Worried about being on Benzo's for life....

[Midazle]

So I've been on Benzo's since I was 16 and I'm 24....really I'd like to get off Benzo's or more realistically only have them for emergencies....I don't find them particularly "awesome", never really did I've just had a horrible mix of abuse, anxiety, chronic pain and insomnia from the pre-mentioned stuff....I started with Ativan 1mg at night for about 6 months when I was 16 and then quickly switched to Klonopin 0.5mg at night and now I'm at 1-2mg at night....well I was doing fine but then my doctor decided she doesn't want me to take opioids anymore, kind of pissed but I am starting to feel better from this new chemo treatment. Anyways I was on OxyContin 20mg 2x a day plus 7.5mg 3-4x a day this time 2 years ago and now I get 5mg Percocets 4x a day....this past month I finally went down to 4x instead of 5x a day and let me tell you it just sucks. Even on the 5x a day schedule I'd take 5x a day every day and then some and be short about 5-10 days early and now I'm short like 10-12 days early and my benzo usage is through the roof. I have gone through opioid and benzo withdrawal seperately and together and benzo withdrawal is the worst and together they suck...but Ive gone a week without taking either and gotten to sort of a place where its not withdrawal anymore and I can feel my bodies natural feel and its wonderful until I get breakthrough pain from my chronic pain disorder -_- I just want to be on as few meds as possible but the lack of pain control has me taking crazy amounts of benzo's (relative to what I feel comfortable with). Seriously the other day I did 2.5mg of Klonopin and then 5mg of Ativan 4 hours later and today I took 7mg of Ativan on top of 90mg of Temazepam because I'm running low on Oxy and I plan to only take 5mg to get through the night...I don't get opioid withdrawal anymore, I just get breakthrough pain and I know its breakthrough pain because I'll forget about Oxy for 6, 8, 10, 12, 16 hours at a time until it is time to do something physical. And what sucks is with the oxy at 40-50mg total a day the klonopin dose was 0.5mg at night and sometimes not even 0.25mg and I'd sleep through the night (I'd take a more breakthrough oxy at night to sleep better) and I'd wake up refreshed....well try waking up 8 hours later feeling perfectly fine with triple the dosages of 3 different benzo's in your system...seriously I can't just be a slug...my only remedy has been 20mg of Methylphenidate to wake me up. This time last year I would have laughed at the idea of this kind of shit but now its a reality. Anyone have any advice? I guess I'm trying to keep the benzo dose low, no shortage of benzo's...I kept the 0.5mg K-pin dose going for 5years+ so I'm hoping I can slowly go back down? I don't have panic attacks or anything like that...just minor anxiety, and insomnia and life is starting to calm down...everytime I've had benzo withdrawal I was functional and not worried other than having a seizure and freaking my family out or something but I figure if I run out of klonopin I can take some of this unlimited supply of Ativan I have.

 

[Jekyl Anhydride]

Sounds like your presently residing between a rock and a hard place. The problem with just dropping the benzos is not only the risk of seizures but also the potentiation that they provide for the opiates. You might have a rougher time with your pain levels without something to help the pain meds along. You also mentioned Chemo which puts this into doctor supervision territory. A long talk about your current situation with the MD you feel is most qualified might bring about options that you might not have previously considered. Drugs like carisoporadol, gabapentin and a host of others used on a short - medium term basis could help you achieve the goal of being benzo free but not in agonizing pain.

My father has been on moderate doses of benzos for 22 years and two of his docs told him he will never be able to quit as too many long term changes are in effect and most likely will never return to normal regardless of how long the taper is. Your still young and can rebound from them. Again with all factors considered this really does fall into doctor territory. Stay determined and hang in there.

 

[Midazle]

Anyone else have any insight? I know my posts are long but as many of you may know life is...long...and..rough... I'm already short again on these damn Oxy's because I went and did something productive outside.

EDIT: Is it normal to have a massive tolerance for a drug but not a correlating massive withdrawal? I mean my benzo withdrawal was off easily 2.5-3.5mg of K-pins at night and for about 10 days I just remembered CBT and combat breathing whenever I'd get some weird sensation or wanted to relax....I mean I can take 16mg of Ativan and it feels like I took 90mg of Restoril alone or 4mg of Klonopin alone....similar with Oxycodone...I once took a break from a 80mg a day "diet" of Oxy and after 24hours of cold chills, really bad diarrhea, fevers, aches, etc. all I had was a little diarrhea twice a day, some aches (this was when I had multiple injections to block the nerves) and no real cravings accept when an ache would increase for a longer period of time than normal or if I had trouble sleeping. Is that normal? Obviously it varies I suppose.

Sounds like your presently residing between a rock and a hard place. The problem with just dropping the benzos is not only the risk of seizures but also the potentiation that they provide for the opiates. You might have a rougher time with your pain levels without something to help the pain meds along. You also mentioned Chemo which puts this into doctor supervision territory. A long talk about your current situation with the MD you feel is most qualified might bring about options that you might not have previously considered. Drugs like carisoporadol, gabapentin and a host of others used on a short - medium term basis could help you achieve the goal of being benzo free but not in agonizing pain.

My father has been on moderate doses of benzos for 22 years and two of his docs told him he will never be able to quit as too many long term changes are in effect and most likely will never return to normal regardless of how long the taper is. Your still young and can rebound from them. Again with all factors considered this really does fall into doctor territory. Stay determined and hang in there.

Sounds like your presently residing between a rock and a hard place. The problem with just dropping the benzos is not only the risk of seizures but also the potentiation that they provide for the opiates. You might have a rougher time with your pain levels without something to help the pain meds along. You also mentioned Chemo which puts this into doctor supervision territory. A long talk about your current situation with the MD you feel is most qualified might bring about options that you might not have previously considered. Drugs like carisoporadol, gabapentin and a host of others used on a short - medium term basis could help you achieve the goal of being benzo free but not in agonizing pain.

My father has been on moderate doses of benzos for 22 years and two of his docs told him he will never be able to quit as too many long term changes are in effect and most likely will never return to normal regardless of how long the taper is. Your still young and can rebound from them. Again with all factors considered this really does fall into doctor territory. Stay determined and hang in there.

Well that is reassuring. I don't plan on withdrawing from benzo's cold turkey, pretty dumb idea...in fact I always keep some benzo's nearby just in case someone (including me) has a seizure. I had 3 seizures as a kid but neurologist says my brain is fine...that said I feel like I will always need a dose of benzo's just to be safe....I know someone who takes a moderate dose Librium every 4-5 days because they were on heavy benzos for life and wanted to quit but their doctor said quitting was basically either seizures or normality with very low doses of long acting benzo's....I'm just grateful I'm not the kind of person with panic attacks that has to take the stuff 3-4x a day or stuck on Xanax. I wonder if my doctors can somehow work out that if I go off opioids my benzo usage is going to go through the roof and even though I want to go off benzo's I can't because of pain....surely there is some common ground here? Sometimes I get nervous at the doctors office and forget everything I was going to say and smile and pretend everything is alright, always afraid my doctor is going to walk in one day and say "I'm stopping your script for X"....its irrational and my current doctors have said that is ethically wrong and borderline morally bankrupt but I had a doctor do that to me when I was on Hydromorphone for a severe injury during the last week of my semester, I couldn't move much less take a single exam. Honestly I'm such a functional person with my medication needs met, I stayed on the same dose of benzos and opioids for 3-4 years straight and now the boat is being rocked by my doctors because I am starting to feel a little better. My primary doc who is reducing my Oxycodone has been really patient, when I was starting to withdraw from tapering too fast she immediately wrote me a script for double the quantity and dose for a month and said "lets start over"...I don't want her to think I am some scam artist...I don't think she or my other current doctors do rather they just hate writing me narcs and I hate having to rely on them too! my vacations and plans revolve around my refill dates, especially now that I'm tapering where one day I'll take two pills but another day where I have to work 4am to 6pm manual labor then finish a project before a 9m deadline I am GOING to need no less than 6 of those 5mg pills even though my daily limit is now 4! It is just frustrating when you are having fun and you forget you are in pain completely and you hit the 4.5 hour mark and the pain is definitely coming back, sure I can deal with it but if it means I have to withdraw from what I was doing it is frustrating. When I am working I want to produce results without excuse. Oh well I am just ranting...maybe I should take some of this and put it in notes for my doctors. I suppose they've heard it all just not so organized.

 

[opiatekrzy]

I swear to god, i would of never got off benzos if I never of went to jail and was forced off of it, sure og sounds easy, but it's a very horrendous withdrawl. Even being forced off of it in jail was almost impossible. ..it's pretty addictive shit, tapering off is painful as hell. It takes a shitload of willpower. Wish you the best of luck