JaruneeSukSawat
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Sep 9, 2020
- Messages
- 1
Hi,
I'm just register to Bluelight. I know this forum since several years, and reading post help me so much, but i was so shy for register.
First, i'm french, so sorry for the way i use english.
One year ago, the 6 of september, i drop out from 80mg of methadone overnight. I was on methadone since about 2 years.
This medication was very helpfull to me. I felt more confortable with less anxiety, less mood swings, better sleep and better appetit.
But i felt no sexual desire and at this moment i just didn't care.
One year ago, i was on holidays in a non-european country, i met a guy on a festival, and i think i felt in love. But i didn't felt any physical desire inside myself so i decided to stop methadone for knowing if i really loved him.
I didn't want being sick with him so i run away. I was afraid that people around me think i'm drug addict if the police find my methadone, so i threw away in the toilet all my capsule of methadone. I had with me 4 "codoliprane"effervescent and 4 prazepam 10mg. I used this like "chinese method" for the begining, the first 3 days.
The first week, i was very tired but it was ok. I was still in holiday in an other country and stayed in hostel next to the sea. I could organize my time as i wanted/needed, going to swin, who was very helpfull, and taking many hot showers, order food as i needed, like i was supported. It was not so easy for sleep and eat, but my mood was ok.
After 6 days, i went to see some friend who are staying in the same country, i took some ketamine, about 0,25 mg and smoked marijuana. The day after, it was like cold turkey feeling was worth.
I came back to Paris after one week. It's became harder. At he beginning, i went back to work and still have good energy from my holidays. I started taking ketamine during the day time, very low dose each time, for trying to stand up. I had also Diazepam that my doctor gave me. ketamine and marijuana worked for the pain, but everyday i was more and more tired. With Diazepam, it was like the withdrawall symptoms were worth. My appartment is in the 5 floor whithout elevator. It became so hard went up my steps for bying some food and carry on "normal life".
So after 3 weeks, i asked my doctor a sick leave.
I started to read the post about methadone withdrawal on this forum, who very help me, and every day i hoped i feeling better.
But it was getting worth.
I started to feel l so down and at the end of october, i couldn't get out off my bed. I was so painfull and really so weak. I'm leaving alone with my cat, and the friends who most supported me are living in other town or country. Some of them staying in Paris, but everybody have his own life and i didn't want to be a burden to them. So i felt very lonely.
I'm working with drug users, in harm reduction association and in medical center specialized for drug-addict so i couldn't go to any place for asking from support because self-help is not working as well in France.
I read a post where the guy explain how half-life of methadone working, and understand that it could take about 4 months.
I started feeling better et the end of december. During this time, i used Ketamine and marijuana for the first 2 months. After, i started to feel in danger with cocaïne. I took a little beat sometimes, who was good for my mood, but bad for my back pain.
I went back to work at the begining of january.
Since i drop out methadone, i am not able to stabilize. But i'm so happy to find my eyes movement again and don't have to take medication everyday. Some days i'm very ok, and some days it's really too hard.
I'm on psychiatric medication since i was 15 years old. Those are more efficient are antispychotic, like Aripiprazole. Psychiatrics doctors says that i' m borderline or with bipolar disorder, who come from PTSD about my childhood. I made many years and kind of therapy about this, and i think i'm ok with my story now. But it is like my brain is deeply hurt in his way of working. I used drugs since i' m very young for trying to feel "normal'. But maybe this post become too long so i should speak about this later.
For today, i felt so bad, so this morning i have taking a capsule of 10mg of methadone. And i really feel much better. My mood is good and i don't really care about what hurting me. But some tensions in my shoulders coming back, it's painfull, and in some way i'm sad, and ask to myself if i belong to people like Dr Benjamin said" Il est des morphinomanes qu'il ne faut pas guérir". So i tell to myself that maybe i can try to make a small tapering for few days for trying past this moment. I really would like living without taking medication everyday. So i ask for support if you have some advice.
Thank you for read this post, and for the way you use self-help. In french forum, people just say that it's stupid to try getting out of methadone. I really would like to think an other way is possible.
I'm just register to Bluelight. I know this forum since several years, and reading post help me so much, but i was so shy for register.
First, i'm french, so sorry for the way i use english.
One year ago, the 6 of september, i drop out from 80mg of methadone overnight. I was on methadone since about 2 years.
This medication was very helpfull to me. I felt more confortable with less anxiety, less mood swings, better sleep and better appetit.
But i felt no sexual desire and at this moment i just didn't care.
One year ago, i was on holidays in a non-european country, i met a guy on a festival, and i think i felt in love. But i didn't felt any physical desire inside myself so i decided to stop methadone for knowing if i really loved him.
I didn't want being sick with him so i run away. I was afraid that people around me think i'm drug addict if the police find my methadone, so i threw away in the toilet all my capsule of methadone. I had with me 4 "codoliprane"effervescent and 4 prazepam 10mg. I used this like "chinese method" for the begining, the first 3 days.
The first week, i was very tired but it was ok. I was still in holiday in an other country and stayed in hostel next to the sea. I could organize my time as i wanted/needed, going to swin, who was very helpfull, and taking many hot showers, order food as i needed, like i was supported. It was not so easy for sleep and eat, but my mood was ok.
After 6 days, i went to see some friend who are staying in the same country, i took some ketamine, about 0,25 mg and smoked marijuana. The day after, it was like cold turkey feeling was worth.
I came back to Paris after one week. It's became harder. At he beginning, i went back to work and still have good energy from my holidays. I started taking ketamine during the day time, very low dose each time, for trying to stand up. I had also Diazepam that my doctor gave me. ketamine and marijuana worked for the pain, but everyday i was more and more tired. With Diazepam, it was like the withdrawall symptoms were worth. My appartment is in the 5 floor whithout elevator. It became so hard went up my steps for bying some food and carry on "normal life".
So after 3 weeks, i asked my doctor a sick leave.
I started to read the post about methadone withdrawal on this forum, who very help me, and every day i hoped i feeling better.
But it was getting worth.
I started to feel l so down and at the end of october, i couldn't get out off my bed. I was so painfull and really so weak. I'm leaving alone with my cat, and the friends who most supported me are living in other town or country. Some of them staying in Paris, but everybody have his own life and i didn't want to be a burden to them. So i felt very lonely.
I'm working with drug users, in harm reduction association and in medical center specialized for drug-addict so i couldn't go to any place for asking from support because self-help is not working as well in France.
I read a post where the guy explain how half-life of methadone working, and understand that it could take about 4 months.
I started feeling better et the end of december. During this time, i used Ketamine and marijuana for the first 2 months. After, i started to feel in danger with cocaïne. I took a little beat sometimes, who was good for my mood, but bad for my back pain.
I went back to work at the begining of january.
Since i drop out methadone, i am not able to stabilize. But i'm so happy to find my eyes movement again and don't have to take medication everyday. Some days i'm very ok, and some days it's really too hard.
I'm on psychiatric medication since i was 15 years old. Those are more efficient are antispychotic, like Aripiprazole. Psychiatrics doctors says that i' m borderline or with bipolar disorder, who come from PTSD about my childhood. I made many years and kind of therapy about this, and i think i'm ok with my story now. But it is like my brain is deeply hurt in his way of working. I used drugs since i' m very young for trying to feel "normal'. But maybe this post become too long so i should speak about this later.
For today, i felt so bad, so this morning i have taking a capsule of 10mg of methadone. And i really feel much better. My mood is good and i don't really care about what hurting me. But some tensions in my shoulders coming back, it's painfull, and in some way i'm sad, and ask to myself if i belong to people like Dr Benjamin said" Il est des morphinomanes qu'il ne faut pas guérir". So i tell to myself that maybe i can try to make a small tapering for few days for trying past this moment. I really would like living without taking medication everyday. So i ask for support if you have some advice.
Thank you for read this post, and for the way you use self-help. In french forum, people just say that it's stupid to try getting out of methadone. I really would like to think an other way is possible.