Opioids Was taking Fentanyl laced Heroin, now WTF am I taking? Need to Detox Right

[LostInNeedOfHelp]

I am a 38 year old opiate addict. After progressing from Oxycontin to Heroin to IV Heroin over the course of a decade, I used a methadone treatment program to successfully find a proper maintenance dose of 100 mg of Methadone Hydrochloride Oral Solution and then after a few months reduced my dosing 3 mg every two weeks until 5 mg then stopped with no physical side effects. Once I physically felt fine everything was great and remained sober from any opiates for a little over a year. In December 2019 I went on an, in hindsight, ill-advised 3 week vacation to California to see a lifelong friend of mine that moved there from where I still reside, in the Milwaukee, Wisconsin area. I was unaware that while living in California he and his wife became addicted to smoking black tar heroin. I only made it a week and a half before relapsing. I came home to my 50 hour a week job as an engineer and returning to school at night. Now that I have graduated from that program and before I return to school for another, I need to stop using. I am well aware that if I don't I will be in the same position as the previous few years, using every day in order to not be sick so I can maintain my career and education. I never started IV use again but currently am sniffing "Heroin".

Up until this week my plan was to accumulate various medications, take 1-2 weeks vacation from work and detox myself. I have been acquiring alpha-2 adrenergic agonists including Lucemyra and Clonidine, in case I don't have enough Lucemyra, as well as Cyclobenzaprine, Zofran, Alprazolam, Clorazepam, and Gabapentin. I know that sounds excessive and I assure you I am well versed on what is and isn't safe to mix together; I am just scared and want to be prepared for anything. My withdrawals get extremely bad and on most scales designed to measure severity such as SOWQ, OOWS, and the Short Opiate Withdrawal Scale, max out or come close to maxing out the scale. The only exception I know of is COWS, or at least I think so because I am not aware of getting any kind of a fever, but I guess I've never checked.

I tried a Methadone Clinic again but it didn't work, it compounded the issue as they just kept raising my dose until I was at 170 mg and had enough so I discharged myself two months ago. While at the clinic I was still using a gram per day of Heroin undoubtedly cut with street Fentanyl. Regardless, because there was Heroin in what I was using and it remained extremely consistent, I was able to leave the clinic without increasing the daily amount I was doing and able to use before work and feel okay through the work day. I continued using roughly a gram a day.

As I stated previously up until recently I was fine weaning down and detoxing at home. Unfortunately, as was inevitable, the consistent stuff I was using abruptly changed last week. Now, what is available only holds off the withdrawals for maybe four hours. I initially assumed it was simply a short acting variant of Fentanyl, but am now noticing things that make me wonder what it is I am taking; which is terrifying to be honest. Normally opiates lower my androgen hormones but since things changed my facial skin is very excessively oily as if I am producing excess dihydrotestosterone. I could explain this away as possible dehydration because even though it started after the skin, I am also experiencing extreme diarrhea. However, I question how I could be having diarrhea while taking Fentanyl when it should be causing the exact opposite. It also makes me quite fuzzy right behind my eyes like a waking dream. When I tried finding something else I also noticed I couldn't sleep barely at all for days; when I went back I began sleeping again as if what I am taking has some kind of benzodiazepine, tranquilizer, or something of the sort in it.

I apologize, I'm rambling; as I said fuzzy behind the eyes. Anyways, if anyone out there could provide insight into what I might be going through or taking, as well as how get the F**k off I would really appreciate it. I'm trying to be done with this sh*t so I'm not trying to use any other opiates to detox with because it will just postpone the inevitable and I got 1, maybe 2 weeks I can take off work. I made it this long without at work without anyone knowing, can't lose my job now.

Thank you for your time if you read all this.

 

[LostInNeedOfHelp]

Oh and some Adderall in case I'm not quite 100% when I have to be back at work.

 

[negrogesic]

If you are in the US and are using street "heroin", there usually isn't much diacetylmorphine in it, (at least not especially active quantities in ratio to the amount of fentanyl/fent analogs).

You're not going to like this suggestion but I think you may need to reconsider going back on methadone for a while, either that or go through the necessary period of withdrawal jump on buprenorphine.

Then after a period of stability, develop a slow and methodical exit plan. Otherwise you will likely just cycle back, even if you are able to detox quickly. I know because I've been there.

 

[LostInNeedOfHelp]

If you are in the US and are using street "heroin", there usually isn't much diacetylmorphine in it, (at least not especially active quantities in ratio to the amount of fentanyl/fent analogs).

You're not going to like this suggestion but I think you may need to reconsider going back on methadone for a while, either that or go through the necessary period of withdrawal jump on buprenorphine.

Then after a period of stability, develop a slow and methodical exit plan. Otherwise you will likely just cycle back, even if you are able to detox quickly. I know because I've been there.

That's the worst part, as elusive as it has become in the US, I analyzed what I was taking and there were significant enough percentages of diacetylmorphine hydrochloride salts in it. No clue where what I was getting originated beyond the gangs of Chicago. I'm not sure where you're from or your geography knowledge but I live outside Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA. Maybe that's why I'm feeling so off on this new stuff. I just don't get how I can be having these counterintuitive things happening together; like feeling physically okay enough besides being so cloudy and still getting diarrhea like I was detoxing.

I know you're probably right, I just hate the idea of just switching to another opiate. When I'm physically okay I'm good. Cravings and the psychological end of it have never really been the issue for me. I've never been one to convince myself enough time has passed so I could use once or getting some Vicodin for an injury or something wouldn't hurt. I can always rationalize my way out of anything I might feel, psychologically, when I know I'm physically good and using will change that. Well, aside from fear of physical withdrawals anyways, can't shake that. Double edged sword; keeps me clean when I'm physically okay but keeps me using when I'm not.

Thanks for your response, I really appreciate it. I have been sending out emails to local facilities exploring all my options. I just keep kicking myself because when I started the Methadone clinic this last time I had the money and could have went outside the US to a reputable medical Ibogaine facility and would have gladly taken the risk that I'm in the 8/9% of people that'll go into a virtually unstoppable cardiac arrest from Ibogaine, just to be done with this s**t. I convinced myself that Methadone would be cheaper and I could do it quicker than last time so I went that route and completely failed at it. Now I can't afford to go that route and we're year's away from Delix-7 aka DLK-7 clinicals. If you're not familiar it's David E. Olson's creation breaking down ibogaine and removing its hallucinogenic properties and cardiac risks. Who knows if it'll be as effective as Ibogaine root with the trip but if it is could help a lot of people; just not now.

 

[LostInNeedOfHelp]

What's the saying? "If your telling yourself just once or this is the last time, there's no such thing as a last time", or something like that. To me it's simple in the end, no matter what comes before, how much things are snowballing in your head, how sick you are, in the end it's a simple choice I'm going to use or I'm not going to use. I know that sounds sh**ty and oversimplifies many peoples' struggles with addiction and I know it's easier said than done, obviously, but breaking it down like that has worked for me before. I never kidded myself, I knew exactly what would eventually happen if I didn't turn around and walk out of my buddy's house in Cali but I made a choice and here I am.