morphine-dreams
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2015
- Messages
- 1,392
I've tripped on shrooms about 4/5 times now. Only two were really breakthrough trips and the first was the most intense and the only one I'd call a truly bad trip (there was full ego death and everything, though I felt complately fine after. I don't know any of the exact doses, but all were under 3g. The mushroom in question is P.Cubensis.
So anyway, each time I take them, they just make me lose control emotionally, even though most trips have been good, great even. It's like even though I can still think about things rationally in my head and feel ok, my face/body reacts as if I'm experiencing intense and usually negative emotions. I'll just start sobbing over something very minor, or nothing at all, without actually feeling like I need to react the way I do. It sounds and looks terrible, but it's actually usually therapeutic if anything. This is usually on the come up, and then it often gets better after that. The peak is actually usually very fun for me. If I use weed and/or opiates during the trip, it always seems to help a lot and make the trip even better. This is all to say that even though the experience isn't usually bad, it's in complete control of me to the point that I really can't trip with other people because it always freaks them out and then that leads to an actual bad trip. Also, while I can have fun, I very rarely experience much clarity on shrooms, whereas I do with mescaline and dxm. On shrooms it's actually just a lot of confusion, much more so than if I were sober. The edginess and anxiety doesn't help, but I can usually handle that. It's the confusion that does me in.
I haven't tried any other tryptamines, but I can handle mescaline just fine, and I LOVE dissociatives. I'm wondering if it's just a brain chemistry thing? I do have severe ADHD so I'm sure I have naturally low dopamine levels to begin with, and shrooms are serotonergic, so could that be a reason for why shrooms affect me the way they do? From what I understand, mescaline is dopaminegic as well as serotonergic, so that's where my logic is coming from, although I'm definitely no expert on neurology. I also have not-so-severe PTSD, which has mostly been resolved. Is it just psychological, or maybe both-a combination of brain chemistry and then not being able to easily deal with the sort of shock to the system? The thing is, aside from the first trip where there was ego death and it was just too intense, I've never wanted to end the trip even though I always have benzos on hand in case.
Sorry for the long post, hopefully it makes sense. I just want to figure out what's going on because I actually really do enjoy shrooms and see them as a challenge to overcome, I feel that there's a lot to discover and learn from. Finally, if it is a brain chemistry thing (like I mentioned earlier, I have severe adhd, to the point that it greatly interferes with my life) would taking adderall beforehand help?
So anyway, each time I take them, they just make me lose control emotionally, even though most trips have been good, great even. It's like even though I can still think about things rationally in my head and feel ok, my face/body reacts as if I'm experiencing intense and usually negative emotions. I'll just start sobbing over something very minor, or nothing at all, without actually feeling like I need to react the way I do. It sounds and looks terrible, but it's actually usually therapeutic if anything. This is usually on the come up, and then it often gets better after that. The peak is actually usually very fun for me. If I use weed and/or opiates during the trip, it always seems to help a lot and make the trip even better. This is all to say that even though the experience isn't usually bad, it's in complete control of me to the point that I really can't trip with other people because it always freaks them out and then that leads to an actual bad trip. Also, while I can have fun, I very rarely experience much clarity on shrooms, whereas I do with mescaline and dxm. On shrooms it's actually just a lot of confusion, much more so than if I were sober. The edginess and anxiety doesn't help, but I can usually handle that. It's the confusion that does me in.
I haven't tried any other tryptamines, but I can handle mescaline just fine, and I LOVE dissociatives. I'm wondering if it's just a brain chemistry thing? I do have severe ADHD so I'm sure I have naturally low dopamine levels to begin with, and shrooms are serotonergic, so could that be a reason for why shrooms affect me the way they do? From what I understand, mescaline is dopaminegic as well as serotonergic, so that's where my logic is coming from, although I'm definitely no expert on neurology. I also have not-so-severe PTSD, which has mostly been resolved. Is it just psychological, or maybe both-a combination of brain chemistry and then not being able to easily deal with the sort of shock to the system? The thing is, aside from the first trip where there was ego death and it was just too intense, I've never wanted to end the trip even though I always have benzos on hand in case.
Sorry for the long post, hopefully it makes sense. I just want to figure out what's going on because I actually really do enjoy shrooms and see them as a challenge to overcome, I feel that there's a lot to discover and learn from. Finally, if it is a brain chemistry thing (like I mentioned earlier, I have severe adhd, to the point that it greatly interferes with my life) would taking adderall beforehand help?