guitarguy996
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2013
- Messages
- 4
I need help.
I'm particularly interested in hearing from people who have overcome meth addiction and withdrawal.
This may be long, but I feel it is probably the best forum I've found to get out my thoughts.
I'm not an addict. I had a great upbringing, have parents who love me, and have always had big plans for my life.
However, the other day, I did crystal meth. We smoked it, and we did alot of it. I probably did 20-30 hits that night and I held it in like Marijuana. I quite honestly had no idea what I was doing. Not to shift the blame onto others, but my neighbor somehow convinced me to do it...telling me it was "no big deal" for him, he did it all the time, and he was "ok". I just moved here and didn't know him very well 1 month ago. Now I know he's an ex-convict who's been in and out of jail his whole life for drug related crimes and lost his business and family due to drugs (crack).
So I was duped in a moment of weakness, however; I did smoke it, nobody forced me.
The withdrawal has been horrendous, and I'm still feeling it one month later. The best way to describe the physical sensation is a pulsing/strobing/vibrating sensation at the back of my head where it meets my neck. This has gotten significantly better one month later, but it's still there, and I especially feel it at night when everything is quiet. If the physical sensation was the only one, I would probably not be posting on here today; rather, I literally feel like I lost myself. It was as if everything good that I ever was was now trapped in this throbbing sensation in the back of my skull. I feel disassociation, felt like I was missing the back half of my brain for awhile, and I felt like I was living in a dream.
I moved to Baja California, Mexico a few months ago. That's where I am now. I met a girl here within a week of getting here, and, even though it was short lived...I really felt it was something special. For the first time in my life, I was ditching my ego for things that I finally deemed valuable, like relationship and love. I just felt like I was going to marry her, that she was the one.
The night I did crystal, I messaged her and told her how I felt (my mind was going a thousand miles a second, and I couldn't rest). I was completely honest with her about so many things, about my past, about my flaws, about how I truly needed someone like her; that she was going to save my life. I think it may have been too much for her. I think it may have ruined things.
I'm honest. I told her that I did the meth. She was very upset and told me her biological mother was a drug addict. The last month our relationship has deteriorated, mainly cause I'm just not me anymore.
That is the worst part. I am positive I lost her, and I also lost myself.
Now, what I've been doing to handle the withdrawal -
Marijuana immensely helps. I can smoke weed, and after meditating for an hour or 2, can make myself feel back to normal again. The feeling, however, is short lived. Marijuana used to be something that I used to get perspective on a difficult situation in my life, or to facilitate my songwriting; yet, I'm afraid the use of it now, in my current state, is simply something I will need to feel normal. Also, I've been running my ass off. I run every day. I also cry nearly every day (I'm a 26 year old guy).
When I smoke weed, run, or cry, I focus all the positive energy into that dead, sore sensation at the back of my head...where all my emotions seem to be trapped.
What makes it worse is googling. Science seems to be almost positive brain damage is irreversible. This just sends me headfirst back into the depression. Why keep going on if you know you'll never feel good again?
I'm one month into this. Like I said, I took about 20-25 hits, in which I held in some of the tokes. I have a history of depression, am a rather small guy, and have a history of ADD. Bad combo, I know.
Can someone who has gone through this please shed some light on this conversation? I appreciate the science but I'm really looking for real people with real experiences to help me out here.
Thank you,
Bill
I'm particularly interested in hearing from people who have overcome meth addiction and withdrawal.
This may be long, but I feel it is probably the best forum I've found to get out my thoughts.
I'm not an addict. I had a great upbringing, have parents who love me, and have always had big plans for my life.
However, the other day, I did crystal meth. We smoked it, and we did alot of it. I probably did 20-30 hits that night and I held it in like Marijuana. I quite honestly had no idea what I was doing. Not to shift the blame onto others, but my neighbor somehow convinced me to do it...telling me it was "no big deal" for him, he did it all the time, and he was "ok". I just moved here and didn't know him very well 1 month ago. Now I know he's an ex-convict who's been in and out of jail his whole life for drug related crimes and lost his business and family due to drugs (crack).
So I was duped in a moment of weakness, however; I did smoke it, nobody forced me.
The withdrawal has been horrendous, and I'm still feeling it one month later. The best way to describe the physical sensation is a pulsing/strobing/vibrating sensation at the back of my head where it meets my neck. This has gotten significantly better one month later, but it's still there, and I especially feel it at night when everything is quiet. If the physical sensation was the only one, I would probably not be posting on here today; rather, I literally feel like I lost myself. It was as if everything good that I ever was was now trapped in this throbbing sensation in the back of my skull. I feel disassociation, felt like I was missing the back half of my brain for awhile, and I felt like I was living in a dream.
I moved to Baja California, Mexico a few months ago. That's where I am now. I met a girl here within a week of getting here, and, even though it was short lived...I really felt it was something special. For the first time in my life, I was ditching my ego for things that I finally deemed valuable, like relationship and love. I just felt like I was going to marry her, that she was the one.
The night I did crystal, I messaged her and told her how I felt (my mind was going a thousand miles a second, and I couldn't rest). I was completely honest with her about so many things, about my past, about my flaws, about how I truly needed someone like her; that she was going to save my life. I think it may have been too much for her. I think it may have ruined things.
I'm honest. I told her that I did the meth. She was very upset and told me her biological mother was a drug addict. The last month our relationship has deteriorated, mainly cause I'm just not me anymore.
That is the worst part. I am positive I lost her, and I also lost myself.
Now, what I've been doing to handle the withdrawal -
Marijuana immensely helps. I can smoke weed, and after meditating for an hour or 2, can make myself feel back to normal again. The feeling, however, is short lived. Marijuana used to be something that I used to get perspective on a difficult situation in my life, or to facilitate my songwriting; yet, I'm afraid the use of it now, in my current state, is simply something I will need to feel normal. Also, I've been running my ass off. I run every day. I also cry nearly every day (I'm a 26 year old guy).
When I smoke weed, run, or cry, I focus all the positive energy into that dead, sore sensation at the back of my head...where all my emotions seem to be trapped.
What makes it worse is googling. Science seems to be almost positive brain damage is irreversible. This just sends me headfirst back into the depression. Why keep going on if you know you'll never feel good again?
I'm one month into this. Like I said, I took about 20-25 hits, in which I held in some of the tokes. I have a history of depression, am a rather small guy, and have a history of ADD. Bad combo, I know.
Can someone who has gone through this please shed some light on this conversation? I appreciate the science but I'm really looking for real people with real experiences to help me out here.
Thank you,
Bill