Sharapovafistpump
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 4, 2009
- Messages
- 672
Contemplating my ADHD diagnosis. Researching the pills - Equasym, advised to open the capsule and sprinkle on apple sauce. Picking up tomorrow. Wondering about my stomach reaction following another double perforation of my duodenal ulcer's (and a collapsed lung) in August. Wondering how strange this past 2 years have been since peeling back the lid on my heavily benzo addicted brain spending 6 weeks inpatient rehab to now - being prescribed IR Ritalin.
Digesting the diagnosis and some poppy pod tea. Self critiquing 3 possibly verbose emails. Feeling a little sorry for myself for not being diagnosed earlier.
Watching videos on how to install an electric bike kit that I bought in order to have some sort of achievement to discuss at Christmas even if it pails in comparison to the completed Ph'd's, internationally acclaimed road safety adverts, and fast track customs and excise promotions of 3 siblings.
Worrying that I like poppy pod tea a lot. Wondering how i will prevent abuse of new medications. Contemplating whether I have done the right thing cutting 2 of my 'best mates' of 20 years out of my life because the racism, misogyny, bigotry, ultra right wing jokes stopped being funny a long long time ago. And whether they really only want me in their life as a yard stick to favorably compare their own narcissism against. Or I am particularly sensitive to comments like our tax paid for your rehab as they do lines of coke and phone my family home at 3am.
Getting a bit sick of other friends who when you tell them you have ADD, they say yes I have that and ADHD - even though the process of getting diagnosed is actually quite humiliating and devastating.
Throwing as many obstacles in my way to avoid filling out the PIP form. Even though all I have to do is collect 4 letters, 1 GP, 2 Psychiatrist's and 1 community support nurses letter. Writing 'I occasionally shit myself' in Department of work and pensions never boosts ones ego.
Perhaps i will put a little bit of actual shit in the form.
Loving having ADD because actually there was a reason for the trail of broken hearts, laptops, dreams and limbs. Knowing that having presented to the nhs as a drug addict and 2 years later acquiring a lifetime of speed, doesn't happen often and I must have it because you can't fool all of the people all of the time.
That it led me into - and out off - situations such as being kidnapped in Morocco. A Bangkok bar fight that led to a stay in a Thai Jail. A 24hr fueled Crack Psychotherapy session with a daytime hooker in Vegas (no sex), hyper focus allowing sponsorship as an online poker player engaged often winning 5 figure sums in a weekend, though on balance it was probably only double the average wage until the financial crises. Half finishing a Masters which could be returned too. Going to Australia with £1500 and earning $120,000 p/a for 7 months and a 457 work visa, before punching my line manager in the head resulting in expulsion from the country - well the cancellation of that visa. Touring S.E Asia accommodation ranging from £800 a night in Singapore to a £1.50 a Night hillside bungalow with it's own giant jungle rat. Opening a joint account with an Australian stripper after 3 days doing Meth in a hotel in Chinatown Melbourne. Pathologically buying internet domain names, turning down an offer of £5000 for £7 invested in realvaluesolar.com. Coming up with a new business idea almost everyday. One of which I seen raise hundreds of thousands on kick starter.
But then there is losing the love of your life because people with ADD are difficult and unreliable.
The fact that due to a burglary, me finding the culprit and almost ending him resulted in arrest and legitimate death threat with the police advising me to leave the area.
That I'm in my mid 30's I have been living at home since a massive operation. That I have no executive function to allow me to process stress. I just regurgitate it until it physically inflames my entire stomach resulting in to date 4 perforated ulcers. At least if I get another I'll make a handy cadaver for some lucky student, torso already traced out.
But mostly that I'm going to start taking Methylphenidate tomorrow for likely the rest of my life in one shape or another
Digesting the diagnosis and some poppy pod tea. Self critiquing 3 possibly verbose emails. Feeling a little sorry for myself for not being diagnosed earlier.
Watching videos on how to install an electric bike kit that I bought in order to have some sort of achievement to discuss at Christmas even if it pails in comparison to the completed Ph'd's, internationally acclaimed road safety adverts, and fast track customs and excise promotions of 3 siblings.
Worrying that I like poppy pod tea a lot. Wondering how i will prevent abuse of new medications. Contemplating whether I have done the right thing cutting 2 of my 'best mates' of 20 years out of my life because the racism, misogyny, bigotry, ultra right wing jokes stopped being funny a long long time ago. And whether they really only want me in their life as a yard stick to favorably compare their own narcissism against. Or I am particularly sensitive to comments like our tax paid for your rehab as they do lines of coke and phone my family home at 3am.
Getting a bit sick of other friends who when you tell them you have ADD, they say yes I have that and ADHD - even though the process of getting diagnosed is actually quite humiliating and devastating.
Throwing as many obstacles in my way to avoid filling out the PIP form. Even though all I have to do is collect 4 letters, 1 GP, 2 Psychiatrist's and 1 community support nurses letter. Writing 'I occasionally shit myself' in Department of work and pensions never boosts ones ego.
Perhaps i will put a little bit of actual shit in the form.
Loving having ADD because actually there was a reason for the trail of broken hearts, laptops, dreams and limbs. Knowing that having presented to the nhs as a drug addict and 2 years later acquiring a lifetime of speed, doesn't happen often and I must have it because you can't fool all of the people all of the time.
That it led me into - and out off - situations such as being kidnapped in Morocco. A Bangkok bar fight that led to a stay in a Thai Jail. A 24hr fueled Crack Psychotherapy session with a daytime hooker in Vegas (no sex), hyper focus allowing sponsorship as an online poker player engaged often winning 5 figure sums in a weekend, though on balance it was probably only double the average wage until the financial crises. Half finishing a Masters which could be returned too. Going to Australia with £1500 and earning $120,000 p/a for 7 months and a 457 work visa, before punching my line manager in the head resulting in expulsion from the country - well the cancellation of that visa. Touring S.E Asia accommodation ranging from £800 a night in Singapore to a £1.50 a Night hillside bungalow with it's own giant jungle rat. Opening a joint account with an Australian stripper after 3 days doing Meth in a hotel in Chinatown Melbourne. Pathologically buying internet domain names, turning down an offer of £5000 for £7 invested in realvaluesolar.com. Coming up with a new business idea almost everyday. One of which I seen raise hundreds of thousands on kick starter.
But then there is losing the love of your life because people with ADD are difficult and unreliable.
The fact that due to a burglary, me finding the culprit and almost ending him resulted in arrest and legitimate death threat with the police advising me to leave the area.
That I'm in my mid 30's I have been living at home since a massive operation. That I have no executive function to allow me to process stress. I just regurgitate it until it physically inflames my entire stomach resulting in to date 4 perforated ulcers. At least if I get another I'll make a handy cadaver for some lucky student, torso already traced out.
But mostly that I'm going to start taking Methylphenidate tomorrow for likely the rest of my life in one shape or another
