• MDMA &
    Empathogenic
    Drugs

    Welcome Guest!
  • MDMA Moderators:

tooo fckin much MDMA - prognosis?

P

PotatoMashBrain

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 23, 2016
Messages
7
Yeaahh, I did it, I as a 17 year old went and accidently fucked up my brain.. By accident,
I mixed up the dosage, I was supposed to take the fixed bomb containing my 2mg/kg dose, instead I took the one containing my stash which contained 500mg... Which for me at the time, being a skinny little dude, was a 7,7 mg/kg dose..

Heheheh, i'm not gonna lie, it was the most awesome time of my life. Got a little surprised though, considering I had just had a "small dose", all that euphoria and energy...

This happened in august 2015, which means
its been almost a year. A terrible fucking year
where I basically have seen my entire life gotten fucked up in a million different ways,
lost all my social skills, feeling "disconnected"
from my surroundings which I assume is some sort of derialization disorder, impaired working memory, impaired ability to concentrate, impaired learning skills, and a sluggish brain in general.. Went from being a straight A student to having to fight hard as fuck for even passing. Complete and utter mental breakdown, the nights ending up in tears and frustration have been many...

Since the incident I have been eating healthy, stopped all drug use(except for nicotine+caffeine)
excercising on average 2 times a week,
Been challenging my brain to learn new stuff
every week such as learning to play instruments, languages, blabla, to increase
"Neurogenesis", been supplementing with
Omega 3, 6s, multivitamins,
Thinking about starting "cogmed memory training" - they claim that using their product for 30minutes a day for a five week period can help increase working memory by an average of 20% which seems reliable since they apperently have tons of research to support this, and all kinds of disabled peoples have turned to them for help, stroke situations etc..
Anyone tried this who can confirm?

I can't put on words how fucking scared I am of this damage being permanent, so now I turn to you, research and anecdotal experiences all welcome.

I apologize for posting this knowing there's a billion of these threads already, but I felt, considering this is bout my mental health, I really wanted a reply more specific to my situation. thankz to anyone for baring to read through my fckd up situation, cheeerz! :)
 
Hey, there is an MDMA recovery thread on here that might help you. I'm going through the same thing. I am six weeks in...
 
I can only offer you my anecdotal experience but all of the symptoms are in keep with what people generally report on here. I'd say keep doing what you're doing.

My experience lasted about 6 months from the very start of this year (I took a higher dose than usual on NYE), with some of the shock of everything thats happened still with me a bit today. With regards to your memory I suffered the same affliction and it caused me so much anxiety about whether I had given myself permanent brain damage. However, many folk have done considerably higher doses and much more often than me without suffering such a fate. For me that alone just proves that it was all in my head. An analogy I saw on here posted by Cotcha the other day describes the situation perfectly, only I altered it slightly:

Imagine a small cup with oil in it. The cup is your working memory, and the oil is the important things that you need to remember. The oil doesn't overspill the cup and it fills the cup perfectly. Now imagine pouring water from a jug into the cup, the water is all your wandering, anxious thoughts, which are of no importance to you. The oil (less dense than water) gets pushed up out of the cup and replaced by the water. Therefore, you replace all the important things you need to remember with unimportant, wandering thoughts.

So don't worry about your memory, and you seem to be doing all the right things to stay healthy. Just takes time bro.
 
PotatoMashBrain said:
Yeaahh, I did it, I as a 17 year old went and accidently fucked up my brain.. By accident,I mixed up the dosage, I was supposed to take the fixed bomb containing my 2mg/kg dose, instead I took the one containing my stash which contained 500mg... Which for me at the time, being a skinny little dude, was a 7,7 mg/kg dose.. Heheheh, i'm not gonna lie, it was the most awesome time of my life. Got a little surprised though, considering I had just had a "small dose", all that euphoria and energy...This happened in august 2015, which meansits been almost a year. A terrible fucking yearwhere I basically have seen my entire life gotten fucked up in a million different ways,lost all my social skills, feeling "disconnected"from my surroundings which I assume is some sort of derialization disorder, impaired working memory, impaired ability to concentrate, impaired learning skills, and a sluggish brain in general.. Went from being a straight A student to having to fight hard as fuck for even passing. Complete and utter mental breakdown, the nights ending up in tears and frustration have been many...Since the incident I have been eating healthy, stopped all drug use(except for nicotine+caffeine)excercising on average 2 times a week,Been challenging my brain to learn new stuffevery week such as learning to play instruments, languages, blabla, to increase"Neurogenesis", been supplementing withOmega 3, 6s, multivitamins,Thinking about starting "cogmed memory training" - they claim that using their product for 30minutes a day for a five week period can help increase working memory by an average of 20% which seems reliable since they apperently have tons of research to support this, and all kinds of disabled peoples have turned to them for help, stroke situations etc..Anyone tried this who can confirm?I can't put on words how fucking scared I am of this damage being permanent, so now I turn to you, research and anecdotal experiences all welcome.I apologize for posting this knowing there's a billion of these threads already, but I felt, considering this is bout my mental health, I really wanted a reply more specific to my situation. thankz to anyone for baring to read through my fckd up situation, cheeerz! :)
Click to expand...
Have you been feeling better at all in the past year?
 
Yeah, I have recovered a bit, after two months I felt like the most severe stuff faded away. My vision has gotten much less blurry, I can now look at light, watch "emotional movies" etc without getting sort of a druggy "endorphine like rush " through my body.. I feel however that i'm still cognitively impaired in a number of ways described above..
 
I really want to believe that, but I gotta be honest, the notion that you are able to fuck up your brain so bad that it needs several years to recover, because of one fcking night of bad luck and poor judgement really has gotten the best of me.. Additionaly, the whole thing about my brain being underdeveloped as I was 17, really scares me, like i'm not gonna be able to recover as much, blabla...
 
I was 16-17 too when i did MDMA, I did about 1,5g in 6 month and after the last roll I had really bad memory lost, like losing orientation in a city, panic attacks, feeling nothing, etc.
It's now 9 month ago that I did it the last time and I feel much better. I know it going to take a few years for me too but I'm not giving it up. I'm thinking too what has it done to a underdeveloped brain but now it's over I can't change the fact it happened. The only thing I could do now is to do as much as I can to get better soon. Don't give it up, you will soon turn to something you could tell as "normal" and then things will get better!
 
I think if you eat healthy, do sports and help your genesis with things like lions mane mushroom, curcumin and some other natural substances that stimulate neurogenesis you will turn complete normal
 
Last May I did 800-1500mg of MDMA in the course of 2 hours; I'm still not out of the woods but the damage is a lot less apparent than it was before. Recovering from this takes lots and lots of time, and there is nothing you can do to circumvent the damage you've done to your serotonin system. The best you can do is learn to accept your current state and stay as healthy as possible.

There are a few ways you can speed up recovery and lessen the side effects of your abuse. Supplements are the easy go-to option and they help a lot, but you should also try to get in exercise and meditation. In the past I've used fish oil, 5-htp, magnesium and zinc supplements; and I've noticed a significant improvement in my cognition and mental health. Try to reduce caffeine usage as well when you can afford it as well, your brain needs as much rest as possible.
 
Cyberius, you say there's nothing I can do to circumvent the damage I've done. So you don't think my cognitive impairments will fade any more than they already have? It's been 1 year so far. Do you think I will keep recovering over let's say the coming 5 years, or will this pretty much be how i'm gonna be like? cheerz: )
 
PotatoMashBrain said:
Cyberius, you say there's nothing I can do to circumvent the damage I've done. So you don't think my cognitive impairments will fade any more than they already have? It's been 1 year so far. Do you think I will keep recovering over let's say the coming 5 years, or will this pretty much be how i'm gonna be like? cheerz: )
Click to expand...


"I can't put on words how fucking scared I am of this damage being permanent, so now I turn to you, research and anecdotal experiences all welcome."


That is part of the problem.

Your brain is still developing and will do so through age 25. The difference in your cognition is probably extremely small -- or even non-existent by now, but your focus on it has given it a life of it's own.

Fixation on a topic you feel powerless to change will cause mood disorders and extreme stress that WILL dysregulate your HPA axis.


 
PotatoMashBrain said:
Cyberius, you say there's nothing I can do to circumvent the damage I've done. So you don't think my cognitive impairments will fade any more than they already have? It's been 1 year so far. Do you think I will keep recovering over let's say the coming 5 years, or will this pretty much be how i'm gonna be like? cheerz: )
Click to expand...

I'm not saying you won't recover, but you've really altered your chemical balance in your brain and there's going to be a unavoidable amount of suffering before you're going to feel 100% again.

The above poster is right. The more thought you give this and the more sorry you feel for yourself the slower you'll recover. Good mental hygiene is very important for you right now.
 
Yes, I did try an SSRI - "Escitalopram"... I guess it helped me somewhat, depression wise. However, on it I was a fckin weirdo, and It made my concentration and memory worse so I quit after 8 weeks on it.
 
yeah that's why I am hesitating going on it. It turns me into a nut-case.
 
Mindfulness meditation based techniques have indeed shown benefits for cognition - it isn't pseudoscience I promise you, it really is worth dedicating some serious time and effort to for a multitude of reasons. It's made all the difference in the world for me and I only really started it on year 5. I'm into year 6 and between 5 and 6 is where I've seen the greatest improvement in certain aspects.

Meditation really does change your brains physiology.

If it's any consolation I made my MDMA mistakes when I was 14-15, sometimes taking towards 10 pills. At young ages, the brain is still incredibly plastic and has yet to undergo the majority of it's pruning of brain cells - the pruning of brain cells serves a purpose, to streamline the brain. As you get older and develop your full brain, especially your prefrontal cortex, things will improve greatly. We're probably much better off having had an LTC when we were young to be honest.

Hang in there and try the mindfulness, especially with guided meditations (YouTube is great), and as always any questions are welcome.
 
fnono33 said:
PotatoMashBrain, have you tried an SSRI?
Click to expand...

I've been on Mirtazapine for 7 weeks (not an SSRI), started at 7mg, went up to 15mg for 2 weeks, now I'm trying it again on 7mg. It's helped my sleep, but I feel groggy the next day, some days worse than others, and some nights I sleep better than others. It hasn't changed my mood, but I've never really been depressed during my LTC, I just couldn't sleep due to HORRIBLE brain zaps and muscle writhing. I haven't got the zaps in a couple weeks, but I still have tingling in the left side of my face and also a tension headache, but they're manageable and it waxes and wanes. I've been sleeping about 5 hours, which isn't great but much better than the 0 or 2 hours I was getting.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top