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Would you ever date someone who has a child whilst you have none?

Jabberwocky

Jabberwocky

Frumious Bandersnatch
Joined
Nov 3, 1999
Messages
84,998
I have found someone who I want to date and I think she gives off the vibe that she feels the same way too however she has a kid. I am just concerned that if we date the kid will call me dad and it will make me somewhat uncomfortable as I for one don't know if the relationship will last and don't want to live with the fact this kid called me dad when I wasn't :( Am not to keen on hurting kids.

So would you date a person with a child?
 
why not? How old are you and her and the kid?
Where IS the real dad? Just because she is single doesnt mean there is no dad.
When you get older if you are single, most women have kids, better get used to it lol
If you are you (assuming) dating a chick with a kid is one thing, having a long term relationship might be different,.
 
Yes I would - If you don't know where the relationship is going, try it. I'm guessing that if this person becomes part of your life - having the kid call you Dad will be a blessing.
 
I wouldn't, but that's only because i'm uncomfortable about raising someone else's child. I wouldn't ever completely feel in my right to be a parent to that child.. it's a mental hang-up of mine, maybe i'll move past it as i get older.. but for now i avoid it.
 
baggerr said:
When you get older if you are single, most women have kids, better get used to it lol
If you are you (assuming) dating a chick with a kid is one thing, having a long term relationship might be different,.
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true and true....

i dated a girl with a kid and albeit it was not for very long i still enjoyed it... i wasnt changing diapers and all that but i still feed him in the morning and watched him sometimes but he was a really good kid and really chill so it wasnt a hassle or anything and ive always been really good with kids... but i wouldne really worry about the whole him calling you daddy thing, that something that takes time and if the actual dad is still on the picture then the kid will know the difference and if not, then thats something the mother needs to talk to the kid about... but be more worried with the relationship first then with the kid calling you dad.... anyways theres my two cents...
 
Is the dad around? If not, fuck that, run. Make sure you get full disclosure of how much alone time with her you can expect. Does she have every other weekend to herself? What is the kid's primary residence?

There is a paradox involved: is the kid in her care most of the time? After all, the less time she has to spend caring after the kid the better it is for you. otoh if the courts have deemed her ex to be the more suitable parent, then what's wrong with her? The courts always side with the mom unless there's a big problem. So you want her to yourself as much as possible, but if it is possible, then there may be a problem you don't want to get into.
 
beekr said:
Is the dad around? If not, fuck that, run. Make sure you get full disclosure of how much alone time with her you can expect. Does she have every other weekend to herself? What is the kid's primary residence?

There is a paradox involved: is the kid in her care most of the time? After all, the less time she has to spend caring after the kid the better it is for you. otoh if the courts have deemed her ex to be the more suitable parent, then what's wrong with her? The courts always side with the mom unless there's a big problem. So you want her to yourself as much as possible, but if it is possible, then there may be a problem you don't want to get into.
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all good points you should prob consider...

and the mom may just be lookin for a good fuck also and not even want you to be the kids dad or be in a relationship w her.... def alot of diff things to think about...
 
I wouldn't but that's because I know my limitations and that I'm not anywhere near prepared or responsible enough for a child.
 
Personally, I wouldn't date someone with a child. Why? Because I never want to have children. If I were to marry someone with a child, I would still have to take on a parental role of some sort. Which I don't want to do.

If you aren't against kids as much as I am (ex. you may potentially consider kids in the future), then just date her. Don't meet the kid upfront. It's tough for kids in that situation. Guys come in and out of the mother's life. But, when it becomes serious, you will need to meet the kid. Tell the kid to just call you by your name.

If you end up moving in together at some point (although that is a while down the road), you will end up having some responsibilities of a typical parent. Like watching the kid in school plays, driving them to school, helping with homework, enforcing chores, etc.

For the kid's sake, don't meet him or her too quickly. Not until you know the relationship is very serious.
 
I have dated women with children.

It's no big deal.

It never has gotten to the point where the kid called me "dad" but I have noticed some kids get a bit attached. It isn't weird, it's just natural. You find yourself wanting to give the kid good advice and to be nice to them and whatnot.

I never had a good father figure as a child, so I wouldn't mind ending up with a woman who already has a kid. I suppose with some women you might not really interact with their kids and other women you are around their kids more often.

It is really up to you as the relationship progresses as to whether or not you want to be in that situation. I would think that if a woman had you around her kids more often that things were getting more serious in the relationship. That is a bridge to cross when you get to it.

It is not like you are going to marry a woman just because you date her. So I wouldn't really worry about it at the start of a relationship. If it is a serious relationship that is progressing, just ask yourself if you would want to be in this family because that is what would eventually happen in a long term committed relationship.
 
Remember also that like crocodiles, kids grow. When they're little you can expect that mom will have them in bed by 9 PM and read them a story and that once they are sound asleep she will be free to spend quality time with you. That won't last. As the kids become teenagers they will be up late and become insufferable. That's normal, we were all insufferable as teenagers. But the question is, do you want to voluntarily expose yourself to that for DNA that isn't yours.

So game this all out in your mind and be honest with yourself. Do them both a favor and don't get involved unless you're willing to stick around. Kids will grow up to mimic the relationships of their parents and you are setting an example.

So go ahead and date for a bit if you want to see where it goes but do NOT, I repeat do NOT, meet the kid until you're sure. Until you meet the kid he/she is unaffected by your existence.

I know about this because a friend of mine just broke up with a woman who had a kid. He was in love and all that and the kid got attached to him and they went on little family vacations and all but then it went bad and poof, he was gone. Not good for the kid to have become attached and then to have the man disappear. It's a pattern she will expect for the rest of her life.

Good luck :)
 
I sure would, and I often do! Because I am female, most of the time the person I date's ex GF or wife has custody of the kids, so I don't really get to see them all that often, but I seem to always enjoy the time I do spend with them. If I get really attached though, it makes the break ups even harder :'(
 
That's cool, I'm glad there's some nice women out there who can bring a bit of joy to the kids :) The problem when it's a man dating a woman with kids though too, is unfortunately there are predators who seek them out and there is a very unfair reputation for men who date women with small kids, a broad brush of moral panic for a tiny sample of spectacular horrifying incidents. Nobody worries about that when a woman dates a man with kids. So that is something to keep in mind for guys interested in women with kids, they might be looked upon with unfair suspicion. It sucks for women who have kids because it's all the more reason why good men might steer clear but it's been known to happen that emotionally damaged women who are desperate for affection may look the other way as well. That's another reason why if I dated a woman with kids then the dad would absolutely have to be in the picture which would reduce and hopefully eliminate any potential opportunity where an accusation could be made. I'm really paranoid lol.
 
I wouldn't date a woman who had kids already with a father that is still alive. The reason being are scenarios such as the recent one where Plaxo co-founder Minh Nguyen murdered his ex-wife's new husband because he and his ex-wife had issues over child custody. I've got enough problems as it is. I don't need some insane ex-lover coming after be because I've become the new alpha male in the woman's life.
 
Why not? The child will not call you "daddy" until you become too close to his mom and if it happens - then you'd love this child and would like him to call you his way..
 
Update it's not going ahead. Not because of the kid though.... She made mention of the dad and I hate it when girls bring up their exes all the time.
 
noonoo said:
Update it's not going ahead. Not because of the kid though.... She made mention of the dad and I hate it when girls bring up their exes all the time.
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Wait, maybe she mentioned him in the context of his role as a parent, and not because he is her ex lover? The ex is also the other parent and that cannot be avoided :)
 
noonoo said:
Update it's not going ahead. Not because of the kid though.... She made mention of the dad and I hate it when girls bring up their exes all the time.
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That tends to happen with parents that are split.
 
OP, are you fucking kidding?? Who's gonna date you & have their child call you dad??

Omg this post blows my mind as to how some men can be so fucking arrogant that sole parents are just lkng for a baby daddy.

Get a grip on reality dude, & ffs grow up!!

Rtp
 
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