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Why are women attracted to men who are assholes?

sunedltye,
yes I agree with your original post about the journey to a**hole. I'm going to institute it for awhile. Thanks for pointing that out.
I feel better that others have experienced this.
The arehole attraction might be based on animal instincts. Animals fight for the females. literally. Although we as humans are supposed to be evolved when it comes to "relationships" it goes straight back to the law of the jungle it seems.
This is for the guys too.
-Females have a provider instinct deep within.
No matter how liberal females claim to be, instinctively (eventually) they want a dwelling to raise offsping in that is safe and secure.
I'm not intending to get roasted with any of this
Just some thoughts...
I also have to say that the "it'll happen when you stop looking thing" is the biggest bunch of BS I have ever heard." Please no offense to the person who posted that but think of the logic behind that. You have to put forth some effort and that means "the game" like it or not.
Peace
 
^
|
I think more of what they mean, is just stop focusing so hard on it, so that you are frustrated, and living your life just concentrating on that. Like when you are trying to solve a really difficult problem. Sometimes you are looking soooo hard at it, that you are missing some really obvious details. If you step away for a little bit, things sometimes come more easily. :)
 
If you look like Tom Cruise you can be a "nice guy" and you'll still get girls because they are attracted to you. Otherwise I suggest being somewhat of an asshole. I've tested this theory and I'm come to the conclusion that hot girls are mentally unsound.
Example:
Met a cute girl a couple months ago. Acted like a 'nice guy' until she completely blew me off at a club one night.
Following this I turned into a complete asshole - mainly because I was extremely pissed. I made fun of her a few times in front of her friends, I would ignore her when I saw her around campus, one of my buddies who is friends with her told her I "hate her" (direct quote)
Anyway, INSPITE of all this, she still ENTHUSIASTICALLY says "HI" when she sees me, she's called a bunch of times, and she seems to like me even MORE than when we first met...
What the hell?! If girls want to be treated like dirt, fine, I'll treat you like dirt. Its better than the alternative.
 
I am completely mystified by how you sugary-sweet nice guys keep pumping out statements such as:
"Yeah, so I started acting like a major asshole and now I get chicks...."
Are you all Oscar award winning actors? Are you students of Kevin Spacey or something?
Cause I am an asshole....and it takes all of my acting skills to play nice. And if you have ever watched the WWF, you know that it is much harder to convincingly fake being a bad guy than it is to fake being good. So what gives? Or are you guys just fabricating little stories on a message board to rationalize your real world existance? I'd seriously like a genuine explanation.
 
I'm still a good guy. I just don't take shit from anyone, especially girls like I used to.
 
i admit i like assholes but that's cause they'll kick any nice guys ass
 
Women are attracted to rich, good looking, confident assholes.

How do you explain all the fine women walking down the streets with poor, ugly looking assholes?
Click to expand...
 
Hmmm, I sincerely think this issue most of the time this issue is a misunderstanding and misjudgement.
Most everyone will readily admit that the way we act isn't necessairly a refection of who we are. And everyone knows that it takes a concerted effort to get to really know someone, and supercede the walls we put up for whatever reasons...
So, someone you assume is an asshole may be the exact opposite, and in my experience this tends to be true. Personally I have an issue with this, I've been called that "asshole" before and some of my current gf's friends had that impression of me so strongly they would activley try to keep us apart. It ended up turning into this bitter tense situation and things never got any better with some of them (one in particular). Now they talk, but it's not the same, and they were such close friends, I think it's just so sad...
Not only did they mistankley have that "typical asshole guy" impression of me, but had that "idiot girl who falls for typical assholes" impression of her, and that was just so far off the case for both of us. Now most of us are the closest of friends, and all that is in the past, but it's not like I don't remember how misguided and judgemental thier views of me were...
Just thought I'd offer up a different viewpoint, unless you are in the relationship, you don't really know the dynamics of it, and it's always safest to not come right out and assume things, try to get to know the people first....
 
Ok, I am mostly only going to reply to the bulk of the thread, and not to LL's orginal question which we have strayed so far from (sorry, LL!).
I want to agree with Alcoholic -- I'm sorry, but I see more good looking women with ugly men than I see ugly women with good looking men. I'm not sure how to explain this phenomenon,but it's what I see.
I like LO's theory about M and Ms -- tough on the outside and sweet and gentle on the inside. There is something to that. But then, I think contrast and depth is appealing in both genders.
I used to be the kind of girl that was always attracted to assholes. The first guy I was ever involved with - a 2 week fling during which I lost my virginity - was a total asshole. After several fucks he basically just started ignoring me, and when I asked him for a ride home one time, he conceded to give me a ride, but I had to sit in the back while his EX-GF sat in the front, and 'hotel california' played on the radio. I also later found out that in addition to fucking his ex he had been fucking 3 or 4 other women besides me.
So I think after that experience -- my first real experience being with an asshole -- that sort of set a pattern, or an archetype in my mind which I had to really fight against later to erase from my psyche. (Btw, I think there are more women who lose their virginities to assholes than men who lose theirs to bitches -- then again boys are often more psyched to lose their virginities.)
The next guy I fell for was a total asshole, though our 'relationship' didn't extend beyond more than a few days. Then the first man I really dated, though he was super nice, I never felt passionately about him, or was really in love with him. He never made me swoon; there was never that lust and passion and worship that I had with the two prior assholes.
The guy after my first real bf, whom I was briefly involved with, was the biggest asshole ever. He has done so many shitty things to me, you can't even begin to imagine. And of all the men I have ever known, I have loved him the most. From the second I met him I was convinced that he was "the One". I have never felt like that with anyone before and I sometimes wonder if I ever will again. He broke my heart and I have yet to see it fully heal.
Since then, I've been involved with non-asshole men and I do think I learned a lesson from getting my heart broken. But I still wonder if I am capable of truly loving and being satisfied with and feeling passionate about a man that is not an asshole.
Just exactly how much of an impact did that first man have on me? How fucking sad is that? :(
 
I think most of the guys who have women figured out choose to be assholes to them because they can. Nice guys think that being nice to a girl gets them to be attracted to you.
Maybe that's too simple, but just an idea.
 
fairnymph - freaky, i wrote this on the top of page two a week ago. i never knew your history. it's still up there ^
"a woman is attracted to a guy that resembles an asshole boyfriend from the past who dumped her and broke her heart, a guy she can never be with again, so she picks a guy that resembles him. Imagine a girl losing her virginity to a guy that dumps her soon afterwards, i'm sure she'll go out with least 4 guys like him in her life, trying to vainly reclaim some part of her lost innocent adolescence from a wound that never healed....."
 
being silent (ala being shy), you're viewed as a nice guy. each time one of us open our damn mouths, the percentage of being labeled "an asshole" goes up. but if we keep our mouths shut, we can't be assholes in most cases. so it's not essentially nice guys not getting girls, it's shy guys not getting girls; and the definition of shy and nice overlapping. for shy guys who don't go up to bat once in a while, they deserve to not get laid and if they want some action, they should get their asses off the disabled list
 
having fallen for guys who are indeed or turn out to be arseholes i know pretty much what its like.sometimes you dont know theyare real ones untilyou get to know them properly and their true colours come out.
i had a great guy.he treated me with love and told me all i wanted to hear.he worked in i night club and i also studied with him at uni.he moved to sydney and i came to visit him for a period which i shortened.
it wasnt untill i flew up to sydeny that his true colours came out.we were staying on base in his brothers navy rented apartement.were looking forward to seeing each other.the forst night went well,but when he left to go to work the next day he had locked me in the base.he took all the security crds and keys so i couldnt get out or in.
he didnt trust me.wouldnt let me talk to any male friends.went through my phone book and deleted all male numbers.read my messages and checked who id send em to.he came home one night and we had a huge fight and he turned, said he didnt love me etc. neva had.neva will.he continued to lock the doors for the next few days untill i decided to fly back home.
he was an arsehole.left me in a mental mess so i couldnt trust anyone.worst of all was i fell pregnant to him while i was with him.i miss carried though due to phsyical stress.so now im very carefull who i choose to be involved with.
unfortunantly a lot of my male friends still have to deal with the mental issues im going through but they are great friends and do what they can for me. :)
*starfalls69*
 
I always see girls going out with freaking asshole guys... IT REALLY pisses me off.
Mainly because I think of how well they could be treated..
I like to treat a girl with respect, I try to treat them like a princess.. Every relationship has its moments and its fights..
I'd like to think I am a pretty good looking guy, I make tons of money for my age, and I am a really nice guy who treats women very well, YET and i repeat this, it gets me NO WHERE!
WHY?? because girls dont want what they can have easily (most of the time. Wether the girl knows it or not, or wether it is subconcious they go for those assholes not because they see them as assholes(unless they truly are assholes to everyone) but because they like to think that there something different, something special to them. and there right they SHOULD BE someone special to them but as they try to believe this, the guy being the asshole that he is degrades them into thinking less of themselves and then they only stick around because they want to make things work, well the truth is the guy isnt going to want to try and make things work.. he may say he is but really subconciously he dont give a flying fuck....
There are probably very small amounts of people who TRY to be an ass, its more like they became that way due to certain events.. and do it without knowing they do it.. and some know they are assholes and just dont care.. and all this goes for the opposite sex as well, its not all male based.
I'd just like to find a girl who will treat me as good I treat her. my last relationship my girlfriend treated me like crap yet I put up with it because we had alot of fun together. but non the less she treated me like shit, so I for one knowing how it feels to be treated that way will NEVER treat a girl that way, wether she is cute/ugly what ever... I try to be nice to everyone I meet unless they are assholes before I even say anything.
thats just my 2cp...
latez
 
The old adage - "Treat em mean, keep em keen" holds pretty true.
It's quite fucked how often you see that happen. I have a friend who is an absolute cunt, no other word for it, yet he pulls more absolute hotties than anyone else i've ever known. Pump n dump through and through, yet there is an endless stream of girls. He does shit like fuck the girl's best friend after she's ben crying to her all the previous night... legendary stuff in the history books of maleness.
Truth be told, a lot of girls like nothing better than to be played. I don't know why, if i did i'd probably get more play, but if you treat them like a piece of meat you occassioanlly stick your dick in and have no other use for, some just keep coming back for more.
Poor ugly nice guys - don't become mean, your personality is all that'll get you some pity-pussy.
 
This is why I don't date women anymore;
Too much fuss, and not enough sincerity.
I still love their friendly company though. :)
 
This reminds me of a saying I invented, it goes:
"He who thinks with his dick, also talks out of his arse."
fairnymph, I have a question: What if said woman lost her virginity with two guys in a threesome? I'm serious too.
 
Because everyone wants what they can't have .... men are asses and women just try to get them not to be .... and keep thinking they are gonna change .... I am soo glad to finally have a guy that is not gonna treat me like shit!
 
this is not entirely unrelated:
men marry women expecting them not to change......and they do
woman marry men expecting them to change.....
and they don't
 
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