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what would u do if your spouse cheated?

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rubenr4g

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Joined
Nov 14, 2011
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my sister is in her early 30s and her husband of 2 years has been cheating on her with high priced escorts. they dated for almost a decade but just recently married. and it gets better shes 2 months pregnant with her 1st child with this guy..im curious what someone would do in this situation because i couldnt take someone back who did this but i think shes considering it.
 
Ultimately her choice but there is no way I would take someone that cheated regularly with escorts back. People can change but I would be willing to bet my savings that he will continue to do it, especially if it's something he has become accustomed to doing regularly.
 
Wow. That's a pretty horrible situation to be in, and what a total dick for doing something like that, especially when she's pregnant with his child. Ugh. As someone who's been cheated on I know how much it hurts, and there's the temptation to still want them and think it will be alright.. but it forever changes the dynamic IMO. That and relationships are built on trust.. unless you agreed it was OK sleeping with other people is just about the worst thing you could do to break the trust really.

The stress can't be good for the baby either. What a total douchebag.
 
It's a terrible situation to be in. I still think she should break up with him but I definitely understand why she's considering staying. I don't think it's the right decision. She needs to get away from this guy, only have him pay child support, and have a supportive group (you, family, friends).
 
Married to a cheater, no divorced from a cheater. Instant deal breaker for me. Get the fuck out were my famous last words :)
 
Depends on the person ..

if if you hold a grudge or anything negative from it for too long you'll become the bad guy and end up making a miserable relationship or yourself miserable or constant fights and distrust ..

soo ,u h baggage but it can be worked threw but it's so hard ..I wouldn't be able to .
 
It is common for a guy to cheat when the woman is pregnant-well not common but seems to be a relative high rate.
Most men are a bit dodgy at some point.

Personally, I say explore the reasons for the cheating. Can it be worked through?
Is he scared about becoming a father?
It does seem really shitty, but there are motivations for everything.
Counseling is always worth a shot.
 
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Dear O.P

Well your sisters pregnant. I'm sure she'd rather her man did NOT go and cheat/spend money on escorts but he is the faTher of the babe and her hormones are screaming at her to 'build the nest'.
Though I would imagine regaining the trust is something most of us can't do after one cheats.
I don't know why many men who do cheat often do so when their lady is pregnant but i've heard this many times. Talk about hurtful timing. Terrible.

Just be a good supportive Uncle to that little baby and of course, your sister. In your shoes, I'd have a hard time looking my bro in law in the eyes without wanting to give a little what for but that's just me. I'm sure you'll be most diplomatic in your dealings with him. I'm sorry for your sister. Only two months along is a fragile state and the last thing she needs is the stress of adultery. What an idiot your bro in law is if you don't mind me saying.

Hopefully, it all works out well
 
I wouldn't automatically say leave - yes he hired an escort but there could be a lot of reasons behind this. The realization that he is about to become a father and have to 'settle down', maybe she had gone off sex (no excuse but a reason).

Lots of variables to take into consideration before you can simply say - 'leave him'. Yes the dynamic of the relationship will be different but its completely possible to build on this and still have a loving and trusting relationship again with the guy.
 
As a product of parents who stayed together for the sake of the child I gotta say its a really bad idea.
 
dopemaster said:
As a product of parents who stayed together for the sake of the child I gotta say its a really bad idea.
Click to expand...

I agree, it either has to be a loving healthy relationship or none at all - staying together simply for the sake of a child/children is pointless and damaging to them in the long run.
 
When I was younger, in shorter (and I guess less meaningful) relationships, cheating was always a deal-breaker and it's something I've never done.

Now, I've been married for about six years and we do discuss this kind of thing, it wouldn't be a deal breaker for myself or my wife. But it would really hurt. The thing we both say about it is this:

If it was 'just sex' - well, I guess you can get over it, if however it is falling in love with someone else and having an ongoing 'affair' - well, first it brings the question of whether the cheater actually wants to stay married, but if they do - then that is certainly a lot more hurtful and a much bigger hurdle to jump.

That said, my wife & I would try and work through anything, I suppose once you're married and really love someone, you accept that the relationship will have some tough times and there will be something (not necessarily sex) along the way the feels like a betrayal.

The issue my wife & I have is this: neither of us are into 'casual sex' - which on one hand is great; neither of us are ever likely to cheat on the other whilst out drunk, or what have you. On the other hand, if one of us *did* cheat, it would probably be fairly serious / emotional - since neither of us are going to cheat just to have sex.

Ultimately, I just really fucking hope that it is never one of the trials of my marriage, because within the context of a relationship/marriage - dealing with a partner emotionally/sexually cheating on you can be one of the toughest things you may ever face.

But the really short answer is the older I've gotten, the more I've come to realise that you can work through just about anything, if you have the mind and heart to want to do so.
 
mostly-human said:
When I was younger, in shorter (and I guess less meaningful) relationships, cheating was always a deal-breaker and it's something I've never done.

Now, I've been married for about six years and we do discuss this kind of thing, it wouldn't be a deal breaker for myself or my wife. But it would really hurt. The thing we both say about it is this:

If it was 'just sex' - well, I guess you can get over it, if however it is falling in love with someone else and having an ongoing 'affair' - well, first it brings the question of whether the cheater actually wants to stay married, but if they do - then that is certainly a lot more hurtful and a much bigger hurdle to jump.

That said, my wife & I would try and work through anything, I suppose once you're married and really love someone, you accept that the relationship will have some tough times and there will be something (not necessarily sex) along the way the feels like a betrayal.

The issue my wife & I have is this: neither of us are into 'casual sex' - which on one hand is great; neither of us are ever likely to cheat on the other whilst out drunk, or what have you. On the other hand, if one of us *did* cheat, it would probably be fairly serious / emotional - since neither of us are going to cheat just to have sex.

Ultimately, I just really fucking hope that it is never one of the trials of my marriage, because within the context of a relationship/marriage - dealing with a partner emotionally/sexually cheating on you can be one of the toughest things you may ever face.

But the really short answer is the older I've gotten, the more I've come to realise that you can work through just about anything, if you have the mind and heart to want to do so.
Click to expand...

This is the type of thing I was covering - I know that I used the term 'just sex' in this section before which some users understandably are not comfortable with or didn't understand the implications behind it. Having a romantic / involved relationship with somebody would (for me) be a bigger deal breaker than just having sex with a random etc.
 
A thing about probabilities and human nature.

A person isn't usually inclined to change until presented with a good reason to do so. If motivations involve dabbling in things they shouldn't do, it is difficult to come to an acceptable alternative, as that obviously doesn't jive with the motivations, "a priori".
When the only leverage is concerning what one does have, it comes down to a question of if salvation (of relationship or otherwise) is worth giving up mischievous habits. The latter probability is also somewhat simplified up front, considering acceptance of potential consequences of cheating.

Cheater go bye bye.
 
Wow! First I would like to say I cannot believe someone would do something so horrible to someone they recently married. I could not continue a relationship with someone whom is cheating on me because I have been cheated on in the past. I think it is horrible that he is cheating on her, especially since they are married and expecting their first child. I would be extremely hurt, feel betrayed, and question just how long it has been going on. IMO, & I am not trying to be rude, but due to the fact he was cheating she might want to get tested for STDs -- especially since she is expecting. Whenever I have been cheated on I have immediately ended the relationship, however realize ending a marriage is not as easy as ending a BF/GF (or BF/BF or GF/GF) relationship... I think perhaps they should spend time apart and go see a relationship or marriage counselor for advice on how to handle this situation. This isn't something you can just end and be done with it, since they are expecting a child. Like I just stayed, they should get some counseling to help assist them with this horrendous dilemma. It would be hard for me to leave someone whom I have been with for over 10yrs and married and pregnant with his child....I would be weighing out my options and the pros/cons of the situation. They could try to work through it, which sometimes work for people, but for others it doesn't because the trust is lost and never repaired or regained. I would have a lot of problems with trust after finding this out, especially while pregnant. I think if they married each other then obviously they loved each other, especially after all the years they were together, which is why I don't understand why he would cheat on her....but they need to decide if they can repair the damage that has been done and consider what is best for the child. All in all it is a difficult situation that shouldn't have happened because if you really love someone then you don't and won't need anyone to take their place. I always say, "I don't have time for liars, cheats, or thieves", but this situation is not one that you can make a quick decision on... If they weren't married and expecting a child I would say for her to end the relationship. Ultimately, what she does is her choice because she is the one who has to live with the consequence of her actions (staying vs leaving). They both have to decide what is important -- repairing the relationship and trust and building a loving home for the child OR ending the relationship and having split custody of their child. They have to live with the consequence of their actions. It's a sad situation and I hope they get the best results possible from the decision they make and I hope that guy stops cheating before his dick falls off from a potential STD. Take care!
 
balea husband cheated on wife not other way around and i found out today she got tested and does have an STD!..it just keeps getting worse but so many things about the guys personality make sense now that this has come up..btw "just sex" seems silly..he slept with close to a dozen different escorts from what i hear..its very obvious he wants random sex with strangers more then a loving relationship
 
The thought of having sex with a pregnant woman is not appealing to me in the least. I can understand his plight.
 
rubenr4g said:
balea husband cheated on wife not other way around and i found out today she got tested and does have an STD!..it just keeps getting worse but so many things about the guys personality make sense now that this has come up..btw "just sex" seems silly..he slept with close to a dozen different escorts from what i hear..its very obvious he wants random sex with strangers more then a loving relationship
Click to expand...

Your post didn't indicate how many times he had cheated (as I said in my first 'could be a lot of reasons'), so when people were taking the time to reply to you they may have thought it was a one off so the 'just sex' angle is not 'really silly' at all. Having 'just sex' with a one off is not the same as having an affair which, for me has deeper implications than a physical desire.

Now that you have explained its several hookers and he is not being safe then that is a different ball game (no pun intended) - he is showing a complete lack of respect for his wife and unborn child.
 
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