Mr.Giggles
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 31, 2017
- Messages
- 65
Ive had a lot of deppression and anxiety due to a miserable life a few years ago i wanted to even take my own life my mind was constantly racing i felt sick I was never happy I tried to block it out with weed but its like my body knew how bad i was so wouldn't let me get high not fully high anyway if that makes sense I cant express how dark of a place from that anyway I somehow came back and its pretty much sunshine and roses( compared to how I Was anyway ) and I am alway grateful I did come back from that dark place and now a lot more positive person I feel like interacting and chatting with everyone I see just because ive missed out on that sought of thing for so long Im also not a bad looking young man I often get smiles from women and the last week or two alone Ive seen so many pretty women and I mean beautiful but i always get so nervous around them im not asking for advice but just saying
And im sure one day I will meet the one, oh ive never had a proper girlfriend or got laid probably on the account of my autism(which is a lot better now) bullying (The whole school practically bullied me and stuff they could pick up on my autism as well as my deppression and nervousness and would attack me like dogs and vulture it got a lot worse to when I stupidly opened a social media account I spent a lot of time plotting revenge or atleast wishing i had stook up for myself which anyone watching would think but I was so full of doubt dark energy and just full blown dark deppression I was like a pathetic little shadow scared of its own shadow when I moved away after having a panic attack and going into phycosis I was a very sad lonely child and teen what makes it worse is a spent all those years like a fool tryna get acceptance and make friends but those "friends" would always join in picking on me getting me into fights that I couldn't win and all sorts all this and a deppressed mum who would fight thick and thin to make sure i was not happy who was a control freak to the limits who would attack me and hit me just because she was pissed etc she even made me feel like it was my fault and she had been like this my whole life as long as I can remember anyway I dont mean to whine about my life but just want you to somewhat understand why i was so messed up as a kid I literaly was afraid to make eye contact with people I would stand in akward places to nervous to stand to close to anyone at school incase they hit me or someone snook up behind me for a bit of "banter"fuk anyway thats well behind me I learned years ago to let it all go sort of I am a lot more confident, bouncy, happy people around me seem to be more happy like they can tell I am at home and stuff im basically like I Was when I was 8 or 9 again before my life went to shit sorry for writing all that to its only a little vague trip of my life but as i said ive spent so long being deppressed and all the horrible rest of it and lonely to I just feel whenever i do social or connect with people I should make the most out of it Im a nice person I like to help people I like animals I hate people who hurt animals etc and now ive got my confidence back I notice I am actually pretty good at socialising.
but I defo feel like someones missing in my life just in those odd moments of lonliness I just feel like having someone else to share my burdens with someone who would be caring understand we would look after eachother I COULDN't do with an argumentative woman lol I know when to leave people alone when their not in the mood but I know a lot of women who just like causing drama and shit and I hate that shit i mean a little drama maybe but leave it out the family this is the first time ive even mentioned my life to anyone properly online or not it feels good and I just wish I had this confidence when I was in school to beat the crap out of those priks etc I am a tall strong lad to always have been for my age but its like people see me at school they could tell I had no fight in me no nothing so they would attack and attack and attack me none stop I proabbly didn't help myself saying stupid stuff stemming from me and my autism but I Was made to feel like a complete freak I was even afraid to go for a walk in case I ran into anybody in the street and they started on me.. it makes me sad thinking how pathetic it all was I had a few alright... mates if you call them that they wouldn't take the piss out of me as much as others but they would be pissed off at me cus I didn't defend myself and they were right about that but its hard to explain i just felt like my mum had drained all my fight and stuff away with her horrid deppression it didn't help that she would get in a state everyday and at first beleive me I felt bad for her I got her tishoo I helped her but it never changed she just got more aggressive and aggressive anyway what im getting to here is im so pissed off sometimes that i didn't defend myself and It is so touchy for me but now I am clear headed and anxiety free I can think about stuff like this and not over think or anything its great!
And to anyone else who has had any of these issues or worse feel free to talk to me as its nice to talk to people who have had some issues i have and I came through the other side, I wont pretend my lifes perfect I live with my grandma and im tryna save enough money to move out into my own place, do that up live minimilistically save save save and then find a girl a nice warm caring girl who knows just how to cheer me up or what to say to me etc I still feel lonely but everytime I think back to the hell I had at school years and many years before im just glad im away from it even though its hard to appreciate cus its so long ago I remember back then thinking "Id do anything to move back to my hometown"(my mum moved us their away from the rest of my family for a "fresh start") Now my mum has been through a lot or so she says anyway but she has never once considered my feelings or even aknowledge how vile shes been to me she could be hitting me smashing my room up etc drunk or not drunk and then the next day make up something and be pissed off at me I used to think it was me then I thought she was crazy now I think she is just vile who wants to make everyone around her as miserable jelous and pathetic as she is
Im glad to say im nothing like her!
again sorry to have babbled on a bit their guys but this forum has become sort of like a group of friends to me you guys all have valuable life experience for example and its really comfoting I can share some of my worries and life quarms with you. Peace!
And im sure one day I will meet the one, oh ive never had a proper girlfriend or got laid probably on the account of my autism(which is a lot better now) bullying (The whole school practically bullied me and stuff they could pick up on my autism as well as my deppression and nervousness and would attack me like dogs and vulture it got a lot worse to when I stupidly opened a social media account I spent a lot of time plotting revenge or atleast wishing i had stook up for myself which anyone watching would think but I was so full of doubt dark energy and just full blown dark deppression I was like a pathetic little shadow scared of its own shadow when I moved away after having a panic attack and going into phycosis I was a very sad lonely child and teen what makes it worse is a spent all those years like a fool tryna get acceptance and make friends but those "friends" would always join in picking on me getting me into fights that I couldn't win and all sorts all this and a deppressed mum who would fight thick and thin to make sure i was not happy who was a control freak to the limits who would attack me and hit me just because she was pissed etc she even made me feel like it was my fault and she had been like this my whole life as long as I can remember anyway I dont mean to whine about my life but just want you to somewhat understand why i was so messed up as a kid I literaly was afraid to make eye contact with people I would stand in akward places to nervous to stand to close to anyone at school incase they hit me or someone snook up behind me for a bit of "banter"fuk anyway thats well behind me I learned years ago to let it all go sort of I am a lot more confident, bouncy, happy people around me seem to be more happy like they can tell I am at home and stuff im basically like I Was when I was 8 or 9 again before my life went to shit sorry for writing all that to its only a little vague trip of my life but as i said ive spent so long being deppressed and all the horrible rest of it and lonely to I just feel whenever i do social or connect with people I should make the most out of it Im a nice person I like to help people I like animals I hate people who hurt animals etc and now ive got my confidence back I notice I am actually pretty good at socialising.
but I defo feel like someones missing in my life just in those odd moments of lonliness I just feel like having someone else to share my burdens with someone who would be caring understand we would look after eachother I COULDN't do with an argumentative woman lol I know when to leave people alone when their not in the mood but I know a lot of women who just like causing drama and shit and I hate that shit i mean a little drama maybe but leave it out the family this is the first time ive even mentioned my life to anyone properly online or not it feels good and I just wish I had this confidence when I was in school to beat the crap out of those priks etc I am a tall strong lad to always have been for my age but its like people see me at school they could tell I had no fight in me no nothing so they would attack and attack and attack me none stop I proabbly didn't help myself saying stupid stuff stemming from me and my autism but I Was made to feel like a complete freak I was even afraid to go for a walk in case I ran into anybody in the street and they started on me.. it makes me sad thinking how pathetic it all was I had a few alright... mates if you call them that they wouldn't take the piss out of me as much as others but they would be pissed off at me cus I didn't defend myself and they were right about that but its hard to explain i just felt like my mum had drained all my fight and stuff away with her horrid deppression it didn't help that she would get in a state everyday and at first beleive me I felt bad for her I got her tishoo I helped her but it never changed she just got more aggressive and aggressive anyway what im getting to here is im so pissed off sometimes that i didn't defend myself and It is so touchy for me but now I am clear headed and anxiety free I can think about stuff like this and not over think or anything its great!
And to anyone else who has had any of these issues or worse feel free to talk to me as its nice to talk to people who have had some issues i have and I came through the other side, I wont pretend my lifes perfect I live with my grandma and im tryna save enough money to move out into my own place, do that up live minimilistically save save save and then find a girl a nice warm caring girl who knows just how to cheer me up or what to say to me etc I still feel lonely but everytime I think back to the hell I had at school years and many years before im just glad im away from it even though its hard to appreciate cus its so long ago I remember back then thinking "Id do anything to move back to my hometown"(my mum moved us their away from the rest of my family for a "fresh start") Now my mum has been through a lot or so she says anyway but she has never once considered my feelings or even aknowledge how vile shes been to me she could be hitting me smashing my room up etc drunk or not drunk and then the next day make up something and be pissed off at me I used to think it was me then I thought she was crazy now I think she is just vile who wants to make everyone around her as miserable jelous and pathetic as she is
Im glad to say im nothing like her!
again sorry to have babbled on a bit their guys but this forum has become sort of like a group of friends to me you guys all have valuable life experience for example and its really comfoting I can share some of my worries and life quarms with you. Peace!
