Midazle
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 25, 2011
- Messages
- 121
So I've been on Benzo's since I was 16 and I'm 24....really I'd like to get off Benzo's or more realistically only have them for emergencies....I don't find them particularly "awesome", never really did I've just had a horrible mix of abuse, anxiety, chronic pain and insomnia from the pre-mentioned stuff....I started with Ativan 1mg at night for about 6 months when I was 16 and then quickly switched to Klonopin 0.5mg at night and now I'm at 1-2mg at night....well I was doing fine but then my doctor decided she doesn't want me to take opioids anymore, kind of pissed but I am starting to feel better from this new chemo treatment. Anyways I was on OxyContin 20mg 2x a day plus 7.5mg 3-4x a day this time 2 years ago and now I get 5mg Percocets 4x a day....this past month I finally went down to 4x instead of 5x a day and let me tell you it just sucks. Even on the 5x a day schedule I'd take 5x a day every day and then some and be short about 5-10 days early and now I'm short like 10-12 days early and my benzo usage is through the roof. I have gone through opioid and benzo withdrawal seperately and together and benzo withdrawal is the worst and together they suck...but Ive gone a week without taking either and gotten to sort of a place where its not withdrawal anymore and I can feel my bodies natural feel and its wonderful until I get breakthrough pain from my chronic pain disorder -_- I just want to be on as few meds as possible but the lack of pain control has me taking crazy amounts of benzo's (relative to what I feel comfortable with). Seriously the other day I did 2.5mg of Klonopin and then 5mg of Ativan 4 hours later and today I took 7mg of Ativan on top of 90mg of Temazepam because I'm running low on Oxy and I plan to only take 5mg to get through the night...I don't get opioid withdrawal anymore, I just get breakthrough pain and I know its breakthrough pain because I'll forget about Oxy for 6, 8, 10, 12, 16 hours at a time until it is time to do something physical. And what sucks is with the oxy at 40-50mg total a day the klonopin dose was 0.5mg at night and sometimes not even 0.25mg and I'd sleep through the night (I'd take a more breakthrough oxy at night to sleep better) and I'd wake up refreshed....well try waking up 8 hours later feeling perfectly fine with triple the dosages of 3 different benzo's in your system...seriously I can't just be a slug...my only remedy has been 20mg of Methylphenidate to wake me up. This time last year I would have laughed at the idea of this kind of shit but now its a reality. Anyone have any advice? I guess I'm trying to keep the benzo dose low, no shortage of benzo's...I kept the 0.5mg K-pin dose going for 5years+ so I'm hoping I can slowly go back down? I don't have panic attacks or anything like that...just minor anxiety, and insomnia and life is starting to calm down...everytime I've had benzo withdrawal I was functional and not worried other than having a seizure and freaking my family out or something but I figure if I run out of klonopin I can take some of this unlimited supply of Ativan I have.