I've had a very stressful few weeks so apologies in advance for the rant.
so 4 months ago my doctor decided my anti-depressant (which has worked perfectly for the last nine years) needs "a change-up" and switches me from sertraline to amitriptyline. I beg him not to. He ignores me. 2 weeks later and I'm crying in bed cutting my limbs and contemplating whether to hang myself. I haven't washed or changed clothes in 12 days. I cannot remember what sleep is or when I last ate. I wash down a bottle of ativan with a bottle of vodka.
I wake up in the ICU where they put me back on sertraline and within a week I am back to my normal self. You'd think this would teach them to leave well enough alone, right? Nope.
Next my neurologist wants me to take Keppra instead of Phenobarbital. Now while on phenobarbital I have had ZERO seizures and am not having any side effects. I ask him why and he tells me: "we prefer to try other meds before prescribing phenobarbital". I tell him I've been on it 13 months and it works like a dream. He insists anyway. I tell him the horror story about my anti-depressants. He promises me nothing like that will happen this time.
So I switch to Keppra. I have 5 seizures over the next three days. The fifth seizure I actually had while in the emergency room. It lasted over 6 minutes and they had to put me into a medically induced coma (ironically, with phenobarbital) to make it stop. I broke 4 ribs, fractured my orbital socket, dislocated my shoulder and fractured my spine because it was so violent. The specialist tells me if I had not already been in a hospital when the seizure struck I would have died.
I tell them about how my seizure meds had been changed (pointing out that the med I wanted to be back on was also what they had had to give me anyway, to save me life no less).
They say okay, we'll try you on this new med, Lamotrigine. I may have flipped out a little (can you blame me?). They inform me that "throwing a tantrum" will not change their minds and that they know what is best.
So I'm a good little boy and take the lamotrigine. I've been on it 6 weeks now and have experienced sweating, vomiting, migraines, tachycardia and anxiety and seem to have developed an essential tremor. Last week it got so bad I HAD to stop taking it. I've spent all week in and out of hospitals and doctors offices trying to get a) the Phenobarbital reinstated or b) a new med prescribed. I'M STILL WAITING.
So now I'm left to risk fitting with no medication. I don't have typical epilepsy, this is caused by brain damage and every seizure is status epilepticus so I am at a very high risk of severe hypoxia or death.
Sorry, I'm just so stressed and angry, I had to get that off my chest.
I mean, am I being unreasonable in thinking the way I've been treat is terrible?
Chemically Enhanced, I am terribly sorry to hear this and thank you for sharing. You’re not being unreasonable, I understand your situation completely. Also I can’t imagine why your doc would take you off of an SSRI for a 50s era TCA with numerous negative side effects; I would honestly find a new doctor if you can. I’ve had to switch doctors in the past and I know it’s stressful due to long wait periods, insurance, quantity of doctors in your area etc. Depending on where you live, I’m sure that there are plenty of doctors willing to prescribe you your SSRIs and even possibly Phenobarbital; although Barbiturates aren’t prescribed much anymore, Benzos are becoming increasingly taboo meaning more incentive to reduce Benzo scripts and less negative attention to drugs like Phenobarbital or Butalbital. Though I doubt most docs will write a script for Seconal or Meprobamate for instance.lol I haven’t had much of a problem keeping my Fiorinal script. I take Fiorinal only as needed which is maybe 10x a month and my doctor was saying that she actually has no problem prescribing it to me, compared to other patients seeking Xanax or Temazepam. She said that the after writing scripts like Xanax for more than 6 months, she has to begin weaning her patients off because the feds love to keep track of drugs like Xanax. She dreads doing that because clients usually breakdown and start crying, which is understandable. Also as of January 2019, of her patients want Benzos, the only ones that she’ll prescribe are Klonopin or Valium to treat anxiety which she claimed disappoints a lot of people seeking Xanax. I took Valium as needed from the same doctor from like 2012-2018 and decided to stop. My doc was weary of me going cold turkey on valium and wrote a weaning script, though I never filled it. With cigarettes and a minor drinking problem in college, I think of myself as having an addictive personality, though I had practically no W/D symptoms from Valium besides minor sleep disturbances. Though I know the true reality of Benzo W/D due to working in detox and it’s no joke. So trust me I’m not saying that W/D isn’t real, I’m just saying that I Valium/Klonopin seem to have less recreational value and are used a lot in detox as is Phenobarbital.
There’s a global problem, especially in the U.S./Canada with patients throwing full blame on to their doctors for their addiction. I know that in many cases that is true, however in most cases of Opioid or Benzo addiction; half of the fault is on the patient as well. Sorry but not sorry to those pursuing lawsuits against Doctors and Big Pharm, most of these addictive meds are 50+ years old and are controlled for a reason. I used to love working in a detox facility, I met so many wonderful people from all walks of life and I believe that help should be readily available for those that actually want help. But from what I’ve experienced in the facility and see all too often in the media that really grinds my gears about situations like yours, is the attitude of blaming the world for their mistakes or problems. Doctors are becoming more on edge with prescribing and are sort of damned if they do and damned if they don’t. While many irresponsible doctors are definitely part of the problem depending on the situation, drugs like Opiates/Opioids have been widely abused for hundreds of years and have been controlled by the government for most of their history. So for someone to claim that they believe big pharm propaganda like the infamous 1990s promo for OxyContin not being addictive needs to reevaluate themselves and pick up a book. For the thrill seekers seeking recreational use, idk what to tell you other than to be careful. Oxycodone has been around since the 1900s and the knowledge of it being addictive was nothing new. I understand that many chronic pain patients were put on OxyContin and it treated their pain with flying colors, though I just don’t understand how so many patients don’t research the new medication that they’re about to take on a daily basis for years to come. However I do understand that many already know the risks to begin with, but are in so much pain that they just want to use what works. Same with Benzos, they’ve been sched IV since the early 70s, hence I am sure most people probably know of the risks already. I truly have sympathy for any addiction and think that there should be more help out there for it, i’m just venting about self-righteous dipshits blaming their doctor or trying to sue Big Pharm because the attitude of blaming everyone else but themselves is all too common just McDonalds and obesity. Does Big Pharm want people to get hooked? Of course, they wouldn’t be so wealthy otherwise. Are there crooked doctors? Most definitely there are, for the same reason. Are there valid reasons as to why addiction begins with anything? Totally, it’s hard to realize when addiction is taking over until it’s become a full blown illness. I’m not one to get mad easily and am not judging those struggling with addiction, for I had my own thrill seeking experimental stage when I was 18-19, though I was aware of the risks, repercussions and stupidity of it as well. Luckily I never got arrested or hurt myself, though I did flunk out of Rutgers my freshman year due to the partying and had no one to blame but myself.
If I were a doctor, I wouldn’t want to deprive people of the medication that treats them. For controlled and addictive meds, I’d definitely make my patients sign an official waiver stating that they’re aware of the risks and that I would only continue writing their scripts if they were responsible in taking them as prescribed. Idk I just think it’s a shame that doctors can’t trust their patients and patients have to worry about now relying on their doctors. I hope all is well with you and sorry for the long post, also if my rant offended anyone, sorry but not sorry.
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