14 years of HEAVY abuse and addiction here.
Throw aaaaaaaallllll that shit away except the lope (careful now).
Go ahead and just take your last bit of opiates. 10mg of this and that won’t do ANYTHING except prolong the inevitable. Take it now (I only say that cuz we both know you won’t just flush it) and start ACTUALLY withdrawing. As for the RLS... well, it’s gonna be a rough two weeks. Set up child care and logistical arrangements and dive in. You’ll be praying for death. It WILL get better. Get mad at it. Flex on it. Tell it to go fuck itself. You’re better, stronger and you WILL win. FORCE yourself to move during the day. Walk, stretch, do yoga, fuck your significant other. Don’t expect anything, certainly not sleep.
Ride the misery. Toss. Turn. Twitch. Spaz. Yawn. Relish it. KNOW that it’s the last time. No question.
Once PAWS sets in, spend time with your child. Find seratonin, no matter how small, through your 2 year olds laughter. Relish the small things. Watch them wiggle and giggle. Wake up early and go to bed late.
Fight. FIGHT LIKE YOUR CHILDS LOFE DEPENDS ON IT. They will NOT remember their mother broken and beaten. They WILL grow up knowing you gave them what they deserved.
Fight. Fight and win.
Once it’s been 2 weeks, take stock. I assure you that you will be in better place. You will be miserable but “better” is objective and you will be better.
In 3 weeks, better still.
The well being and life of your child depend on your strength. FUCKING FIGHT. Win. And be done with the demons. Say “no more”.
Your life will amaze you. The bandwidth in your mind once free from addictions will open up new levels of compassion, intelligence and empathy you didn’t know you have.
Do it for that little baby. No crutch, no bullshit. Be you. Be what that little human deserves.