends up causing problems in his relationships around him because he is actualizing these perceived problems and becoming them and spreading this stress and hopelessness to those around him.

Doctors aren't aloud to diagnose themselves, people are discouraged from diagnosing themselves because we can't view ourselves objectively, we are biased by nature and self diagnosis can lead to alot of problems usually started by stress and we can actually start feeling unhealthy "sick" from thinking and believing things that aren't true. Look up the placebo effect, it can happen to anybody. The problem with this is once somebody has convinced themselves that they have these problems, if somebody with credentials or somebody who knows better, who can view their situation objectively tells them that they are wrong about the situation then it is possible the person will get offended and upset and be even more driven to believing that something is wrong with them.

I am not saying that this is happening to you, but I am saying that it is extremely unlikely that you are withdrawing from the meth a month later from a single usage and that you should maybe try to think about what I have said and see if it can steer your mind in a direction that will allow you to let go of any guilt and stress that may have been created from the situation at hand.

And perhaps you can try taking l-tyrosine to help give your brain a boost of norepinephrine and dopamine, those who are actually suffering from withdrawal find this supplement to help with their mood because their brains aren't producing enough of these neurotransmitters. Methamphetamine also effects serotonin which can be supplemented by taking another amino acid such as l-tryptophan. I wouldn't recommend taking these amino acids regularly and depending on them to boost your mood everyday. Alternatively and what is ultimately a healthy way of raising endogenous neurotransmitters is to intake lots of proteins, like the powdered protein mix that is used for working out. Protein and foods high in protein contain alot of amino acids and they are needed for the natural production of neurotransmitters.

Every response has been pretty spot on...

I have been using meth pretty frequently for over a year now, more time on than off. I recently took a break/half heartedly tried quitting almost three weeks ago - the hardest part was the first few days. With the "just my opinion as a stranger on the internet" disclaimer, I completely agree with posters who say you are NOT experiencing withdrawal.

Here it is: you're thinking too hard! Chalk it up as a learning experience and be grateful your one crazy night didnt turn into something more extended!

You seem to be doing good things for yourself; exercise especially is powerful. Eat well, drink water, take your vitamins, and you'll be great. Ever get into yoga? If its possible for you, you could try finding a massage therapist - relaxing and refocusing energy is a lot smoother with another person who has skills and experience.

These are just some things that help me whenever im going a little extra crazy, meth-induced or not.

I wish you the best. Believe things will be ok, and you will make it happen.

Again, these posts have been life-saving. Honestly, due to the support I've gotten here, I'm really starting to pull out of the horror of this.

I want to respond directly to Ligaturd about the placebo effect/hypochondria, but I'm really responding to the prevailing view here about it "all being in my head".

In my personal worldview, matter is mind and mind is matter. While this may all be psychological, or something that may have been triggered, I am going through very physical sensations. Someone here said I had a bad trip, and I think that is exactly what happened. Feelings of guilt and shame washed over me, and I believe the entire environment simply aggravated the situation: losing this chick; fear, distrust, and blame of my neighbor; and my landlord constantly preaching Jesus to me and to "repent" (I didn't mention this earlier). The mental stress brought on the physical stress.

Life is all what you believe. If you believe you are brain damaged from 1 night of meth, you're going to act like that (placebo effect). If you act like you are ok, you are ok. I think we ourselves are the ultimate end point as to what the events of our external worlds look like.

So, in all actuality, I think it's merely the supporting words I've received here, rather than any actual objective truth on the matter, that has has helped me.

Again, thank you. I really appreciate the time you all have taken to step into my complicated world for a moment to help pull me out of my funk!

OntarioGuy said:

^^^Yeah i see by your name that you play guitar...Maybe do alot of that...Always makes me feel better...just yesterday I finally got the solo for "Crazy Train" nailed down,Today I'm working on "Flying High Again"...Randy Rhoads was Ozzy's best guitarist by far!

Click to expand...

Absolutely correct @OntarioGuy! Such a shame he died so young, definitely in the top 50 guitarist of all time.