• 🇬🇧󠁿 🇸🇪 🇿🇦 🇮🇪 🇬🇭 🇩🇪 🇪🇺
    European & African
    Drug Discussion


    Welcome Guest!
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
  • EADD Moderators: axe battler | Pissed_and_messed

The Joke Thread

Status
Not open for further replies.

Harry@Piekarnia

Ex-Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 18, 2000
Messages
5,923
Come on then, let have them, your worst jokes please.

I'll start:

Why is that special time of the month called pre-menstrual syndrome?
Because mad cow disease was already taken.




I'll get my coat.
 
As a young boy, Joe was completely obsessed with tractors. He had pictures of tractors all over his bedroom walls; he had tractor toys, tractor T-shirts, a tractor carpet, and duvet cover, the whole works. He ate, drank and slept tractors.

On his 17th birthday he was thrilled to get an invitation to go to a tractor factory nearby and test-drive a brand new tractor. His excitement was incredible as he told his family and friends.

The great day came and he went to the factory for the test-drive. Unfortunately something went terribly wrong with the tractor when Joe was driving it and it flipped over, trapping and breaking Joe's leg and fracturing his skull. He was so upset and tried to sue the tractor company for negligence.

But the company would have none of it and told him there was no liability and he could get lost!

You can imagine he was rather p****d off with tractors after this and vowed to shed them from his life completely and forever. All the posters came down, the toys were given away - tractors were GONE.

Many years later, Joe went into a bar for a drink. Inside, the cigarette and cigar smoke was terrible but through it he saw a beautiful girl seated at the bar on her own.

Tears were streaming down her face.

Joe asked her what was wrong and she said that the smoke was making her eyes sting and stream with tears.

With that, Joe looked around and then took a huge breath, sucking in all the smoke.

He then walked outside into the car park and blew all the smoke out again.

He goes back into the bar where the air is now clear and sweet and sits down next to the girl.

"That was amazing!" she said, "How did you do that?"

"No problem", said Joe,


look, i'm really sorry about this, but Harry did ask for our worst jokes



"I'm an ex-tractor fan"
 
What do you call a man with leaves on his head?





Rustle.


shoot me now
 
^ Actually that should say "Sheer Claas" (sad tractor based joke nobody but me will understand)
 
Did you hear about the Englishman with an inferiority complex???








He thought he was ths same as everyone else :D
 
I found this one from a porn site:

Do Re Mi Beer - by Homer J. Simpson

DOUGH... The stuff that buys me beer.
RAY... The guy that sells me beer.
ME... The guy who drinks the beer
FAR... The distance to my beer.
SO... I think I'll have a beer.
LA... La la la la la la beer.
TEA... No thanks, I'm drinking beer.
That will bring us back to... (Looks into an empty glass) "D'OH!"
 
'German jokes'

A man walks into a pub.
He is an alcoholic whose drinking problem is destroying his family.

Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?
She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.

What do you call a cat with no tail?
A bobcat.

Why do undertakers wear ties?
Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.

How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?
One.

Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.

Two men are sitting in a pub. One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.'
The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitue to subsidise her drug habit.'

Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.

Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated area.
 
This one is a Finnish joke translated into English:

Q: How can you notice when your little sister has her first menstrual period?

A: Your daddys cock tastes blood.
 
Q. What did the leper say to the whore?










A. Keep the tip! 8o 8o
 
^^^ that is just not nice, please!

Looper, are they jokes from Germany or "german jokes" because the Germans apprantly have no sence of humour??

I live with a German and admitedly she doesnt find all of our humour particually amusing (for example I don't think I will EVER get her to appricate Red Dwalf 8))
There is defiantly a very distinctive difference between the British sence of humour and the German, but they definatly do have one, I think in general its just a lot more "practical" than ours, maybe a bit more mature? and with less self-mocking that really distinguishes British comedy.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top