Unhappy SLAVE

[Sweets42]

Maybe I should be a happy little slave....NO fuck that I just cant.
some of us have things that just make life seem unbearable. Mine? Working just to be miserable. I'm naturally pessimistic which doesn't help. But am I really pessimistic or just resigned to the truth? I started life in juvenile prison and then homelessness...bad enough? Nope got type1 diabetes shortly after. And well where I'm from they dont give a fuck, no assistance.
I know I've been passively suicidal for at least 10 years with episodes of actively becoming suicidal. Just this January after I self destructed and lost everything...I would have bled out if I wouldn't have gone into hypothermia. I cut deep into my wrists from the side. I kept cutting and squeezing and wiping the clots away...I would have bled out if it wasn't for the cold. The meth wore off just at that time... i wasn't suicidal because of drug use though....what gets me is this...I can not get a job worth having. When I did get clean and someone did for me like family I never had I was working even became general manager at my shit job Arby's. But working 28 days straight on low salary and not being able to hire people because bs corporate wants to underpay everyone left. I had 8 different jobs over the next 9 months. Didnt get fired from a single one. Nope I would get hired realize the job or my boss or both were shit. Ok we're in city area and you want to pay me $12 an hour and expect me to fucking work my mf ass off? I'll pass, got me fucked up. Maybe it's just me. I'm not down with this slavery bs. Wtf do I get out of this life? I dont watch tv, sports, anything tube I dont do, I dont play sports. Sex is good. Except that was the first thing diabetes took. I call myself a nympho with a broken dick. So I found cialis recently...cool. nympho? Not even interested in regular sex that just doesn't last long enough for me...meth? Nothing like some good ole dope dick even though I took 2 20mg cialis and my diet is good now days....

Idk just felt like ranting too. I currently have 2 felonies hanging over my head from back in December/January in another state. I dont plan on being there. My friend has me put up in a monthly. God bless her. The idea was I would get a job and lay low. But I just cant bring myself to be happy working for $10 in 2023. No fucking way. But I can only apply for jobs you wouldn't let your kid do.


Obstacles
Suspended DL - 10k owed non driving offenses
T1D
Lack of work history
Felony offender
Wanted?
No vehicle

I'm thinking a huge shot of meth, a hot bath, and a exacto knife. The little bastards ain't strong but they are definitely sharp.

I just cant imagine a good reason to scrape by and eventually go to county jail for a few years. Yea county. To have my health further decline from being fed bs I cannot eat....just to come back to this shit or the streets again. I'm ready. I've been ready. I would honestly prefer some fent
Like alot but I dont have. Dealer for anything as I've returned to this town after 5 years...
Its going to happen. And soon. For as much as this friend wants to save me,she knows she cant. Unless she could remove my collar of slavery...
I don't mind working but you get what you pay for and they always demand more than they paid for

 

[gypsiejunkie]

dude I'm sorry you feel this way. I can relate. I spent from 11 years old to 29 years old suicidal. I actively fucked up my life during that time and now I can't get a job worth having myself. I am not suicidal anymore (most of the time) but the only thing I can say is sometimes you have to get real close to death before you realize you have reasons to live. idk i overdosed on blood pressure meds in 2018 but it was so stupid. I mean I literally swallowed the pills and was like, "ope, time to go to the hospital" haha

but then in 2019 I spiraled really badly into my addiction and I had lost my kids for about 2.5 years. I couldn't live with myself and I was very lost. it took me putting a gun to my head and trying to od on meth a million times to realize I just don't have it in me so I had to figure something else out.

just know this, the future is very open and you just never know what is going to happen. it's def worth finding out but maybe it's time to make some changes?? is there anything you can do health wise?? how do you feel about sobriety?? I don't really think sobriety is the key to fix everything but if you are suicidal it might help. idk but also medication?? I hope you get to feeling better and have a great day...

my best friend commit suicide and it almost killed me fr I was so fucked up over it for 2 years and I wouldn't wish that shit on anyone so if anything don't do it for your friend.

 

[Jnowhere]

I am going to give you an answer you probably don't want to hear. This life sucks. And Jesus Christ is the only answer. There is wide path which most people are on and leads to hell. Then there is the narrow path that leads to eternal life. That path is true repentance of one's sins( yes all Christians sin at least once in a while, or in my case, I really am working on that.) Jesus Christ is the one and only son of ALMIGHTY GOD who came to the Earth and eventually died on the cross for man's sins. An unblemished sacrifice for God's wrath. This is where faith comes into play. Your circumstances may suck, but look at sub Sahara Africa or North Korea. I could go on all day. Get a Bible and read the gospels( the first four books of the New Testament. Four accounts of Jesus by four different men. Each has its own perspective. Repent and accept that Jesus was the son of God and died on the cross as a sacrifice to God the Father to appease his wrath for sin. Jesus is the only one who can save you from an eternity in Hell which is where all nobelievers( accept kids who don't reach the age of accountability and retards) are going. Jesus does save. But get a Bible(not the Catholic one) read the gospels repent and accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior. This life is short and miserable, but eternity is forever and there is r no escape or rest for the wicked read John 3: 16-21


.

 

[Sweets42]

Btw I'm not looking for answers even though all replies are welcome.
As far as God goes I know. He knows. I'm ready. Been ready. I acknowledge I'm a sinner.

As far as changing things...sobriety isn't a good thing for me. I need weed everyday which I havent had any in forever. I'm bipolar and will not take medication. Been off that crap 20 years now. I'm not a everyday meth user. I like it for sex. I dont do sober sex. I'm not even interested in 5-10 minutes. Not one bit. And you dont wanna see me without getting off.
unless something falls out the sky real soon I think I'll take a hot bath high as hell to get my blood pumping extra good and dig on in. I feel bad for my friend but I don't. She helped me alot few years ago and we could of grown closer and went another direction but she/we made our choices....

 

[Eligiu]

I am going to give you an answer you probably don't want to hear. This life sucks. And Jesus Christ is the only answer. There is wide path which most people are on and leads to hell. Then there is the narrow path that leads to eternal life. That path is true repentance of one's sins( yes all Christians sin at least once in a while, or in my case, I really am working on that.) Jesus Christ is the one and only son of ALMIGHTY GOD who came to the Earth and eventually died on the cross for man's sins. An unblemished sacrifice for God's wrath. This is where faith comes into play. Your circumstances may suck, but look at sub Sahara Africa or North Korea. I could go on all day. Get a Bible and read the gospels( the first four books of the New Testament. Four accounts of Jesus by four different men. Each has its own perspective. Repent and accept that Jesus was the son of God and died on the cross as a sacrifice to God the Father to appease his wrath for sin. Jesus is the only one who can save you from an eternity in Hell which is where all nobelievers( accept kids who don't reach the age of accountability and retards) are going. Jesus does save. But get a Bible(not the Catholic one) read the gospels repent and accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior. This life is short and miserable, but eternity is forever and there is r no escape or rest for the wicked read John 3: 16-21


.

Please don't tell suicidal people that they should get over it because 'things are worse somewhere else.'

Something being worse (in your opinion) in another part of the world, does not discount someone else's suffering where they live. Their circumstances may actually be worse, than many people's in the areas you listed. Tbh, the way we are living in consumerist society is going to kill the planet, so it's actually not a bad thing to scale shit back and live in tune with nature. Maybe that's how humans survived this long without going extinct.. Point being, hearing that someone grew up in juvenile detention and then was homeless should have been the information you needed to extrapolate that their childhood was *probably* shit tier to mid, if that, but you decided to tell them to get over it because someone someone else they'll never meet MIGHT have it worse.

@Sweets42 i hope you are doing okay. A lot of people I've mentored who grew up In foster care (because of my own childhood and homelessness, I am like a peer mentor for some teenagers at any time, some of whom have the same lived experience of juvenile detention and homelessness) have gone on to lead decent lives where they find happiness. Unfortunately, many have not. I'm not going to sugar-coat this situation, juvenile detention and homelessness is a shit hand.

Please keep posting here, if you find it helps and reach out if you need.

 

[-=SS=-]

As far as God goes I know. He knows. I'm ready. Been ready. I acknowledge I'm a sinner.

Sometimes I'm so sure. Then there's days like today I ruminate and wrestle with it all, why some people seemingly fail upwards and the righteous fall straight through the cracks. But the one thing I am certain of is that there is no sin, only ignorance of things we aren't privy to. Maybe it has to be that way, I don't know. But if there should be such a thing as sin then by all means sin, because that a universe with that sort of God isn't worth a dime or an ounce of your submission anyway. I don't think it's that way round though, thankfully - how can a person possibly be culpable for an environment he didn't design, for forces external and internal he doesn't understand, and for the shitty cards he may be dealt.

Who is the sinner. You, or the multitudes of other humans without a clue who contributed to the environment you fell into at birth?

Sorry to hear of your plight. This world is rough.

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

And Jesus Christ is the only answer. There is wide path which most people are on and leads to hell.

Jesus is the only one who can save you from an eternity in Hell which is where all nobelievers( accept kids who don't reach the age of accountability and retards) are going.

Absolute bollocks and indicative of all that is fucked about humanity - you speak with great authority, lmfao

Jesus was cool - but this God you speak of is clearly a tyrant. Or 'he ' would be if he existed, which he doesn't. An eternity in hell, ok.

There are many paths, not just 'yours'.

 

[Jnowhere]

It isn't some path I created, but you will find out

 

[broncoseamonkey]

I am unemployed after quitting shoveling animal dung primarily as the main dooty of a farm sanctuary feel like shit I let the poor woman down running it but I binged still not sure how to tell her what happened she knows about my problems i told her but this is like dude how low can you go type of life circumstances

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

I am unemployed after quitting shoveling animal dung primarily as the main dooty of a farm sanctuary feel like shit I let the poor woman down running it but I binged still not sure how to tell her what happened she knows about my problems i told her but this is like dude how low can you go type of life circumstances

Try not too beat yourself up too much

What's done is done. Best thing we can do is try to learn from it then move on

 

[elgoucho9]

Maybe I should be a happy little slave....NO fuck that I just cant.
some of us have things that just make life seem unbearable. Mine? Working just to be miserable. I'm naturally pessimistic which doesn't help. But am I really pessimistic or just resigned to the truth? I started life in juvenile prison and then homelessness...bad enough? Nope got type1 diabetes shortly after. And well where I'm from they dont give a fuck, no assistance.
I know I've been passively suicidal for at least 10 years with episodes of actively becoming suicidal. Just this January after I self destructed and lost everything...I would have bled out if I wouldn't have gone into hypothermia. I cut deep into my wrists from the side. I kept cutting and squeezing and wiping the clots away...I would have bled out if it wasn't for the cold. The meth wore off just at that time... i wasn't suicidal because of drug use though....what gets me is this...I can not get a job worth having. When I did get clean and someone did for me like family I never had I was working even became general manager at my shit job Arby's. But working 28 days straight on low salary and not being able to hire people because bs corporate wants to underpay everyone left. I had 8 different jobs over the next 9 months. Didnt get fired from a single one. Nope I would get hired realize the job or my boss or both were shit. Ok we're in city area and you want to pay me $12 an hour and expect me to fucking work my mf ass off? I'll pass, got me fucked up. Maybe it's just me. I'm not down with this slavery bs. Wtf do I get out of this life? I dont watch tv, sports, anything tube I dont do, I dont play sports. Sex is good. Except that was the first thing diabetes took. I call myself a nympho with a broken dick. So I found cialis recently...cool. nympho? Not even interested in regular sex that just doesn't last long enough for me...meth? Nothing like some good ole dope dick even though I took 2 20mg cialis and my diet is good now days....

Idk just felt like ranting too. I currently have 2 felonies hanging over my head from back in December/January in another state. I dont plan on being there. My friend has me put up in a monthly. God bless her. The idea was I would get a job and lay low. But I just cant bring myself to be happy working for $10 in 2023. No fucking way. But I can only apply for jobs you wouldn't let your kid do.


Obstacles
Suspended DL - 10k owed non driving offenses
T1D
Lack of work history
Felony offender
Wanted?
No vehicle

I'm thinking a huge shot of meth, a hot bath, and a exacto knife. The little bastards ain't strong but they are definitely sharp.

I just cant imagine a good reason to scrape by and eventually go to county jail for a few years. Yea county. To have my health further decline from being fed bs I cannot eat....just to come back to this shit or the streets again. I'm ready. I've been ready. I would honestly prefer some fent
Like alot but I dont have. Dealer for anything as I've returned to this town after 5 years...
Its going to happen. And soon. For as much as this friend wants to save me,she knows she cant. Unless she could remove my collar of slavery...
I don't mind working but you get what you pay for and they always demand more than they paid for

First and foremost Meth certainly isn't helping your pessamism or type 1 diabetes.

Secondly, the old saying 'life is what you make of it', never rang more true than here. Find small things to seek gratitude in. You said you were homeless before. Now you have a roof over your head. You found out you are T1D, lucky that you found out and got diagnosed. Now you know what's wrong don't ignore it by taking a load of drugs that will make it worse and potentially cause other conditions to stem from it.

Yeah the jail part does suck. Equally you can use that to help yourself get clean, and improve your health/fitness.

I know it is not easy to deal with the things life throws at you sometimes. I'm clean atm and certainly wasn't seeing the world this way during my last relapse, but it is in our very nature to struggle and never give up. You have to try and see a silver lining in everything no matter how bad it is, in order to keep you going and be grateful your here.

I really do hope things get better man and if you need to chat or even just vent feel free to shoot me a PM. We have some similar circumstances and believe me i understand how much life can suck at times. You just have to keep your chin up and soldier on. There is always the possibility of better days to come, but you have to grind it out to get there.

 

[deficiT]

It's never too late to turn things around. You just might need some help at times. That's fine. I spent years of my life suicidal, and my attempts just got more direct and closer together the further along in life I went and the more traumatic experiences I went through. We all have trauma we go through, and it can be crippling.

My suggestion would be to check into a hospital dude if you're still feeling this way. Believe me it's not fun, but there are resources there that can be life changing. It took me several times over many years before my will to live started to appear, in fits and spurts. And maybe you don't need to be 100% sober from everything, but if you're an addict like I am, or have bipolar like I do, any length of sobriety can be the disruption in your life that you need to realize what life is worth and start working towards a better future.

Personally, I've lost the closest people in my life to alcohol and drugs, and it fucked me up. I spent the last year in a blackout, covering up all my feelings. It got to the point where I had given up hope and was again, ready to end it. Luckily I reached out at this point and checked into detox, and my life isn't all of a sudden great, but it's livable and bearable, and I feel I'm working towards something better.

I wish the best for you, and if you should ever need to talk, feel free to message me

 

[Jnowhere]

deficiT: That advice and what you wrote to, unhappy slave aka Sweets42, was probably the best serious post that I have read on here.

 

[deficiT]

deficiT: That advice and what you wrote to, unhappy slave aka Sweets42, was probably the best serious post that I have read on here.

Thanks I appreciate that Hopefully some positivity resonates, it's easy to get discouraged out here and patterns do eventually emerge.

 

[Juicewrldfan]

It isn't some path I created, but you will find out

I believe in Christ but maybe this isn’t the appropriate time or place to be pushing beliefs? It can be a sword instead of what you intend it and that’s how it’s being seen right now.

 

[Juicewrldfan]

Maybe I should be a happy little slave....NO fuck that I just cant.
some of us have things that just make life seem unbearable. Mine? Working just to be miserable. I'm naturally pessimistic which doesn't help. But am I really pessimistic or just resigned to the truth? I started life in juvenile prison and then homelessness...bad enough? Nope got type1 diabetes shortly after. And well where I'm from they dont give a fuck, no assistance.
I know I've been passively suicidal for at least 10 years with episodes of actively becoming suicidal. Just this January after I self destructed and lost everything...I would have bled out if I wouldn't have gone into hypothermia. I cut deep into my wrists from the side. I kept cutting and squeezing and wiping the clots away...I would have bled out if it wasn't for the cold. The meth wore off just at that time... i wasn't suicidal because of drug use though....what gets me is this...I can not get a job worth having. When I did get clean and someone did for me like family I never had I was working even became general manager at my shit job Arby's. But working 28 days straight on low salary and not being able to hire people because bs corporate wants to underpay everyone left. I had 8 different jobs over the next 9 months. Didnt get fired from a single one. Nope I would get hired realize the job or my boss or both were shit. Ok we're in city area and you want to pay me $12 an hour and expect me to fucking work my mf ass off? I'll pass, got me fucked up. Maybe it's just me. I'm not down with this slavery bs. Wtf do I get out of this life? I dont watch tv, sports, anything tube I dont do, I dont play sports. Sex is good. Except that was the first thing diabetes took. I call myself a nympho with a broken dick. So I found cialis recently...cool. nympho? Not even interested in regular sex that just doesn't last long enough for me...meth? Nothing like some good ole dope dick even though I took 2 20mg cialis and my diet is good now days....

Idk just felt like ranting too. I currently have 2 felonies hanging over my head from back in December/January in another state. I dont plan on being there. My friend has me put up in a monthly. God bless her. The idea was I would get a job and lay low. But I just cant bring myself to be happy working for $10 in 2023. No fucking way. But I can only apply for jobs you wouldn't let your kid do.


Obstacles
Suspended DL - 10k owed non driving offenses
T1D
Lack of work history
Felony offender
Wanted?
No vehicle

I'm thinking a huge shot of meth, a hot bath, and a exacto knife. The little bastards ain't strong but they are definitely sharp.

I just cant imagine a good reason to scrape by and eventually go to county jail for a few years. Yea county. To have my health further decline from being fed bs I cannot eat....just to come back to this shit or the streets again. I'm ready. I've been ready. I would honestly prefer some fent
Like alot but I dont have. Dealer for anything as I've returned to this town after 5 years...
Its going to happen. And soon. For as much as this friend wants to save me,she knows she cant. Unless she could remove my collar of slavery...
I don't mind working but you get what you pay for and they always demand more than they paid for

This is a bad situation with no good short term solutions I’ll admit.

Honestly, what I’d be doing is running until I get tired of it (and it sounds like you are) then getting medically detoxed (they won’t tell the law where you are), then I’d turn myself in. I know it sucks really bad beyond bad, but man, you’re not going to be able to get over and thru this without well, going thru it. Some things in life we just have to go thru. It really does suck and I empathize with you.

I’ve been on the run before and I mean really in the run. Hell I went and traveled with a carnival I worked for who gave me lodging and daily pay. But that gets old eventually. That’s why I said I’d run until I got tired if it then face the music.

County does suck especially if you are looking at years but what makes you think you are looking at multiple years in the county? Are you sure about that or is that the cloak of despair clouding your vision?

The longest I’ve known of anyone doing in county at least where I’m from and been is a year, and yeah it feels like multiple years but if you have to do multiple years it’s usually in prison. I have heard of it but I’ve only known of a person or two who have done a year roughly and usually that’s if you are fighting it. But idk everything and times have changed since I’ve been at odds with the law.

Still, I’d get medically detoxed so jail doesn’t suck so bad and then just face the music and try to have some money and things set up to have the most comfortable time you possibly can inside. Maybe get som e Money together or work out a way to get a good attorney first. so you don’t have.

Also, I think once you do this (if you do this) you will start to feel better because you are doing something about it to solve it. You can only run from your problems for so long. Why not do the hard but best thing for you and try to get a good attorney and get some money together somehow, or if you can’t get a good attorney at least get some money together so you got more comfort inside and get medically stable/detoxed m the outside and them get it over with.

I know I’m making it sound so much simpler than what it is but it’s not my intention. I really do feel your pain and despair, but the reality is the only way thru this situation is thru it in this circumstance.

Edit: I guess some jurisdictions do have people there for multiple years according to goood old google. Just not where I live. That really does suck but maybe be a runner or something. Well that’s what we call them here. I still stand on what I said though. The only way thru this is thru it my friend.

 

[Juicewrldfan]

Absolute bollocks and indicative of all that is fucked about humanity - you speak with great authority, lmfao

Jesus was cool - but this God you speak of is clearly a tyrant. Or 'he ' would be if he existed, which he doesn't. An eternity in hell, ok.

There are many paths, not just 'yours'.

I hesitated in writing this because I don’t want to offend and really religion should not have been put in this thread to begin with, but let’s not attack other people’s beliefs either.

It’s okay if you don’t believe the same as someone else and yes organized religion has done so much damage all throughout history, but that’s humans for you. They can take a good thing and taint it and twist it.

The church has done a lot of good as well. When I was homeless for many years, if it wasn’t for the Christians organizations I would have not had shelter or food. Most food is provided by churches to the homeless in my area and the shelters are Lutheran social services, another Christian sect.

I am sorry for whatever the church did to you or someone you loved but by saying his God doesn’t exist you are speaking with the same authority you accuse him of. And it’s a bit hypocritical if I’m being honest.

Really, religion should have never been brought up in the first place and I know you didn’t bring it up. When people push their beliefs on others and use the hellfire approach it does make people quite uncomfortable so I get it. But this doesn’t represent true Christianity. Anyway, maybe I shouldn’t have responded because like I said this thread isn’t about or rather shouldn’t have been about religious beliefs to begin with.

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

I hesitated in writing this because I don’t want to offend and really religion should not have been put in this thread to begin with, but let’s not attack other people’s beliefs either.

It’s okay if you don’t believe the same as someone else and yes organized religion has done so much damage all throughout history, but that’s humans for you. They can take a good thing and taint it and twist it.

The church has done a lot of good as well. When I was homeless for many years, if it wasn’t for the Christians organizations I would have not had shelter or food. Most food is provided by churches to the homeless in my area and the shelters are Lutheran social services, another Christian sect.

I am sorry for whatever the church did to you or someone you loved but by saying his God doesn’t exist you are speaking with the same authority you accuse him of. And it’s a bit hypocritical if I’m being honest.

Really, religion should have never been brought up in the first place and I know you didn’t bring it up. When people push their beliefs on others and use the hellfire approach it does make people quite uncomfortable so I get it. But this doesn’t represent true Christianity. Anyway, maybe I shouldn’t have responded because like I said this thread isn’t about or rather shouldn’t have been about religious beliefs to begin with.

I am not slightest offended

As I said - there are many paths - I'm not against spirtual movements and am well clued up regarding religion my friend.

My issue is with fundamentalism. Believe this or damnation. This is the only way. Only my religion is 'correct'. I don't believe in any 'God' that promotes such.

There's a rather good example of where that ridiculous fear-based belief (brainwashing) leads to going on right now, I'm sure you're aware. And also had been repeated (primarily by the Abrahamic religions) throughout history

Peace to everyone - but dont tell people they are going to "Hell" if they don't believe in your particular imaginary sky-man, and that you 'know' that this is the truth. cheers (I know you did not do that).

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

@Sweets42 how are you doing?

 

[Juicewrldfan]

I am not slightest offended

As I said - there are many paths - I'm not against spirtual movements and am well clued up regarding religion my friend.

My issue is with fundamentalism. Believe this or damnation. This is the only way. Only my religion is 'correct'. I don't believe in any 'God' that promotes such.

There's a rather good example of where that ridiculous fear-based belief (brainwashing) leads to going on right now, I'm sure you're aware. And also had been repeated (primarily by the Abrahamic religions) throughout history

Peace to everyone - but dont tell people they are going to "Hell" if they don't believe in your particular imaginary sky-man, and that you 'know' that this is the truth. cheers (I know you did not do that).

Cool. Yeah I agree wholeheartedly with everything you said here