My gay lover and I have been together for more than 25 years and we have a very stable relationship, however, lately (over the past year), I find myself looking at black men in a more sexual nature than I ever have. Don't get me wrong, I love my partner very much and that will never change, but the one thing I never had the opportunity to do was have sex with a black man and lately I really have this urge to try it. The problem is my partner is not attracted to black men and I don't know how to bridge this conversation with him. We've had many threeways, fourways etc over the years, but never with this ethnicity. When we first met and got together, I was barely 19 years old so there are many things that I never really got to try when I was younger and thats never been a problem, but now the feeling of trying this one thing is getting stronger and stronger. How does one begin this sort of communication knowing that the other has no interest. I will not cheat on him, I would rather be honest and open about it, i'm just now sure how he might handle something like this. I also have this fantasy of playing this out but having him watch and getting so turned on that he joins in. I doubt that would happen but still I guess there's a chance right? The other part of that is trying it with two black guys and being in the middle. I think that would be the ultimate night. Any advise??
Want to try something now but not sure how to approach the subject
- Thread starter tyjens
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Vastness
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Although to be completely honest I don't have any experience close to a 25 year relationship, initially I was gonna say that most likely these kind of urges and fantasies are normal after some time, but for the sake of your existing relationship and your current partner it is probably best to accept that these are just fantasies and not worth ruining what you have.
HOWEVER, I then read your post again and if you have already had many threeways and fourways then you've already crossed that shaky bridge of allowing other people into your sex lives to some extent, so it surely wouldn't be too much of a leap just to be honest about your desires and suggest hey next time we do that why don't we mix it up a bit and try to find some black dudes? You can frame it in a casual way, not like you are gonna dump him and try to find a black partner instead, just that you are curious what it would be like. Maybe try to find out if he has some kind of fantasy which he's not sure you'd be into also? That way you're both potentially getting something out of it and also broadening both your sexual horizons, so to speak.
Otherwise if you think that is too direct, maybe casually bring up the idea of him putting on some blackface as part of a sexual fantasy, so he knows that ethnicity is something you might be into, and then transition from there?
Again, honestly, I have no experience doing what you are asking so I don't know if this advice is helpful or not, but I am just throwing ideas out there.
HOWEVER, I then read your post again and if you have already had many threeways and fourways then you've already crossed that shaky bridge of allowing other people into your sex lives to some extent, so it surely wouldn't be too much of a leap just to be honest about your desires and suggest hey next time we do that why don't we mix it up a bit and try to find some black dudes? You can frame it in a casual way, not like you are gonna dump him and try to find a black partner instead, just that you are curious what it would be like. Maybe try to find out if he has some kind of fantasy which he's not sure you'd be into also? That way you're both potentially getting something out of it and also broadening both your sexual horizons, so to speak.
Otherwise if you think that is too direct, maybe casually bring up the idea of him putting on some blackface as part of a sexual fantasy, so he knows that ethnicity is something you might be into, and then transition from there?
Again, honestly, I have no experience doing what you are asking so I don't know if this advice is helpful or not, but I am just throwing ideas out there.