Ijustneedavent
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2018
- Messages
- 2
Tbis is going to be stupid and I dont expect anyone to care, but I need a way to anoymously vent my feelings. Ever since my mom got her first divorce with my real dad, it seems that everything in life went down hill. For a while I didnt see my mom cause she was in a mental hospital. Doctors say if she never had me, she would have lived a normal life. But it was okay at the time cause I was little and just thought that was how lofe was. My grandmother took care of me a lot until my mom found another she loved and madried him. For a while things were going good again. Suremy stepdad would get mad a lot. But most times it was cause someone was being mean to me or mom. But after my grandma passed, it got worse. My step dad started calling words, ones used for women who sleep with everyone. I was still little and I didnt understand what I had done to make him so mad. It got to the point I was okay with it, I thought it was okay cause it was a punoshment for me making my mom go crazy. Years went on like this till it started to get physical and anytime he was mad he would punch my shoulders. And hard. My mom finally got tired of him cheating on her and broke off their marrage a few years ago. My two half zisters ended up going with him. Then it was just me and my mom, but she started to have another mental breakdown and she ended up kickinv me out. She lived with my grandpa til just a few days ago. Shes currently in a mental hospital because she started yelling at me and pushing me around. My grandpa had me call 911 and put her in the hospital. I know she needed to get help, and that it would have happened one way or another, but why do I feel like everything that has happened was my fault? If i would bave never been born, my mom would still be normal. If I would have kept my mouth shut I could have kept my sister close to me where I could protect them. Why couldnt I do anything to help my mom? Why did everything I tried to keep my family together fail? What could i have done differently? Why couldnt I be smarter or stronger? Or even never been born at all....