I'm an 18 year old girl in MO, and this is my 5th time smoking and my first binge. Started Monday night and only got a couple hours during the day tues. and then slept later that night and now it's Wednesday night and I have school yet still pushing off sleep. I did my first couple rounds last summer but it was one or two hits, not enough to really get a hold on me. I did again a couple months ago (8 mo. later) and had swallowed way too much by accident and had an attack driving in the rain, and it made my boyfriend absolutely disgusted by it and it was a god awful comedown and the most guilt I've ever had. I swore never again. Here I am, because the euphoria and awakeness it gave me before the attack overpowered the horror of it. Fuck. Well now I've been continuously smoking quite a lot since Monday night because the initial rush left and I've been trying to keep up with it.
But here's the problem, I can't eat much but forced a little, and I lost weight quick. Probably water weight, but I saw for the first time in years my hip bones start to show. I'm 145lbs (my highest) and I have a decent slim, but curves in the right places, body type. I still wish to be delicate and thin every day of my life even though I should be happy. Just this run actually showed a difference and I couldn't believe it. I used to have anorexia and bulemia when I was 13 and up. I recovered and since then can't get any of this extra weight off so this has me shocked. I don't think I can let go of seeing myself look so good and can sense a dependence on it so I don't gain it back. This could be a really hard way out for me now. I need advice, similar experiences, anything??
But here's the problem, I can't eat much but forced a little, and I lost weight quick. Probably water weight, but I saw for the first time in years my hip bones start to show. I'm 145lbs (my highest) and I have a decent slim, but curves in the right places, body type. I still wish to be delicate and thin every day of my life even though I should be happy. Just this run actually showed a difference and I couldn't believe it. I used to have anorexia and bulemia when I was 13 and up. I recovered and since then can't get any of this extra weight off so this has me shocked. I don't think I can let go of seeing myself look so good and can sense a dependence on it so I don't gain it back. This could be a really hard way out for me now. I need advice, similar experiences, anything??