Heavy polysubstance addict needs help, often getting high over a dozen times a day
I've known for a while that I'm an addict. SWIM is very deep into a polydrug addiction. I'm young, very young. I've smoked weed for 4 years, only in the past 2 years have I smoked multiple times per day. Before 16 months ago I'd only ever tried alcohol several times, nicotine and weed. I never thought I'd try anything else. I thought those were inherently safe and everything else was inherently dangerous. I did my research and realized I was not correct. I tried LSD to cure my social anxiety and for the most part it did. From them until now, I've tried an additional 17 substances (including more mild ones like phenibut and kratom, but not caffeine)
Here is a sample of my drug use I did a couple months back:
***To clear something up, the numbers at the top of each box are dates. They're irrelevant but help organize the days***
3-3
650mg MDMA
LSD 1/8 tab
3 doses kratom
5 bowls cannabis
3-4
LSD 1/8 tab
5 bowls cannabis
3 doses kratom
200mg caffeine
3-5
60mg phenibut
120mg caffeine
3 doses kratom
3 bowls cannabis
3-6
100mg phenibut
60mg caffeine
3 doses kratom
3 bowls cannabis
3-7
4 doses kratom
2 bowls cannabis
3-8
400mg phenibut
120mg caffeine
3 bowls cannabis
3-9
4 bowls cannabis
500mg MDMA
3 doses kratom
3-10
7 bowls cannabis
4 doses kratom
60mg caffeine
60mg phenibut
2.5 beers
3-11
LSD 1/2 tab
8 bowls cannabis
125mg phenibut
5 beers
60mg caffeine
3-12
500mg MDMA
3 beers
4 bowls cannabis
Codeine
3-13
LSD 1/3 tab
Caffeine 180mg
4 bowls cannabis
700mg Kanna
3 doses kratom
3 beers
3-14
1 beer
5 bowls cannabis
3 doses kratom
3-15
LSD 1/6 tab
Phenibut 300mg
Caffeine 60mg
3 doses kratom
2 bowls cannabis
3-16
LSD 1/4 tab
Phenibut 300mg
3 doses kratom
2 bowls cannabis
3-17
Adderall 15mg IR
Adderall 15mg XR
4 bowls cannabis
3 doses kratom
3-18
LSD 2/3 tab
Phenibut 60mg
Caffeine 120mg
5 bowls cannabis
2 doses kratom
3-19
Adderall 25mg
Cannabis 3 bowls
Phenibut 400mg
3 shots vodka
1 doses kratom
3-20
2 bowls cannabis
Adderall 15mg
2 doses kratom
3-21
1 dose kratom
3 bowls marijuana
60mg phenibut
3-22
Adderal 15mg
1 dose kratom
1/6 tab LSD
120mg caffeine
3-23
4 bowls marijuana
1/5th of vodka
2 doses kratom
3-24
Adderall 15mg
5 bowls marijuana
Most of 1/5th vodka
2 doses kratom
3-25
280mg MDMA
1/2 tab LSD
3 doses kratom
7 bowls marijuana
2.5 shots
3-26
3 bowls marijuana
4 doses kratom
3-27
10mg Adderall
5 bowls marijuana
60mg caffeine
3 doses kratom
3-28
1/5th vodka
5 bowls marijuana
4 doses kratom
3-29
1/5th vodka
5 bowls marijuana
500mg phenibut
180mg caffeine
2 doses kratom
I do need to do something though. I don't enjoy it near as much as I used to. Now it feels like a necessity. I will do anything to get my high. I will make excuses to go to the bathroom at work to vape to get my nic fix, I will go into the stalls in the bathrooms to dumb kratom under my tongue and wash it down at the water fountain. I don't want to quit. I have an obsession that I know I will always have with states of the altered mind. I do need to cut back heavily though. I spend about 1/3 of my part-time income on substances (bear in mind I get great prices)
It's gotten to the point where my memory is remarkably shitty. What I did the night before is usually very blurry. I feel that I need to be high every waking moment. The first thing I do is get my nic buzz, then I rarely go a half hour without taking kratom, then before walking out the door I smoke, and I smoke during any break I can find in the day, often in slightly risky situations. I've already started running about 25 minutes in the morning 4 days a week and improved my diet. I do a horrible job occupying myself and it's very difficult to get to anything interesting where I live and I feel like my dopamine synapses have been upregulated to the point that things are far less enjoyable. I have an extremely addictive personality, this goes toward media, people, and of course drugs. Lately I've been largely cutting out the adderall (that was mostly a 2 week binge) and I'm drinking about 3 fifths of alcohol per month, and have been spacing taking MDMA out by 4 to 6 weeks. So this is good progress, but I hinder it by smoking as many as a dozen times a day.
How can I decrease my use. Right now it feels too difficult. I consume all these drugs and only weigh 145lbs. Any ideas?
Thank you.
I've known for a while that I'm an addict. SWIM is very deep into a polydrug addiction. I'm young, very young. I've smoked weed for 4 years, only in the past 2 years have I smoked multiple times per day. Before 16 months ago I'd only ever tried alcohol several times, nicotine and weed. I never thought I'd try anything else. I thought those were inherently safe and everything else was inherently dangerous. I did my research and realized I was not correct. I tried LSD to cure my social anxiety and for the most part it did. From them until now, I've tried an additional 17 substances (including more mild ones like phenibut and kratom, but not caffeine)
Here is a sample of my drug use I did a couple months back:
***To clear something up, the numbers at the top of each box are dates. They're irrelevant but help organize the days***
3-3
650mg MDMA
LSD 1/8 tab
3 doses kratom
5 bowls cannabis
3-4
LSD 1/8 tab
5 bowls cannabis
3 doses kratom
200mg caffeine
3-5
60mg phenibut
120mg caffeine
3 doses kratom
3 bowls cannabis
3-6
100mg phenibut
60mg caffeine
3 doses kratom
3 bowls cannabis
3-7
4 doses kratom
2 bowls cannabis
3-8
400mg phenibut
120mg caffeine
3 bowls cannabis
3-9
4 bowls cannabis
500mg MDMA
3 doses kratom
3-10
7 bowls cannabis
4 doses kratom
60mg caffeine
60mg phenibut
2.5 beers
3-11
LSD 1/2 tab
8 bowls cannabis
125mg phenibut
5 beers
60mg caffeine
3-12
500mg MDMA
3 beers
4 bowls cannabis
Codeine
3-13
LSD 1/3 tab
Caffeine 180mg
4 bowls cannabis
700mg Kanna
3 doses kratom
3 beers
3-14
1 beer
5 bowls cannabis
3 doses kratom
3-15
LSD 1/6 tab
Phenibut 300mg
Caffeine 60mg
3 doses kratom
2 bowls cannabis
3-16
LSD 1/4 tab
Phenibut 300mg
3 doses kratom
2 bowls cannabis
3-17
Adderall 15mg IR
Adderall 15mg XR
4 bowls cannabis
3 doses kratom
3-18
LSD 2/3 tab
Phenibut 60mg
Caffeine 120mg
5 bowls cannabis
2 doses kratom
3-19
Adderall 25mg
Cannabis 3 bowls
Phenibut 400mg
3 shots vodka
1 doses kratom
3-20
2 bowls cannabis
Adderall 15mg
2 doses kratom
3-21
1 dose kratom
3 bowls marijuana
60mg phenibut
3-22
Adderal 15mg
1 dose kratom
1/6 tab LSD
120mg caffeine
3-23
4 bowls marijuana
1/5th of vodka
2 doses kratom
3-24
Adderall 15mg
5 bowls marijuana
Most of 1/5th vodka
2 doses kratom
3-25
280mg MDMA
1/2 tab LSD
3 doses kratom
7 bowls marijuana
2.5 shots
3-26
3 bowls marijuana
4 doses kratom
3-27
10mg Adderall
5 bowls marijuana
60mg caffeine
3 doses kratom
3-28
1/5th vodka
5 bowls marijuana
4 doses kratom
3-29
1/5th vodka
5 bowls marijuana
500mg phenibut
180mg caffeine
2 doses kratom
I do need to do something though. I don't enjoy it near as much as I used to. Now it feels like a necessity. I will do anything to get my high. I will make excuses to go to the bathroom at work to vape to get my nic fix, I will go into the stalls in the bathrooms to dumb kratom under my tongue and wash it down at the water fountain. I don't want to quit. I have an obsession that I know I will always have with states of the altered mind. I do need to cut back heavily though. I spend about 1/3 of my part-time income on substances (bear in mind I get great prices)
It's gotten to the point where my memory is remarkably shitty. What I did the night before is usually very blurry. I feel that I need to be high every waking moment. The first thing I do is get my nic buzz, then I rarely go a half hour without taking kratom, then before walking out the door I smoke, and I smoke during any break I can find in the day, often in slightly risky situations. I've already started running about 25 minutes in the morning 4 days a week and improved my diet. I do a horrible job occupying myself and it's very difficult to get to anything interesting where I live and I feel like my dopamine synapses have been upregulated to the point that things are far less enjoyable. I have an extremely addictive personality, this goes toward media, people, and of course drugs. Lately I've been largely cutting out the adderall (that was mostly a 2 week binge) and I'm drinking about 3 fifths of alcohol per month, and have been spacing taking MDMA out by 4 to 6 weeks. So this is good progress, but I hinder it by smoking as many as a dozen times a day.
How can I decrease my use. Right now it feels too difficult. I consume all these drugs and only weigh 145lbs. Any ideas?
Thank you.
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