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unintentional bonding

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seeingthelight

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 20, 2015
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21
Hi

Do you think that new users are more susceptible to unintentional bonding and therefore more vulnerable.

After having rolled with a guy (a friend of a friend) and spending about 11 hours talking some crap and some pretty deep, meaningful and intuitive conversation with him opening up to me on something we seemed to make a connection. He was pretty persistent on sex but I refused because as I was new to mdma I just thought he was being a typical man trying to get his end away and that maybe it was just the drugs talking and he would regret it tomorrow as I really do not think I am his type. I didn't quite get why I was feeling how I was towards him either, was a strong pull but it scared/confused me.

I have not seem him since and we parted ways with a deep passionate kiss which I have not been able to get out of my mind since! This was months ago!
 
Go with the flow more? You took a drug that opens you up remarkably, and you were scared when you felt that? Thats what the drug does. You felt LOVE.
 
I think any time you have a really good night with someone that involves strong feelings (whether chemically induced or not) and a great kiss, it's going to stick with you. I'd consider this more a lack of closure than MDMA induced bonding.

It's completely legit to feel a pull towards someone (again, whether chemically induced or not) and opt to not have sex with them at that time. Most of the time, I personally find the talky talks and the hugs and the connection you get on MDMA way better than trying to have munted sex with a new partner, so I think you made the right call.

Do you have his contact details? Why don't you get in touch and ask him if he wants to do it again?
 
Possibly. I think I was scared because the feelings were so intense and as stated, it was my first time so didn't know what I was feeling. We are both in relationships and I can't even remember the last time I felt like that. I didn't put it down to love at the time and I just thought he wanted to fu*K me and then regret it in the morning lol!
 
SixBuckets said:
I think any time you have a really good night with someone that involves strong feelings (whether chemically induced or not) and a great kiss, it's going to stick with you. I'd consider this more a lack of closure than MDMA induced bonding.

It's completely legit to feel a pull towards someone (again, whether chemically induced or not) and opt to not have sex with them at that time. Most of the time, I personally find the talky talks and the hugs and the connection you get on MDMA way better than trying to have munted sex with a new partner, so I think you made the right call.

Do you have his contact details? Why don't you get in touch and ask him if he wants to do it again?
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Thanks. Thought I may be being to girly about it. Doubtful as a man it sticks with him as he didn't get what he wanted lol!

You are right, may well be lack of closure. I would love to do it with him again but we are both in relationships and it may be harder to resist if there was a next time and I have no contact details for him.

Would be nice if he has the good memories I have though.
 
Don't worry about it. What you experienced is not uncommon, and it seems like you handled it responsibly.
 
This is just my own personal opinion, but I've found that most "bonding" while you're intoxicated on any substance, whether it be MDMA or alcohol or whatever, is pretty much bullshit. I mean, it's not bullshit in that the feelings you feel are real in that moment, you're experiencing those thoughts and feelings in reality, but they generally don't persist. Especially if the foundations of the interpersonal relationship involve drug usage.

I've had some very powerful emotional moments with other people that have involved drugs, but looking back on it they were all superfluous, except perhaps some of the ones involving people I knew before I started using.
 
To answer your question, yes. Lol.

It can def. be a scary thing. I rolled with a really good friend and he wanted to have sex. I said no and the next morning he was like, I'm so glad we didn't because it would have been so awkward. Riiiiiight?!?! Lol.

Don't have any regrets. <3
 
seeingthelight said:
Thanks. Thought I may be being to girly about it. Doubtful as a man it sticks with him as he didn't get what he wanted lol!

You are right, may well be lack of closure. I would love to do it with him again but we are both in relationships and it may be harder to resist if there was a next time and I have no contact details for him.

Would be nice if he has the good memories I have though.
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Met a girl a while back while both rolling. Ended up kissing her and going back to her place. Didn't lead to sex, just talking and cuddling, though I was really in the mood. Didn't think twice about that (if someone is mad or ignores you because he didn't get laid, he's not someone you want to be with) and now, about a month and a half later, I just woke up next to her :) so definitely, bonds made while rolling can be as real as when sober, it depends on the person rolling. I don't really feel anything fake while rolling, my feelings already there are just hugely amplified. If you're already in a relationship though, that's another case
 
pretty sure he just wanted to fuck... men are pigs! (I'm a man)

If he was single and stayed in contact it'd be a different story though
 
Thanks Clocktower. Glad to hear it is not uncommon. Is it something that happens every time? Just wondered with it being my first time
 
Burnt Offerings said:
This is just my own personal opinion, but I've found that most "bonding" while you're intoxicated on any substance, whether it be MDMA or alcohol or whatever, is pretty much bullshit. I mean, it's not bullshit in that the feelings you feel are real in that moment, you're experiencing those thoughts and feelings in reality, but they generally don't persist. Especially if the foundations of the interpersonal relationship involve drug usage.

I've had some very powerful emotional moments with other people that have involved drugs, but looking back on it they were all superfluous, except perhaps some of the ones involving people I knew before I started using.
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Yeah, I get you. All seems like a dream really. Good experience though
 
Pretty_Diamonds said:
To answer your question, yes. Lol.

It can def. be a scary thing. I rolled with a really good friend and he wanted to have sex. I said no and the next morning he was like, I'm so glad we didn't because it would have been so awkward. Riiiiiight?!?! Lol.

Don't have any regrets. <3
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Yeah, I actually think both of us would have regretted it next morning. I still have a soft spot for him though lol
 
^ there's a reason it's called the "love drug" / "hug drug".

The effect is diminished the more frequently the drug is used.

It gives an overwhelming sense of empathy, which is indeed real at the time. However there are more experienced men willing to use it to take advantage of this effect on MDMA-naïve females. If the guy genuinely felt as strong of a connection afterward, he would likely have at least kept in touch, or pursued some sort of relationship.

Ultimately, it was just an experience you shared together, FWIW, nothing more or less. Y'all were high.
 
BlueBull said:
Met a girl a while back while both rolling. Ended up kissing her and going back to her place. Didn't lead to sex, just talking and cuddling, though I was really in the mood. Didn't think twice about that (if someone is mad or ignores you because he didn't get laid, he's not someone you want to be with) and now, about a month and a half later, I just woke up next to her :) so definitely, bonds made while rolling can be as real as when sober, it depends on the person rolling. I don't really feel anything fake while rolling, my feelings already there are just hugely amplified. If you're already in a relationship though, that's another case
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That's a sweet story. I don't think my feelings were fake at the time either. If his were or not I don't know. He may think I wasn't into him because I didn't sleep with him but I just had to control my feelings.

All quite weird but I enjoyed the experience.
 
severely etarded said:
^ there's a reason it's called the "love drug" / "hug drug".

The effect is diminished the more frequently the drug is used.

It gives an overwhelming sense of empathy, which is indeed real at the time. However there are more experienced men willing to use it to take advantage of this effect on MDMA-naïve females. If the guy genuinely felt as strong of a connection afterward, he would likely have at least kept in touch, or pursued some sort of relationship.

Ultimately, it was just an experience you shared together, FWIW, nothing more or less. Y'all were high.
Click to expand...

Yes, I do wonder if that was the whole reason for it was to have sex but it didn't quite work out as he planned.
 
Question : Does "that" feeling happen with everyone you roll with or is it just certain people that bring it out in you?
 
I felt connected to everyone I was with when my tolerance is low. That's really the beauty of the drug.. hang out sober and see if you feel the same way still ;)
 
seeingthelight said:
Question : Does "that" feeling happen with everyone you roll with or is it just certain people that bring it out in you?
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For me, almost nobody I roll with actually, it happened before but it is pretty rare and so far always meant there was something special about that person, something I would have noticed when sober too
 
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