Opiate withdrawal for me is just agony. And believe it or not, a year long Kratom addiction was as bad and in some ways worse.
10 years of daily drinking a fifth or more and quit CT with ZERO withdrawal. That was nice.
I've been on Kpins for 5 years, prescribed. 1-3mg/day as needed but usually just 1mg, so not much. BUT, about 2 months ago I decided I didn't need them anymore and stopped taking them. I went to bed and what followed was ABJECT HORROR. At the time I had no idea I was going through Benzo WD. I would almost fall asleep then start hallucinating. Full on weird noises from all over the place. No visuals. I would sort of "fall asleep" but it was more like Locked-In Syndrome where I was aware of my surroundings but couldn't open my eyes or move. I was paralyzed. That's when the close eyed visuals started, but very nebulous, abstract- not vivid. My face was being torn off and I couldn't do anything about it. As my face was being torn off, there was excruciating humming and buzzing all around me. I was trying to scream but it only came out in muffled murmurs. After a few minutes (felt like hours), my partner woke me up. But it was weird to me because I was already "awake". Sorry I can't describe this better.
So yeah, that happened for about a week every night with varying degrees of severity and images. We didn't know what was happening and I came very close to going to the hospital thinking I was having some kind of psychotic break. I spent a few hours online and, Thank God, was able to link it to Benzo WD. I saw my shrink and described it to him so we started tapering down from 1mg. Pathetic, right? Well, after finally getting some sleep on 0.5mg/night, I jumped again...
This time I had, what I can only assume, was a panic attack while I was "locked-in". I was awake and completely aware of my surroundings but my eyes were closed and I was paralyzed. Then it felt like a dozen hands were reaching out and grabbing me while that awesome buzzing was ringing in my ears. My chest was on fire, my breathing was shallow and I felt like I was having a heart attack while tripping balls. My last "image" just before being jolted out of this HELL was of myself experiencing death and the hands were those of paramedics trying to resuscitate me. I screamed as loud as I could while I was "dying" and it must have come out as a faint "help me" because that's what my partner heard before shaking me "awake". I shot straight up in bed, sweating profusely trying to catch my breath. I contemplated calling 911 for 20 minutes. The only reason I didn't call is because I was too traumatized to actually walk over and pick up my phone. Once I calmed down, I took 0.5mg of Kpin and fell asleep like a baby.
I'm absolutely positive I was dying. I was told that I was shaking uncontrollably while asleep during my episode. I think I was having a seizure or something. It gives me nightmares just thinking about it. As in, I will no doubt have a nightmare tonight recalling this event. It was the worst moment in a life of many worst moments. Benzo WD is insidious. Never had any physical or mental issues related to it, possibly because I was on such low doses. But these night time terrors were a living hell.
I'm STILL not off of the kpins. I too scared to jump. I take 0.25mg at night before bed and am almost out of my last script. Let me tell you just how thrilled I am at the thought of not having any more. My shrink is fantastic, but he minimizes by experience and thinks it's best for me to take my last 0.25mg and stay off. I hope he's right. I can't go through that again. It will wreck me.
One of the worst things about all of this is that my experience seems rather unique. I can find info about Benzo WD but NOTHING I've read points to experiences similar to mine. I only made the connection when I read about soldiers dying in their sleep after abrupt discontinuation.
So yeah. Benzo withdrawal is pretty awful. PSA kids- don't do benzos long term.
