PaintTheTown
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 30, 2020
- Messages
- 96
After 20 years of a rollercoaster, everyday use of opiate pills I finally have sober time of one year. I used Kratom for six months and tapered of down the last two until I went to completely sober. I'm am very proud of myself which actually took me time to except as addiction makes you feel worthless. Six months ago my mother overdosed on heroin laced with fentynal. I tried to kill myself with an overdose of 80 metropolol (blood pressure medication) a few months before she overdosed. I actually used this drug to overdose because in my irrational mind I didn't want to use an opiate because I was clean. This overdose was a result of me having very hard conversations with my mother about sexual abuse I experienced as a child and in a relationship at the time of my overdose. Honestly I don't know how I stayed clean this past year except for pure will power and prayer. Because of my severe PTSD, anxity, and major depression I started with a psychologist who is also an addiction specialist. He recommended Suboxone daily after we spoke. I was surprised by this because I have a year clean even with all I been through. He feels I am not living and very raw due to I still have cravings. I definitely have them but much less then before. A lot of my cravings are because of uncontrolled pain and isolation due to severe PTSD and COVID. I go for short walks, eat clean, avoid caffeine, drink water, started medication for anxiety and insomnia. All these things help with my PAWS, mental illness, and sobriety. The doctor still feels based on my conversations that I would benefit from daily suboxone and I'm "this close" to relapse or white knuckling it. I would love advice on this and really got a brief feeling he may be one of those doctors who want me on long term Suboxone for financial gain. I don't want to trade one drug for another but also respect he may see something in me I can't due to all the trauma I experienced this past year regardless if I was able to stay sober. Let me know what you guys/girls think please.