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When will the fog lift?

K

KraziKat

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 30, 2013
Messages
458
It's been about a month since my last roxicodone pill (had a 150-200 mg day habit). I used kratom and a little bit of suboxone to come off it, but then for two weeks I turned into a goddamn alcoholic. I drank every day while on the blues, but not extreme excess like I was for the last week.

I had my moment of clarity. It's now on day 3 of no booze, just a small amount of kratom, which I'm hoping not to do today. I've got tons of supplements but I can't tell I forgot they're effective. I feel this deep brain fog, and yesterday depression was horrible. When will it lift?

Any supplement recs?
 
Btw, my marriage is strained now. Wife says she feels like she is walking on eggshells. I try and tell her about it and what's going on, but I think obsessing over it is causing stress. She just wants me back.... but I'm afraid not sure who I am, sober that is, as it's been so long. I truly feel my brain needs rewiring.
 
It's hard to predict when that fog will lift because it varies so much from one person to another. What I *can* say is that it will get better with time. You'll probably have good days and not-so-good days. But as you abstain from the opioids, the good days will (slowly) become better and more frequent.

For what it's worth, for a lot of people recovering from an opioid habit, about 90 days of abstinence tends to give your brain enough time to start feeling more fully on track. But again, that's a very rough figure.

I'm very sorry to hear about the strain in your marriage. One thing you wrote really stood out to me--your wife's (understandable) eagerness just to "have you back." This is very common among the families of recovering addicts. Unfortunately, it often suggests a lack of understanding about what the recovery process is like. (I don't mean this in any critical way...after all, who could know what recovery is like if they haven't had experience with it before?). If it's possible, I recommend that your wife educate herself about addiction and recovery. She could do this by reading, by seeing a qualified therapist, or through an organization like al-anon or nar-anon. Of course you can help educate her, too. But she may have an easier time learning about this challenge from a neutral third party.

The truth is that there is every likelihood that she *will* have you back in the sense she's talking about. But it's likely to be a long process, and one with some bumps along the way. The two of you may also find that over time, you grow into someone a bit different from who you used to be. Recovery from addiction can entail pretty dramatic growth/change. But there's every reason to think that the two of you will wind up closer than you were before. :)

I hope you'll let us know how things continue to shape up. (And I'm sure someone more qualified than me will chime in with info about supplements, by the way.)

Best,
Sim
 
Thank you, Simco. Yikes on the 90 days. But I suppose it will get better in time, day by day. I'm wondering if I'm going through both opiod and alcohol withdrawal?

I caved today and had some kratom. The achiness, RLS, lethargy and brain fog... I just wanted some relief, which it gave me. I may need to take kratom this week as needed in order to handle extreme stress and gain focus for a huge workload this week. Idk. I'm confused. I'm not kidding myself, I know k is just an opiate substitute.

Do you think .5 of suboxone would be a good idea to kick kratom? I have two .5 slivers left that I never used.

I need to beat this grogginess!

Btw, wife went to a shrink that specializes in addiction last week, and she is going again this week. I want her to get educated but not thrilled about someone I've never met making demands on what I *have* to do...
 
If it's been that long since you stopped using oxycodone and you are still struggling with your mood, it may be a good idea to continue taking small amounts of kratom while you establish the healthy habits in your life you'll need to help regulate your mood more effectively. I find it easier to develop such habits when I'm stable on something like kratom (in my case I used methadone to stabilize) after quitting opioids than it is to just dive into it totally abstinent.

There are some medications that you might want to look into though that could be more effective at helping you deal with your cravings - in particular gabapentin and baclofen. You have to be careful as using these very long term will lead to a dependence their own, but for the short term (a couple months) it sounds like you'd benefit from how they can help to suppress cravings for opioids and gabaergic substance (like alcohol).

If you want to try and stop using the kratom, you would probably benefit from a low dose (0.25mg-0.5mg) of buprenorphine for a couple days, but I'd seriously consider putting your efforts more into developing the kinds of healthy habits (like an exercise routine, meditation practice, healthy sleep schedule, balanced diet and self care regime) that are necessary to more effective regulate one's mood without having to rely so much on substance use. Also, do look into working with your doctor on getting some meds to help you overcome your cravings (gabapentin/baclofen).
 
Thanks toothpaste. Great ideas, however, I'm not using a dr. My pain med abuse began as strictly recreational and then got out of control. I don't have general practitioner...basically, when I'm real sick (actually sick, like bronchitis or something, I go to the walk-in places. Ya think they'd be sympathetic to my cause? I pretty much see a new doc every time I go.
 
They might be, but generally speaking that kind of medical system (it sounds like you're speaking about the way urgent care facilities work in the US) isn't really designed to work with patients with your kinds of needs.

I'd really try looking into finding a psychiatrist or GP who would be willing to work with you long term (over the course of a couple years) to help you utilize psychiatric medications to help manage your mood and cravings with stuff like what I mentioned. It might even be worth exploring if an antidepressant could work for you as well.

Basically, it is very likely that you'll need support for the long term (by this I mean six to thirty-six months) from a medical professional to really have your needs met effectively. It doesn't really work to have to see a different doctor every time you go in for an appointment for this kind of thing. Really what you'd benefit the most from is finding a doctor sympathetic to your struggles and willing to work with you and beginning to establish a constructive client-practitioner relationship with him or her.
 
You've been through a lot. You need more time, and that's ok. Alcohol is kind of poisonous, and it's a depressant. The oxy robs our natural brain chemistry. You have a few things going on here, but there are many ways you can help yourself. Think positive, look how far you've come already. Give yourself some space and time. Focus on your health, get good sleep, water, vitamins, exercise, walks, hobbies, etc, etc. Sunshine, music, connecting with friends. Detox teas are good. Hot baths, sweating. There are also natural supplements that can help rebalance natural brain chemistry. I don't know a lot about these, so these things should be properly researched, but I've liked things like 5htp, gaba, thianine, and so many more that may, may help.

Keep it going. Each day gets better, and clearer.
 
Feeling better this am. Slept about 4 hours, just read the sticky page on Mindful based harm reduction. Wife was pissed last night that I took a hit of weed, but I tried to explain to her that I'm getting better, not being too hard on myself, and it really gave me more clarity and a much needed break from the depression and anxiety I've been feeling. Up until a few days ago, she was unaware of my alcoholic ways and just thought I had a problem with opiates. Now I know, using booze to combat physical WD symptoms and PAWS is a terrible idea!

This am, I agreed to attend an upcoming SMART meeting. Would be happy to.
 
Phee said:
You've been through a lot. You need more time, and that's ok. Alcohol is kind of poisonous, and it's a depressant. The oxy robs our natural brain chemistry. You have a few things going on here, but there are many ways you can help yourself. Think positive, look how far you've come already. Give yourself some space and time. Focus on your health, get good sleep, water, vitamins, exercise, walks, hobbies, etc, etc. Sunshine, music, connecting with friends. Detox teas are good. Hot baths, sweating. There are also natural supplements that can help rebalance natural brain chemistry. I don't know a lot about these, so these things should be properly researched, but I've liked things like 5htp, gaba, thianine, and so many more that may, may help.

Keep it going. Each day gets better, and clearer.
Click to expand...

Yes! Going to try and take this advice, phee. And it's helpful to think about how far I've come and getting better each day. Btw, phee, is your username a nod to phish and fee? If so, fellow phan here!
 
Right on buddy. And it sure is. I'm a big fan. :). How are you doing today?
 
Phee said:
Right on buddy. And it sure is. I'm a big fan. :). How are you doing today?
Click to expand...

Feeling a lot better than I did a few days ago that's for sure. Trying some supplements – holy basil, ashwaganda and rhodilia. I have a ton of work to do, and I can't afford to spend the day being a trainwreck, so i have some kratom on hand to take as needed. I'm taking your advice and not being too hard on myself. I took a quick vape of MJ last night, and the wife was ticked off... i had to explain to her that it actually gave me clarity and took the edge off the extreme depression and anxiety i've been having. Harm reduction. I am NOT ingesting alcohol or oxy, nor am i seeking out those substances.

I also quit cigarettes last week by reading Alan Carr's EasyWay book. I'm trying to apply those same principles to booze and pills. I DO think I can live a life of moderation with drugs and alcohol, but for now, I am going to abstain from booze. I am at the crossroads of my life... it's weird, but I feel that way.

Any, phee, I'm in NJ, NYC area, and really looking forward to Bakers Dozen at MSG! Great to meet a fellow phish fan on here :)
 
Krazi...I think your intuition is right on the money in your last post. Many people find MJ helpful during recovery from opioid addiction. The jury is out on its effect, but many anecdotal accounts suggest that weed is pretty benign for folks in (y)our position.

Alcohol, on the other hand, can be really risky for recovering opioid addicts. Alcohol works on the brain in ways very similar to opioids, and it's quite common for folks to trade an opioid addiction for problems with booze. So caution is a good strategy on that one.

Obviously, each person is unique; I'm sure plenty of folks could drink without problems after kicking dope. But why court disaster?

When you're farther along in recovery, you can always revisit the issue. Meanwhile, enjoy some weed if it helps, and enjoy your music!
<3
Sim
 
Yes, a little weed here and there can help. Maybe in edible form will help a bit more. Of course, the less odten you can have it the better it is.

Maybe we could connect for/before one of the shows.
 
I'm going to look at MJ as an "as needed" thing. I've truly stopped enjoying daily pot-smoking... I just don't love being stoned as much as I did in my younger days. Makes sense that it works on different areas of the brain. And now, after 4 days booze-free, it makes perfect sense why I latched so hard onto booze after stopping the oxy.

I'm looking forward to waking up and not feeling that achiness and anxiety.
 
At this point, you should now be beginning to see improvements. Maybe you get some deeper sleep. Your dreams will come back. You'll get a little pep in your step, and actually have moments where it feels like a viel is being lifted. It takes time. Every day is better, just be patient.
 
KraziKat said:
I'm going to look at MJ as an "as needed" thing. I've truly stopped enjoying daily pot-smoking... I just don't love being stoned as much as I did in my younger days. Makes sense that it works on different areas of the brain. And now, after 4 days booze-free, it makes perfect sense why I latched so hard onto booze after stopping the oxy.

I'm looking forward to waking up and not feeling that achiness and anxiety.
Click to expand...

I myself have just made the switch from using dissociatives to manage my mental health to medical cannabis. I cannot believe I waited this long. I'm not interested in being stoned all the time, but using the vape in the evening is, when I don't have something more important to do, a nice way to conclude my day. And infinitely less harmful compared to a lot of other types of substance use. It's amazing how a just a tiny bit of cannabis can go a long way.
 
My wife is in therapy with "an addiction specialist" who is making all kinds of demands on ME. She is going to her 2nd appt today which makes me uncomfortable. From what I gather, he is old-school, strictly a believer in AA, and demanding abstinence and constant meetings, etc. She started talking to me the morning about "my plan" -- like she was gathering a checklist to give to him today. UGH.

I am not powerless. I chose to put those pills in my mouth and drink vodka and bourbon straight from the bottle. I am choosing not to today.

Tomorrow, we will both see my therapist. I am back in therapy once a week. I started talking to someone years ago about my broken heart and ED issues I was having. I like my guy -- we talk mindfulness, cognitive therapy -- it is not one size fits all!!
 
Hi Kat. There's a phrase I've heard that goes "you can't dictate the terms of your own revovery". Ooh, that's confronting. Everyone is different. There are different ways to look at and treat addiction. Some people have more will power, and some people need to really turn to others and dive in to their program, their way. It's not an easy thing.

Hope you're continuing to feel a little better.
 
Thanks, Phee. I am feeling better, I think. I miss the pills, not so much the booze. But I know what I need to do. Like Trey says: "I see the path ahead of me..." Too bad it's going to take more than a minute when I'll be FREE.

I work in publishing as a magazine editor and I'm deadline this week for our biggest, most labor intensive issue of the year. This is always when I'd make sure to have my blues for work. Finding it very hard to stay focused and on task. I'm not going to try and cop, but I am indeed struggling. I'm being mindful... I know every time I take a kratom dose I continue to run in place or take a step back. But I'm not going to fool myself. When I broke free of the oxy, and then the suboxone, I drank like an alcoholic to deal with WD. I hated sub WD.

I kinda feel like I'm running and thinking in circles, but I am making progress. I mean, Never in my life have I given up drinking, and I've been abusing alcohol since I was a teenager... like the old joke from the movie Airplane, "I knew I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue."
 
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