Weight loss on meth

[Pinkladie]

I'm an 18 year old girl in MO, and this is my 5th time smoking and my first binge. Started Monday night and only got a couple hours during the day tues. and then slept later that night and now it's Wednesday night and I have school yet still pushing off sleep. I did my first couple rounds last summer but it was one or two hits, not enough to really get a hold on me. I did again a couple months ago (8 mo. later) and had swallowed way too much by accident and had an attack driving in the rain, and it made my boyfriend absolutely disgusted by it and it was a god awful comedown and the most guilt I've ever had. I swore never again. Here I am, because the euphoria and awakeness it gave me before the attack overpowered the horror of it. Fuck. Well now I've been continuously smoking quite a lot since Monday night because the initial rush left and I've been trying to keep up with it.
But here's the problem, I can't eat much but forced a little, and I lost weight quick. Probably water weight, but I saw for the first time in years my hip bones start to show. I'm 145lbs (my highest) and I have a decent slim, but curves in the right places, body type. I still wish to be delicate and thin every day of my life even though I should be happy. Just this run actually showed a difference and I couldn't believe it. I used to have anorexia and bulemia when I was 13 and up. I recovered and since then can't get any of this extra weight off so this has me shocked. I don't think I can let go of seeing myself look so good and can sense a dependence on it so I don't gain it back. This could be a really hard way out for me now. I need advice, similar experiences, anything??

 

[AnythingEverything]

Hi there. Im not sure I can offer much but I will share my experience as I can relate very much.

My eating disorders and my meth addiction were very much intertwind, and as you know, eating disorders are one of the hardest things in the world to overcome, you really don't want to go back there.

I suffered from anorexia around your age but was put on some anti depressants that changed my brain chemistry and I lost that anorexia 'control' and started to binge eat (went from less than 40 kilos to maybe 50) and freaked out and then became bulimic. Not sure what those are in pounds sorry but I am 5 foot 8.

I had used drugs for years by this stage but when I found meth it was like all my prayers had been answered and problems solved. It made me not eat or think about food and so I lost weight like no tomorrow and it also helped with my social anxiety. For this reason I have swung from one addiction to another for over 20 years and it is so so complicated. My Bulimia lasted nearly 20 years, i have been free from it for nearly a year now which is amazing, I never thought I could get past it.

I stopped all drugs to have my 5 kids but was severely bulimic and addicted to exercise the whole time. And once I stopped having children, I relapsed, not on meth but other drugs and am now on the suboxone program.


My advice would be to not touch it ever again. How did you overcome your eating disorder? Maybe go back to some of those tools to strengthen yourself and get back to the core issues. The stats on people with eating disoders also struggling with other addictions are quite interesting and it is very common. You'll do anything to escape the disordered eating and thought patters. Heroin, meth, even benzos were easier additctions to give up than ED's . People with eating disoders are SO MUCH at risk to becoming addicted to drugs. It all comes from the same place

Like I said, not sure I can offer much advice but I can definitely relate and its a great thing you are worried about it now before the meth has taken its toll. You have to stop sometime and whenever you do, the weight will go back on and then some. And long term meth use is horrible, completely fries your brain and body. I just wanted to share as I get it, and I've been struggling with this stuff for over 20 years. I am sitting at my happy weight of 54 kilos and the ed stays away as long as im there, next to move on to being happy not dependant on weight.

Good luck with it and well done for recognising the potential (Probable) issue.

 

[Pinkladie]

Thank you for giving your experience. I was forced to recover because of being so young and having been monitored with my guardian and put in two hospitals in patient. I came to overeat after that and it just wouldn't stop because I hated my body but yet I craved food and it's a cycle with ED's, you usually don't have just one because your mind will try anything to be content. I go back and forth from too little or too much. I want to maybe try to smoke sparingly to suppress some appetite and maybe prevent further weight gain, but still eat enough to keep myself healthy as you can be on it. I just like it so much that I know myself and my neediness. I'm using consistently this week and taking the weekend off since I'll be with my boyfriend. I already planned on a couple days next week and see how my body reacts. I'm testing the waters, and I know it's a dance with the devil but I'm just in awe of how fast I shed that weight and how I'm more upbeat and love to talk like I used to before depression got to me. Though I don't feel that rush and clear energy I did at first, it's just an antsy and focused high but takes a lot for that even. I've even thought about when I stop using (I plan to eventually, lord knows I've seen my family go to hell and I won't let it be long term- like I said just seeing how I react) maybe I can really get on board with a good diet and working out to keep it from coming back after I stop for awhile or maybe completely. Who knows

 

[AnythingEverything]

Babes, you are me 20 years ago. I just couldn't speak as candidly about it, so well done for talking.

I don't know how to say what I want to say without sounding like I am lecturing but It worries me so much as there are so many red flags in your post.... and I just SO know where you are at right now, I've been there . I do know the 'it won't happen to me' or 'i will just use and stop when i want' etc trains of thought, oh so well. I am sure you will be able to eat enough, but as for using sparingly, do you truly think you will be able to? Does your boyfriend not know/approve of the drugs?

I do get what you mean you were 'forced to recover.' In a different way, I was forced to recover from drug addiction due to falling pregnant at 21 and then getting married and having 4 more babies. It was a no brainer for me not to use and hurt my babies but once it was just me again, I saw no reason not to hurt myself anymore and fell back into addiction. The eating disorder was there the whole time thoigh so I have never had to actually deal with my issues, they've always been masked. Do you feel like that's the case too? That being forced into it, maybe stuff wasn't aftually dealt with like it would have been if it had been your own motivation?

Some people can, don't get me wrong, but it is SO hard to use 'in moderation' ESPECIALLY if it's tied to something with such a strong hold on your life like an eating disorder . I've been addicted to many drugs in my life and any drug addiction is ridiculously hard to deal with but the eating disorders have been so much harder to kick, for me. You said you either eat too little or too much, the world or extremes common to so many addicts. Are you scared it's going to be the same with meth? For me it is all or nothing, I have NEVER been able to do anything in moderation so total abstinence is the only thing that works for me (and suboxone at the moment.)

I know we all have to learn from experience, I just wish I could go back to my 18 year old self and do things differently. There was nothing anyone could have told me though back then, I totally get it, it was my answer to everything, my love, a miracle, but it ruined my late teens and early 20's. Sure, there were great times and I was thin. But I am thin now and don't use

My drug use masked my emotional and social problems, as well as the eating disorder to some extent, to the point where I had a breakdown a few years ago because of all the built up stuff I had NEVER dealt with. I have NEVER lived without an addiction. I can tell you, it's hell to try and deal with all these issues that were the underlying reason for my addictions/depression/anxiety when you are in your 30s, married with kids and working. My social anxiety is at an all time high, a lot worse than when j was in my teens, drugs have made me unable to socialise without feeling like a freak.

Please be careful. It can take hold so quickly and ao strongly. And it will never cure body image problems, they can only be dealt with through getting to the root of the issue. It might mask it for awhile but i always found I would binge eat coming down and certsinly once I stopped, my metabolism was screwed, though i work hard and don't eat junk so im lucky to be in shape and thin after 5 kids, the drugs have done so much damage. When I was coming down I used to get so depressed about the way I looked. I even punched a mirror one day and cut my hand up because I hated what I saw (and im far from ugly, not to boast, just to put things in context at how warped it was.) I fell into psychosis very quickly after using most days and just having a few days off. It gets to the point you don't want to have days off because the come downs are so horrid.

I am just worried because you sound so much like me and eating disorders or even the disordered thinking patterns that still exist despite not acting out on your illness, plus drugs is such a tangled web. They feed into one another and hold on tight!! Anorexia and bulimia are both addictions and I fear you will substitute food for drugs. It's so easy to do and I totally get it, there seems like there are SO many positives to being thinner, less socially awkward, more energy etc etc. But when you stop, those issues are still there, food becomes the addiction again. I really hope that some of this makes sense. I hate to sound like a downer, I REALLY DO!!!!!, I just know the pain this has caused me and my family for my whole adult life.

I am positive you already know all of this, but that voice of addiction can be so loud and inviting and cunning.

Please be careful and keep posting about how you're going.