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When you knew it was over for you? Drugs

I can't really point to any one event or circumstance. It's a culmination of things, then a sort of spiritual realization that something needs to change.

When I quit heroin it was mostly because I had been arrested for a very serious crime and was on probation for awhile. Although other things contributed, my friends were dying, the pain I was causing my family from stealing, and just an overwhelming sense that heroin had stolen my soul.

When I quit alcohol a few months ago it was mostly because I was literally dying. My organs were beginning to fail. I've hated alcohol for awhile, but it was mostly the threat of a very painful death that stopped me.

There's a lot more to it than that, but those are the main factors which led to change.
 
Fuck heroin , my struggle too and i think i m finally over with this fucking satanic piece of comfort, i feel it in my heart...Alcohol never really liked it but i know people who do
 
Yes it is very addictive even for me ..if i drink 2 days in a row then third day i kind of go for it automatically like some minor craving ...anyway, not worth it man . Thats f sure
 
That sounds to me like copy/paste of my drug taking career...only with alcohol..couldnt go to job sober or i was an edgy guy to say the least...6 weeks of sobrierty is killah man..its no joke , 6 days to infinity is actually much less distance than 0 days to infinity
 
painfulstate said:
The title is self explanatory...was it external circumstances? Was it somethiing of spiritual nature or your body telling you something..? Thats only for people who have stopped drugs or drastically stopped most of them
Thanks guys
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I was homeless and a meth addict 5 years ago.
A truck struck me crossing the street. A year and a half later I restarted my life but went back to meth because I felt bad.
Then my heart failed... I spent 6 months in the hospital. I was done! But a year later a close friend offered me 6 boxes of tramadol.
Because I have memory problems I accidently over dosed. After using pain pills my entire life for the first time I over dosed. After everything these pain meds were the last thing I was willing to abuse because I thought they were safe but because I took to many I could of died. I had call the ER and I finally realized that drugs suck. They expensive and they shorten your life and frankly I feel better working out then abusing drugs in fact I feel better and stronger every time I work out and I love my life give years sober.

I use a little weed but I don't abuse it and I take pain medication legally for my feet. I have neuropathy but whatever I am healthy and in good shape now and why would I ever abuse a highly addictive drug? That's crazy. Maybe some people can use drugs once a month, but that was never me it was a daily thing and it would be insane to not quit for me
 
Yeah, it was a culmination of a bunch of different things for me. I've been trying to get sober for like 12 years now, but have only really strung together like six months at most. This was a couple years ago. I'm sober today now, thankfully. It took me losing my marriage, losing my employment/finances and independence, dozens of jobs, the death of someone I loved dearly, jail, DUI and legal issues, and basically losing my mind before it sunk in that I really can't take drugs at all if I want to have a chance of living. I have no other choice than getting better, honestly. I've had periods of addiction to every class of drug but cocaine and alcohol have been the hardest for me to stop. I had something of a spiritual awakening too, which wasn't a matter of reading spiritual texts so much as putting aside my own selfish bullshit and putting faith in something greater than substances or material desires.

Not everyone has to go through all that though. If someone is finding that their drug or alcohol use is disrupting their life, I'd suggest they check out a 12 step meeting or try and see a counselor to maybe get to the bottom of why they're using so heavily. I've never done anything moderately, from sex to gambling to drugs.

It helps to find a cause greater than yourself, and work on that if you're truly working towards recovery.
 
I gotta say there was definitely a spiritual moment when I was coming off the junk and the booze and the blow. Took about a week to really set in but I kinda just threw up a prayer to the universe for the pain to be taken away and that's what has kept me clean since.

I feel like I was re-born spiritually or something. It was a weird experience that I never felt in my other attempts to get clean. I guess in my heart I was never really done using those other times but the last time was different.

Do I still think about using and drinking at least every day? Of fucking course I do. If a real junkie or alcoholic tells you they don't ever think about it they're full of shit. But it's more so just like a reminder that I USED to be this but I'm not anymore cuz I'm not a slave anymore. It's pretty weird and hard to explain.
 
painfulstate said:
That sounds to me like copy/paste of my drug taking career...only with alcohol..couldnt go to job sober or i was an edgy guy to say the least...6 weeks of sobrierty is killah man..its no joke , 6 days to infinity is actually much less distance than 0 days to infinity
Click to expand...
That bitch really is cunning baffling and powerful. 6 weeks 6 days 6 minutes is a step in the right direction keep steppin!
 
Bigsammy610 said:
I feel like I was re-born spiritually or something. It was a weird experience that I never felt in my other attempts to get clean
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Got u ..its a bit different to everyone but the first real NO to ur mind is a very precise point and it can be right before the end of withdrawals
 
When I can't function all I can do is get high but actually it usually ends up getting lower and lower I overdo it can't seem to moderate it whatsoever

Also my body feeling like it is failing

I truly feel desolated in my present use as I desecrated my whole existence with these insane dangerous binges

NSFW:



Pain and anxiety are feelings that I feel
They never wash away
They take me to my fucking grave
Life after death
It's all the same to me
I walk this road
Now end the fucking hurts
UGH!
What I want is to break free
What I need is for you to see
This light slowly fading
I've reached the end of the line
BUSTED!
Down and down again I'm on the bitter end
Life after death I can't get another life
Strife I strife I strife to end my fucking life
I distract, got nowhere to hide
This is the end of the line
I conform to your precious lies
This is the end of the rope
No remorse for the wicked world
There's a voice in the back of my mind
It's got me hooked like a puppet of strings
I pray for help as the story unfolds
Due to your life I have no future
This is the end of the line
I conform to your precious lies
This is the end of the rope
No remorse for the wicked world
Listen!
Slowly you can see the pain in my eyes
You know I reached my demise
I take a look into the mirror
I know I'm not made for this world
Survival of the fit
Only the strong survive
FUCK!


At the end of the line if I don't stop there's a train coming down the tracks I won't be able to dodge playing chicken for too long

It's still going right now I am stuck in a cycle this shit is getting more sinister it's scary call a priest for me

Basically I know I need to stop feel better when I do start to function again but am off the rails brakes seem cut

Life has been a trainwreck for awhile I have to do something soon it's a long hard road out of hell I did this to myself it is easier to blot out the emotions but really keeping on drugs like I am is retarding my ability to process feelings as reason is being incinerated from both ends plus that candle is nearly done

Will see if I can take action tomorrow start working a plan to get out of this maze alive no idea how many more drugs I will do before it's over be nice to be a functional person this is really getting not so fun
 
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I had been sober years.
I took tramadol because a friend gave it to me and I felt like it couldn't hurt. I over dosed. I called 911 they laughed at me and said I would live and I was dumb, my parents and family found out I'm 39. So I told myself that this wasn't working. I couldn't work out during this time or work for a week and I felt like I had failed in life.
Instead killing my self. I got sober again, I started working out and eating healthy.

Now I get stronger every month o gain muscle, I am always becoming smarter in life in the way I do stuff im finally living life correctly so. That's how I knew I needed to quit because drugs will find you and nothing is more important then your health.. now I know.
If your a man, work out
 
I recently took two hits of strong acid, bunch of Molly, bunch of clear, bunch of blues, went to a rave.

Getting into the uber afterwards, something injected itself into my minds eye, instantly sobered me up and made me feel physically hyper-real, told me the struggle would be over soon.

Left me about ten minutes later, drugs by comparison were nothing compared to whatever that was....so trying to get back to that now. Made me think a couple things:

1. There is something out there infinitely more pleasurable than drugs by a longshot, but is mutually exclusive.

2. Negative inner self talk isn't a human faculty, but something exogenous acting upon the person.

Ps: Done this combo a LOT from same batches along with lots of other substances in the past. This experience was genuinely new and profound, I was scared when it happened and confused as a motherfucker now.
 
Oh my god right. So at first I thought I could use a couple of pills everyday to maintain my work ethic and stave off panic attacks as well as chronic pain. After a few years you know you got to take more and more at least on the painkiller side. By the fourth year I had realized that it probably wasn't going to be a sustainable habit long-term.

It was just so inconvenient to try to go through detox at the time because I was working 70 hours a week a lot of people relied on me I had a lot of bills. In 2014 my main supplier got arrested on a major Rico money laundering drug trafficking indictment. It caused me to source my secondary and small time go betweens. Which afforded me many opportunities for drama.

Also in 2014 they rescheduled hydrocodone from a schedule 3 to a schedule 2. Making it basically unattainable on the street. Price of shot up inventory fell. And the economics of supply versus demand took over. Not good. So my habit went from a $x a day to a $XX a day problem. I started using oxy, morphine, Subutex more often because those were the things I could get. I would mix them with Xanax, Klonopin, or Valium to stretch my supply.

I woke up many times at night not breathing. Or gasping for air. My relationship was on the rocks my career was in jeopardy My health had declined rapidly.

What did it for me personally , the final straw was the very close call in 2016 of an associate leaving 9 voicemails 14 text messages on my burner. He used my real government name which he never did before and he was talking about prices and stuff you really should not be doing. I knew he had flipped. I knew I was about to be f*****. I knew right then and there that if by the grace of God I didn't get hauled off to prison that I should make a change and stick with it or I was going to prison or I was going to be dead.

So on August 8th 2016 I took my roughly $x,xxx worth of pills, coke, hash and bud and tossed it into a creek behind my house.

Probably 3 years later I had a small relapse for about 2 weeks but other than that I've never used again.

So to answer the question I basically knew that it was over early 2014.
 
Now I work with addicts to get them into treatment. I encourage new users or new dealers to just get out of that lifestyle. It's hard though man they really don't want to listen I remember being like that myself. I got friends that will never see the light of day again whether it be from prison or being dead.

Some of them killed themselves, couple of them overdosed, couple of them were homicides. Not really fair that I'm here and they aren't. I've got friends and family who are still in the depths of addiction.

Life is an absolute gift Don't squander it
 
When you pass out in the bogs in a Sunday evening club while supposedly high on mdma and then end up getting chucked out by the bouncers.
Somehow managed to get a night bus but ended up passing out in that one as well several times missing my stop several times each time getting chucked out by the driver at the end of the line.

That was the first time I knew I had to quit.
 
When I saw myself not changing if I continued, that my life goals wouldn't stand much of a chance. And when I realized that it's not a game. And when I finally decided to play things fair. And when I finally started listening to my treatment providers. And when I realized that I'd be spending untold amounts of money in rehabs, etc. for possibly my whole life if I didn't stop it myself.
 
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