what do you do when you feel you had enough.. family problems!

[Jabberwocky]

so, I have been clean over the last 7-8 months (few slips) but recently found out my brain tumor has grown and I am going through another round of chemo; the chemo has kicked my ass thus far and has had me by the balls. over the last 4 weeks I used about 5 times and my sister heard me say something/read something I wrote and told my parents (I live in same apartment building as sister and she comes in my apartment/uses MY computer far too often. anyway, she def. told my mother because I got a big thing tonight that I am going to kill myself, that I need help, to smarten up, etc.

the reality is, this is is the best I've been but yes, I have slipped over the past week. I have also been sick as a dog because this chemo has kicked my ass thus far. I have lost about 6-9lbs in a month because chemo and lost appetite and other things all because the chemo. all this has gotten me down and out which led me to using a FEW TIMES, NOTHING like I once did.. legit NOTHING like I once did DAILY OVER and OVER and OVER! I understand family will never understand that because they had no clue and I was out on my own; nowadays I am living in same building as sister so I feel family is ON TOP OF ME and I am GETTING SICK OF IT! thats just being honest; I am a bit sick of the family being around me 24/7.

I understand its my mother and she does not want to see anything happen because she works in a courthouse and sees how drugs are killing people in the Boston area day by day but I just cant take it anymore; saying I need help, I need this, I keep fucking up, ill be dead, blah blah. OK, I heard it enough. I hear you! BUT, I had ENOUGH ALREADY PLEASE! I can only take so much; I really can only take so much.

I am going through chemo as is it and its making me miserable and now w/ her doing all this shit shes making me more miserable and I cant.

how do you tell your parent - LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! I know they worry; I know they KNOW I fucked up but yet they do not realize what I ONCE WAS compared to what I am now; which is 1000000% better. but, I know it only takes ONE TRY and you could be gone; however, I am starting to lose my mind w/ drugs and family and how they are talking about it. seriously, its getting to the point where I just cant take it anymore. I already have enough in my head w/ the chemo and all the other bullshit that runs through my head but w/ this woman bitching and coming at me at midnight over text about how I am going to die, how I lie, how I do this, that, blah blah. I just cant anymore. It's making me lose my mind for real; for many reasons. so now ill take my xanny to relax because I am losing my mind and hopefully pass out w/ the Seroquel as well and just say goodnight.

I dont know.. the family sometimes puts you in a position where you GO FUCKING NUTS!

 

[Bearlove]

Sorry to hear what your going through and I hope that the chemo gets you on the path to recovery.

The point here is it's often impossible to be able when you chose to have your family 'help' you - it's usually an all or nothing kind of deal. Now ask yourself that will you need their help that comes along with the grief of your slip ups (congratulations on the 7 months off) or your ready to face this thing without them.

If you decide that your ready to do this without them, then it's a case of tough love and tell them exactly what you want and expect from them. Stop your sister using your computer and apartment as she obviously does not respect your privacy and tell your mom to back off as this is the life you have chosen and she can either be part of it (you meet in the middle on the things you disagree about) or not.

FWIW - I was put in that position by family and told them all exactly where they could go, they could be part of 'my' life and they were welcome but it was 'my' life and they had to keep their opinions on certain matters to themselves. They were making my life so much worse by interfering and trying to make me somebody who I simply was not going to be. I think the last contact I had was a solicitor letters that the had raised against me about 15 years ago (so about 20 years or so since I last saw or spoke to them.)

Be sure you know what you want, then tell them directly.

 

[T. Calderone]

It was only a matter of time before she found out, loose lips and all because your family members are worried. When I was your age, I remember mom coming to my house bringing me self-help books and I just wanted her to leave me the hell alone. I was in a bad place with alcoholism and had codependency issues. Not even close compared to your situation though, with cancer, going through chemo and relapsing. I can see both sides of the coin though.

Now that I'm older and a mother myself, I can't imagine what I would do if my son were to be in your situation. No matter what your age, you're always going to be her little boy. Of course she's going to nag you, that's her job. It's what mothers do. I know you think she sounds a bit hysterical and try not to let the conversations get confrontational. Talk with her and assure her the best you can that you're making an effort to get well again. Set boundaries if needed. The h might bring you comfort, but don't let yourself get back into that hole again.

I forgot if you're still on subs or what meds the doctors are giving you? In the beginning of treatment, I had trouble eating my stomach was so fucked. It would take me forever just to eat anything because my mouth was so dry. I found those boost shakes helpful, and bananas, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes with gravy, even saltine crackers with cheese to keep the nausea at bay. Don't forget, loads of water! My hep c doc suggested some mouth rinse with hyprolose (sp?) but I used a little warm water with baking soda for a while. I have lots of tips, pm me if you want to talk!

 

[pillman1224]

wow this is ironic. my dad doesnt know whats going on but mom does. i feel as though im telling my mom too much and with yesterday being my grandmas funeral on the SAME FUCKING DAY it was my 30 days off opiates. im trying to protect my mom from certain info. filtering what i tell her. i just had to explain to her i have been keeping this and hiding this adddiction for years and physically/mentally could not take it anymore and had to say something. she pretends not to hear things like when i had bad PAWS yesterday. and tried to explain it to her. she said her i and my dad will be having a family meeting when i get back to DE tomorrow. her and i havent discussed what to say its actually more about me using weed for sleep and using less benzos. he doesnt want me to smoke weed but. my mom said i might need a little extra help for sleep so RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM i took 4mg kpin and 6oz vodka (didnt sleep a wink). he would rather me do what he does drink myself tp sleep everynight. i would but my stomach cant handle anymore abuse.

im afraid he wont understand as he calls weed dope and found a used screen a few weeks ago. this "family meeting" has to happen now as when he found the screen he threatened to kick me out. (its decriminalized in my state and my mom will not allow him to kick me out as she owns half). thank you for starting this thread BBT i know our situations are opposite but hey that does not mean we cant help eachother.

 

[withlove]

its hard. try to understand where they are coming from.
they are scared and they care about you.

maybe suggest your mother go to al-anon or some support type group, she needs healthy boundaries with you for your sanity and for her own.

also maybe try talking openly with them, the more information i share with my family the less they worry and the better our relationship becomes. you dont need to get into the details of what you are doing, or slips yo had but openly about what you are experiencing in trying to stay sober while dealing with cancer ( im assuming that is what is causing the tumor and the reason for chemo)

 

[Jabberwocky]

Sorry to hear what your going through and I hope that the chemo gets you on the path to recovery.

The point here is it's often impossible to be able when you chose to have your family 'help' you - it's usually an all or nothing kind of deal. Now ask yourself that will you need their help that comes along with the grief of your slip ups (congratulations on the 7 months off) or your ready to face this thing without them.

If you decide that your ready to do this without them, then it's a case of tough love and tell them exactly what you want and expect from them. Stop your sister using your computer and apartment as she obviously does not respect your privacy and tell your mom to back off as this is the life you have chosen and she can either be part of it (you meet in the middle on the things you disagree about) or not.

FWIW - I was put in that position by family and told them all exactly where they could go, they could be part of 'my' life and they were welcome but it was 'my' life and they had to keep their opinions on certain matters to themselves. They were making my life so much worse by interfering and trying to make me somebody who I simply was not going to be. I think the last contact I had was a solicitor letters that the had raised against me about 15 years ago (so about 20 years or so since I last saw or spoke to them.)

Be sure you know what you want, then tell them directly.

I like this one.

my mother, father and myself went out to dinner tonight. I somewhat told them I KNOW what I am doing and its been ME who came a LONG WAY from where I once was; yes, I have fucked up over the past 3 months but shit happens. I do not want to hear daily about it; let me live my life, even tho I am in situation with chemo and whatnot. told them to stop thinking only the negative because I feel "fine" plenty of time throughout this treatment and do not only think the negatives.

pain in the ass explaining both sides but something I have to put myself through.