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Why rekindle something I can't have?

RhythmSpring

RhythmSpring

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 19, 2008
Messages
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We've vaguely known each other for ~10 years and have always been vaguely fond of each other. 4 months ago, she came to visit, and we fell in love. I was on mushrooms at the time, and she was sitting for me, but she felt it too (both the mushroom energy and the love).

The thing is, she lives like 7 hours away and has a 9-5 job, so I can't really see her often, so I can't really have a relationship with her.

She will be coming through the area again for 4 days, and I have the option of spending parts of those 4 days with her. I love her very much, and she is an awesome person, and she thinks/feels the same about me, but at the same time, since her visit 4 months ago, we haven't had the chance to reconnect. We started something we really wanted to explore, but couldn't. Although we kept in touch over the phone and email (especially the first 3 weeks after her visit), we've both recognized that that does not constitute the intimacy that we desire.

So, as much as I want to see her when she comes through the area again, I am afraid I will be feeding into feelings that I can't fulfill--desire for intimacy that I ultimately can't have because of distance.

But on the other hand, she'll be nearby and I love seeing her, so, why not just live in the moment?

I'm torn.
 
If you want to see her, then you should make plans to see her. Don't worry so much about what'll come afterward. I suppose the ultimate question is whether you think you'll regret seeing her more than you'll regret not seeing her, and possibly giving up your relationship all together.
 
LilikoiMoon said:
Just fufill those physical desires, and remain friends.
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Sorry, I'm just one of those people that can't have one without the other. I'm going to form emotional attachment, even if I go in it just to "fulfill those physical desires." Call me romantic.
 
samnslumberland said:
If you want to see her, then you should make plans to see her. Don't worry so much about what'll come afterward. I suppose the ultimate question is whether you think you'll regret seeing her more than you'll regret not seeing her, and possibly giving up your relationship all together.
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Thanks for this. This rings true.
 
Wouldn't you ultimately be feeding into feelings that are true - where that leads you both is another question? You both seem to want more than what you have now, if you both can live with the distance and the time apart, give it a try?

Be realistic with this though - if you both know that neither one of you can ultimately relocate - then enjoy the times you have together.
 
I guess my fear is that my love for her will prevent me from getting a relationship around where I live--stifling my opportunities for greater amounts of intimacy. I need intimacy right now. And I have monogamistic tendencies; if I get down with one person, there is a small chance I'll be looking for others.

I don't think we can do a long-distance relationship. Neither of us think that's sufficient. Meh

pill_billy said:
thats all you really have anyways... dont over think it...
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I'll try not to.
 
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