Trying to kick opiates- AGAIN

[Bmwm8]

I figured I would make my own thread on kicking opiates and my progress. As some have seen I started yesterday on another thread but decided to create one.
Im on day two of a roughly 5 mo bender on oxy and dilaudid and im beyond over it.
Have switched to subs and I need to stay on these so I dont fck up. Hoping they will keep the cravings at bay because that is what always makes me cave.

Detox meds: Xanax first cpl days, Kratom- MIT kratom shots are damn strong and help alot. THC edibles or smoke def help. May get some muscle relaxers to get over the RLS but thats about all. Oh i have some K also I used a small amnt of during some of the worse crawling skin feelings that helped a ton. I have no addictive issues w it so its giong back in safe keeping shortly.

Im at work today just trying to keep busy. I will start lifting again religiously (one of the only things that makes me happy when doing it) once the WD's and cramps/ aches are gone in 2 days.

will do my best to update how this is going. I must do something before I end up dead because my tolerance has become absurd not to mention my $$$$ multi thousand dollar mo. habbitt.

Lets just get day two over and then well work on day 3.

 

[Bmwm8]

Well work is never fun during wd or just recalibrating to “normal”. Everything just seems so boring. Luckily slowly release oxy is damn boring to me too and I can’t relatively get instant releases ones for anything less than rape prices inconsistently. So wanting to get Clien is even easier. Though it’s never easy.
Wrapping up my second day in the next couple hours. Only used .5 mg of Xanax and a Kratom shot+ subs. I find anything more than 4 mg overkill w subs. I may go 6 the first few days if cravings dictate but after I’ll go to 4. I don’t want to use it, but I know I stand the best chance of staying clean when using it because the cravings suck me back in every time.
Working on wrapping up day too. I’m happy with myself, i have not caved. Hoping each day gets a little better..

 

[deficiT]

Well work is never fun during wd or just recalibrating to “normal”. Everything just seems so boring. Luckily slowly release oxy is damn boring to me too and I can’t relatively get instant releases ones for anything less than rape prices inconsistently. So wanting to get Clien is even easier. Though it’s never easy.
Wrapping up my second day in the next couple hours. Only used .5 mg of Xanax and a Kratom shot+ subs. I find anything more than 4 mg overkill w subs. I may go 6 the first few days if cravings dictate but after I’ll go to 4. I don’t want to use it, but I know I stand the best chance of staying clean when using it because the cravings suck me back in every time.
Working on wrapping up day too. I’m happy with myself, i have not caved. Hoping each day gets a little better..

Yeah I've been through it. Work indeed blows in opioid withdrawals. I once drove a scissor lift into a wall when I was working in WD

But the first days are the hardest as they say. Maybe pick up some black seed oil, it really helps with physical effects of withdrawal, and it's a natural antiinflammatory.

 

[Bmwm8]

9:18 end of day two getting ready for bed and the cravings are starting to kick in harder. Would love but will not give in.
Took a little tiny bump of k. Trying to see if this has any usefulness to lowering the craving feeling. Not using enough to trip or feel euphoric. Idk if it had any value just decided to try since I usually like how I feel and I don’t have an addiction issue with it.
Took .5mg Xanax twice today. Hoping I don’t need more this eve. That stuff definitely helps cut down on the cravings. I don’t wanna get hooked on that though because the withdrawals are horrendous.

Trying to think if there’s some other prescription drugs, I can take for a couple weeks help get me through the craving phase. Even with the subs sometimes it’s all I can do to not give in.

Man, I hope this shit gets better with time because if this is how it’s going to be for the rest of life, I’m not even gonna bother trying. I realize I am finishing day two. Just saying with the never-ending cravings and never leaving my mind.

 

[skipjames]

Just saying with the never-ending cravings and never leaving my mind.

in my experience, and I guess in the experience of many other, day 2 and 3 are kinda the hardest, but you have your benzos, your kratom etc, personally I ve never used subs but if they are a deterrent so be it.

Man, I hope this shit gets better with time because if this is how it’s going to be for the rest of life, I’m not even gonna bother trying.

Physical w-d wise, it DEFINITELY gets better with time, I usually start feeling almost human again around day 4- 5 at max, for many people it takes longer , but you are almost there anyway. For now let s focus on that!

Trying to think if there’s some other prescription drugs, I can take for a couple weeks help get me through the craving phase. Even with the subs sometimes it’s all I can do to not give in.

Subs= subutex right ? for good or worse they are not available where I live ( Brazil) , but if they are helping you out, at least in the "acute phase",that s better than using again, especially since as you might already know ( and s I ve recently discovered) the older you get, the faster is to get addicted again, and there s really no point in going thru all the crazy shit u are experiencing to ...having to do all over again after a couple of days of getting high....Any chance of giving therapy- NA - Smart recovery group https://smartrecovery.org/ (actually if they were around down here I myself would give SMART a try) ?

will do my best to update how this is going. I must do something before I end up dead because my tolerance has become absurd not to mention my $$$$ multi thousand dollar mo. habbitt.

Please do let us know how u r doing, , I m not completely opioid free myself as I also have a bit of a problem with cocaine at the moment and the odd morphine pills helps me out with the comedowns, but at least I m staying away from oxys as much as I can, too good, too addictive, too expensive and let s face it, you know as I know that at some point you have to use a shitload of them not to feel good but simply to feel not bad....

 

[Bmwm8]

Yeah I've been through it. Work indeed blows in opioid withdrawals. I once drove a scissor lift into a wall when I was working in WD

But the first days are the hardest as they say. Maybe pick up some black seed oil, it really helps with physical effects of withdrawal, and it's a natural antiinflammatory.

Oh shit hahah really? Sorry to hear that. Was just picturing one of those racks that are like six stories high falling down that hold everything and commercial buildings.

 

[Bmwm8]

in my experience, and I guess in the experience of many other, day 2 and 3 are kinda the hardest, but you have your benzos, your kratom etc, personally I ve never used subs but if they are a deterrent so be it.

Physical w-d wise, it DEFINITELY gets better with time, I usually start feeling almost human again around day 4- 5 at max, for many people it takes longer , but you are almost there anyway. For now let s focus on that!


Subs= subutex right ? for good or worse they are not available where I live ( Brazil) , but if they are helping you out, at least in the "acute phase",that s better than using again, especially since as you might already know ( and s I ve recently discovered) the older you get, the faster is to get addicted again, and there s really no point in going thru all the crazy shit u are experiencing to ...having to do all over again after a couple of days of getting high....Any chance of giving therapy- NA - Smart recovery group https://smartrecovery.org/ (actually if they were around down here I myself would give SMART a try) ?

Please do let us know how u r doing, , I m not completely opioid free myself as I also have a bit of a problem with cocaine at the moment and the odd morphine pills helps me out with the comedowns, but at least I m staying away from oxys as much as I can, too good, too addictive, too expensive and let s face it, you know as I know that at some point you have to use a shitload of them not to feel good but simply to feel not bad....

Subs are either subutex = no nalaxone or suboxone = w naloxone. I have w. Most stocks won’t RX without. Only time I’ve ever had the other is when I’ve been in detox.
They definitely help. I know for a fact it’s the only thing keeping me sober because the cravings without them will send right back. I went for months of horrible cravings without anything except kratom and damn near drove me mad.

I already go to counseling. I actually enjoy it. I have a pretty high stress life. I run a business and own it and don’t really have anyone to talk about any of the hell lol. So that’s a good outlet.
Was going to AA meetings. Didn’t love them. Gave them a two month chance after detox. Was looking for some other options. Familiar with smart Recovery. Went to some of the online meetings, but the problem is where they host them the closest one to me is at least 90 minutes.

Well, on two day three. About to go walk the dogs and hopefully stay strong.

Thank you, everyone for the kind words and input.

 

[deficiT]

Oh shit hahah really? Sorry to hear that. Was just picturing one of those racks that are like six stories high falling down that hold everything and commercial buildings.

It's ok we had a lot of drywall guys around, they patched up the hole real quick. Thankfully wasn't on some crazy height or something.

 

[Bmwm8]

in an effort to not dwell on how long the day is going to be until its over im breaking it into 1/3s lol. 1/3 down and still clean day 3! Its sad it takes this much work and im only on day 3. I cant imagine 3months. I was sober from last week of nov throguh the first two weeks of jan. totally sober. no benzos and only THC to sleep the last 3 weeks. finally gave into that after weeks of 0 sleep and suffering from benzo wd's. The brain fog was beyond hell. I dont think i remembered my name clearly.
I turn 40 in june and I want to be over this roller coaster and stop sabotagning my life. I have an amazing life. A life many would kill for. Yet its never enough for me. Very little gives me lasting enjoyment. Thats where opiates come in.
The fact I can hold my shit together enough to be successful baffels me. I could be so much further ahead at this point too. It kills me to think about.

 

[Bmwm8]

Fck my plugs loaded w dilly’s again. I hate the cravings and constant fight. Mine is an Internet guy so at least it takes me a couple days to get them, but unfortunately, unfortunately he seems to have a massive never-ending supply.
The good part is I hate the ox that he has because they’re slow released and those things suck. The bad part is I’m an addict and still want them all.jist had some Kratom. Gonna go for a walk and try to kick this feeling.

 

[Bmwm8]

Another 4 hrs block down. 2/3 of the day competed. It’s been a struggle. Woulda loved to use or order but I refrained.
Going on MIT 45 Kratom shots (am/pm) if you haven’t used these while detoxing, I highly recommend giving them a try. They are very potent. They’re not cheap, but I found a website I can order them from for about half the price of anywhere you find them in a gas station or headship.

I’ve used .5 mg Xanax on my way home because I was concerned with the cravings that I might cave.
Ordered up some Lyrica, which will probably take a week to get here. Also ordered some soma. I realize not exactly sober but if it keeps me off of opiates and help me get past the cravings at least in the initial weeks then I don’t care.
After my first detox, Aunt, I was trying not to take anything and drove myself crazy. I was trying to listen to everyone else and they’re putting shit in my head about Absolute abstinence being a must. That would be a goal, but I am nowhere near there. if I can take something that will get me through another day of opiates, but much safer and less addictive than for now it’s a win in my book.

I want to use. I’m gonna go take the dogs for a walk and try somewhere else. Fckn cravings! I don’t understand how anybody has ever gotten clean short of going to jail for years on end. That’s literally the only thing in my mind that sounds like it could work, and I can’t do that because I have a career, a life, family, and people that depend on me. I also realize I’m very undependable when I’m a fuck up so it’s kind of a double edge sword.

 

[Bmwm8]

Wrapping up day 3! Seems like such a feat and such a minuscule thing at the same time.
I’m feening for some dilaudi or oxy but I’m hoping the more I fight the easier it gets w time. I sure hope that’s the case because I don’t have this for long-term.
But I do have this for today and that’s all that matters.

 

[Bmwm8]

Day 4! Still going strong. Not easy but keeping my mind busy and trying not to dwell on cravings or habits that lead me in any sort of direction toward opiates. I fckn hate these things and wanna be off this roller coaster for my 40th bday (6/18). I know I’ll be nowhere near the safe zone but I know the more days I get under my belt the more I don’t wanna fck it up and start back at 0.

 

[endlessnameless]

I reckon you should be well out of the woods by June 18th. I suppose it depends on what your tapering plan looks like.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

Maybe plan to use half of the money that would go to getting lifted and buy yourself something nice for your birthday. Helps to remind you of the better choice! Also, do you have someone, anyone, who you can talk to about this? Might really help. Good luck!

 

[Bmwm8]

I reckon you should be well out of the woods by June 18th. I suppose it depends on what your tapering plan looks like.

Im on day 4 off opoids (on suboxone) so there is no taper. Just trying to keep them out of my body.

 

[Bmwm8]

Maybe plan to use half of the money that would go to getting lifted and buy yourself something nice for your birthday. Helps to remind you of the better choice! Also, do you have someone, anyone, who you can talk to about this? Might really help. Good luck!

I dont know how to say this without it coming across as entirley cocky and arrogant.

I own my biz and do pretty well for myself. In the past, I founds myself buying things to make myself happy which doesnt work or last. Its a short term fix for a long term prob. Then I end up more stressed out because I just have more stuff I dont need.

I just recently bought another car (hence my profile name), got back from the Galapagos, HI, several other vacations this year etc. I can pretty much do whatever I want whenever which is also a downfall because I dont have to go to work everyday and I can drop thousands on pills without stress even though its as good as lighting my money on fire.

I think your idea is not half bad though. I find more happiness out of buying stuff for others or helping ppl. I would prob doante a nice chunk to a dog rescue I work with because I dont need anything else.

Again, im not trying to brag or be arrogant. I busted my ass for many years and im blessed to be in the position im in minus the opiate issue. I could be so much better though and so much further ahead if it werent for drugs.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I do appreciate it.

 

[Bmwm8]

2/3 of day 4 over a.
When I remotely have my shit together and work out feeding. I have not been training lately. As soon as I start using a stop, going to the gym for some reason every time.
I feel well enough now that I’m gonna go get a workout in and hopefully build some of the feel good hormones and some more time. Last thing I need is cravings creeping up on me.

 

[Bmwm8]

Day 5! Good lord this has been a struggle. For some reason between 2-4pm the cravings kick in and it’s all I can do to not use. Anyone else’s experience this? Have any tips/tricks? Been saving part of my suboxone dose and taking it when they become rough. Seems to kinda help but will this get better?
I make it through today!

 

[endlessnameless]

Congratulations on getting this far without caving in. So how are you feeling today, (It should be Day 11)?

Congratulations on the M8 man, damn how much did that set you back? Dream car right there. Driving that around should keep you busy and take your mind off things. Any pics of the car?

Do you eventually plan on getting off the Subs? Whats your current dose on those (and how much do you dose when you take them as I see there you said you only take them when things get rough)?