Maybe I should be a happy little slave....NO fuck that I just cant.
some of us have things that just make life seem unbearable. Mine? Working just to be miserable. I'm naturally pessimistic which doesn't help. But am I really pessimistic or just resigned to the truth? I started life in juvenile prison and then homelessness...bad enough? Nope got type1 diabetes shortly after. And well where I'm from they dont give a fuck, no assistance.
I know I've been passively suicidal for at least 10 years with episodes of actively becoming suicidal. Just this January after I self destructed and lost everything...I would have bled out if I wouldn't have gone into hypothermia. I cut deep into my wrists from the side. I kept cutting and squeezing and wiping the clots away...I would have bled out if it wasn't for the cold. The meth wore off just at that time... i wasn't suicidal because of drug use though....what gets me is this...I can not get a job worth having. When I did get clean and someone did for me like family I never had I was working even became general manager at my shit job Arby's. But working 28 days straight on low salary and not being able to hire people because bs corporate wants to underpay everyone left. I had 8 different jobs over the next 9 months. Didnt get fired from a single one. Nope I would get hired realize the job or my boss or both were shit. Ok we're in city area and you want to pay me $12 an hour and expect me to fucking work my mf ass off? I'll pass, got me fucked up. Maybe it's just me. I'm not down with this slavery bs. Wtf do I get out of this life? I dont watch tv, sports, anything tube I dont do, I dont play sports. Sex is good. Except that was the first thing diabetes took. I call myself a nympho with a broken dick. So I found cialis recently...cool. nympho? Not even interested in regular sex that just doesn't last long enough for me...meth? Nothing like some good ole dope dick even though I took 2 20mg cialis and my diet is good now days....
Idk just felt like ranting too. I currently have 2 felonies hanging over my head from back in December/January in another state. I dont plan on being there. My friend has me put up in a monthly. God bless her. The idea was I would get a job and lay low. But I just cant bring myself to be happy working for $10 in 2023. No fucking way. But I can only apply for jobs you wouldn't let your kid do.
Obstacles
Suspended DL - 10k owed non driving offenses
T1D
Lack of work history
Felony offender
Wanted?
No vehicle
I'm thinking a huge shot of meth, a hot bath, and a exacto knife. The little bastards ain't strong but they are definitely sharp.
I just cant imagine a good reason to scrape by and eventually go to county jail for a few years. Yea county. To have my health further decline from being fed bs I cannot eat....just to come back to this shit or the streets again. I'm ready. I've been ready. I would honestly prefer some fent
Like alot but I dont have. Dealer for anything as I've returned to this town after 5 years...
Its going to happen. And soon. For as much as this friend wants to save me,she knows she cant. Unless she could remove my collar of slavery...
I don't mind working but you get what you pay for and they always demand more than they paid for
some of us have things that just make life seem unbearable. Mine? Working just to be miserable. I'm naturally pessimistic which doesn't help. But am I really pessimistic or just resigned to the truth? I started life in juvenile prison and then homelessness...bad enough? Nope got type1 diabetes shortly after. And well where I'm from they dont give a fuck, no assistance.
I know I've been passively suicidal for at least 10 years with episodes of actively becoming suicidal. Just this January after I self destructed and lost everything...I would have bled out if I wouldn't have gone into hypothermia. I cut deep into my wrists from the side. I kept cutting and squeezing and wiping the clots away...I would have bled out if it wasn't for the cold. The meth wore off just at that time... i wasn't suicidal because of drug use though....what gets me is this...I can not get a job worth having. When I did get clean and someone did for me like family I never had I was working even became general manager at my shit job Arby's. But working 28 days straight on low salary and not being able to hire people because bs corporate wants to underpay everyone left. I had 8 different jobs over the next 9 months. Didnt get fired from a single one. Nope I would get hired realize the job or my boss or both were shit. Ok we're in city area and you want to pay me $12 an hour and expect me to fucking work my mf ass off? I'll pass, got me fucked up. Maybe it's just me. I'm not down with this slavery bs. Wtf do I get out of this life? I dont watch tv, sports, anything tube I dont do, I dont play sports. Sex is good. Except that was the first thing diabetes took. I call myself a nympho with a broken dick. So I found cialis recently...cool. nympho? Not even interested in regular sex that just doesn't last long enough for me...meth? Nothing like some good ole dope dick even though I took 2 20mg cialis and my diet is good now days....
Idk just felt like ranting too. I currently have 2 felonies hanging over my head from back in December/January in another state. I dont plan on being there. My friend has me put up in a monthly. God bless her. The idea was I would get a job and lay low. But I just cant bring myself to be happy working for $10 in 2023. No fucking way. But I can only apply for jobs you wouldn't let your kid do.
Obstacles
Suspended DL - 10k owed non driving offenses
T1D
Lack of work history
Felony offender
Wanted?
No vehicle
I'm thinking a huge shot of meth, a hot bath, and a exacto knife. The little bastards ain't strong but they are definitely sharp.
I just cant imagine a good reason to scrape by and eventually go to county jail for a few years. Yea county. To have my health further decline from being fed bs I cannot eat....just to come back to this shit or the streets again. I'm ready. I've been ready. I would honestly prefer some fent
Like alot but I dont have. Dealer for anything as I've returned to this town after 5 years...
Its going to happen. And soon. For as much as this friend wants to save me,she knows she cant. Unless she could remove my collar of slavery...
I don't mind working but you get what you pay for and they always demand more than they paid for