MantisGod
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2024
- Messages
- 34
Hello world! This is my first post ever on one of my most used websites. Funny how that happened, I just kept putting off making an account despite having interesting thread concepts in my mind since I started lurking 3 years ago. I have also thoroughly browsed Erowid, Shroomery, 420chan (before it was kill) and Psychonaut wiki since I was 17 as well. I guess my main motivation for joining is to find like minded people. I am 24 years old and male, have been overweight all my life, 5'11" 260-280 lbs range, (trying my best to slowly remedy this!) due to using food as a source of self regulation. I suppose the largest cause of my (habitual) drug use is my very strong emotions and an inability to identify emotions or feel the right ones in certain contexts. I should mention that I have ASD and have always felt like a complete imitation of a person in some respects. I am currently only dependent on Clonazepam and Pregabalin, the former for the management of intrusive thoughts and anxiety that lead to a breakdown at the beginning of last year and the latter to manage neuropathic pain that developed 3 years ago. But I am absolutely psychologically dependent on the escape provided from substances. I come from a heavily conservative background including religion and government service. Naturally, there has always been a bit of a color clash between me and my family. So much so that the rift between us is palpable and we rarely speak. I have come to terms with that a few months back and have officially let go. But enough whinging, here is my drug history.
I have tried Amphetamine once, Methamphetamine for 2 months (at a job where I couldn't get anything else), Methylphenidate therapeutically (which I was put on during high school by my oh so loving parents, who beat and abandoned me) Cocaine HCL tested at 92% 3 grams total (Amazing at first and especially when combined with Alcohol but I get too strained after a few hours and being overweight is scary when doing this drug) Real tested MDMA crystals 7 times (Might be a bit odd but I rate the euphoria level of it around the same as a good opiate and nitrous oxide), MDA 3 times (Love the promiscuous binding, feels like a candyflip to me), 5-MeO-MiPT a few times (but could never get it to work despite it being from a legit source), 2-cb oral and insufflated 10 times (I love anything to do with snorting), LSD probably 45 times since the age of 17 (I actually did this before THC lmao to give you context on how socially unconnected I was), Delta 9 THC about 25 times (illegal state), THC-O countless times (fav alt noid and got dependent on this for 3 months), Delta 8 THC countless times, HHC twice (not a fan of this one, very weak and off feeling idk) Delta 10 THC once (just weaker Delta 8), Psilocybin mushroom powder twice (gave me the best overall headspace I have ever had, in my personal opinion Tryptamines>Lysergamides), 4-ACO-DMT 6 times (personal favorite psych ATM), DMT 15 times via vape (close second favorite psych), Ketamine around 20 times (the "hole" effect of Dissociatives is my personal favorite way to achieve the psychological escapism I am addicted to, plus it works absurdly well as an immediate antidepressant for me), DXM close to 30 times (got very addicted to this in high school due to it being OTC and frequently combined it with LSD which I don't think was very safe), FXE 4 times (kind of unpredictable but still a nice experience) Nitrous Oxide countless times (if this was more convenient to administer I would say it may be my fav drug of all time due to the insane potentiation of psychs and badass euphoria) Xanax 6 times (found my moms script when I was 14 lol, waaaaay more euphoric than kpins ime) Clonazepam countless times since April 2023 (not a recreational experience at all but is amazing at keeping me level, I am currently tapering down off 1mg a day by reducing .25 every week), Tramadol probably 20 times since 14 (works very well for me, nice speedy euphoria) Kratom (pretty much only red strains at really silly amounts because I wanted to nod
) Codeine 3 times (I don't think I metabolize this well at all) Hydrocodone in syrup form for wisdom teeth removal for 4 days straight (Wore off really fast and introduced me to mild OP withdrawals which was interesting to experience) Oxycodone 15 times (The holy of holies, I am talking legit pharma OC's, thank you Europe, my DOC for a simple escape from emotional pain day) Buprenorphine without naloxone crushed up and tooted around 5 times (The long half life leads me to believe recreational use is likely a bad idea for dependence, very stoning, but I enjoyed it quite a lot) Gabapentin both therapeutically and recreationally many times (I personally really like the Gabapentenoid high) Pregabalin both therapeutically and recreationally (works so much better than Gabapentin in both ways) Phenibut 6 times (Very comparable to a Pregabalin experience despite working on GABA-B instead of voltage gated calcium channels) Diphenhydramine about 4 times (until I discovered how unfun that drug class is) and numerous psych meds from SSRI's to Antipsychotics which did a sum total of jack fucking shit.
I recently decided to remove somebody very important in my life for good, my best friend of 9 years and a fellow drug user. I believe that since that time (September 2023) there has been a part of me that craves interaction with like minded people. That relationship was entirely online, apart from a small meetup/substance binge shortly before I decided to stop speaking with him. This person was very similar to me and for that reason the relationship coming to such an end deeply affected me. Although that was the case, I came to realize that it was extremely emotionally straining on my psyche, and likely lead to more irresponsible drug use. He would suddenly cease contact for periods of several months despite having no reason to. Then there would always be some sort of excuse behind it and never any apologies. I simply accepted him back into my life after some protest because I was afraid of being alone. But I see now that this was a toxic friendship, destined to consistently disappoint and putting me in a position where I felt as though I was being repeatedly abandoned despite feeling the best I ever have sober while being in consistent contact. It's getting easier to move on, but like most things in my life I get that "itch" once in a while to reach out. I just let it flow out and away from my mind when it strikes.
However, your new member is not completely alone! I have been living with my wonderful partner for four years now who accepts me for my limitations as they are. I live with her family and assist them with daily tasks as I can. I could not be more grateful for the stability that I have been fortunate enough to receive, many autistic adults in The United States are trundled off to group homes or homeless shelters when they turn 18. Alas, without an income of my own or a vehicle to get around (I live in one of the most pedestrian unfriendly areas on Earth) I am usually housebound. Not to mention the fact that the suburb I live in is extremely labyrinthian and one street bleeds into the others. But I am working on getting disability compensation and my partner has a desire for a career and is getting an on paper education, so the future seems bright so far! If you read all this I would like to thank you, it was very helpful to get this out.
TL;DR I'm a little different but want to make new friends with people who have had similar experiences and want to share them with me, cheers and have a great day!
I have tried Amphetamine once, Methamphetamine for 2 months (at a job where I couldn't get anything else), Methylphenidate therapeutically (which I was put on during high school by my oh so loving parents, who beat and abandoned me) Cocaine HCL tested at 92% 3 grams total (Amazing at first and especially when combined with Alcohol but I get too strained after a few hours and being overweight is scary when doing this drug) Real tested MDMA crystals 7 times (Might be a bit odd but I rate the euphoria level of it around the same as a good opiate and nitrous oxide), MDA 3 times (Love the promiscuous binding, feels like a candyflip to me), 5-MeO-MiPT a few times (but could never get it to work despite it being from a legit source), 2-cb oral and insufflated 10 times (I love anything to do with snorting), LSD probably 45 times since the age of 17 (I actually did this before THC lmao to give you context on how socially unconnected I was), Delta 9 THC about 25 times (illegal state), THC-O countless times (fav alt noid and got dependent on this for 3 months), Delta 8 THC countless times, HHC twice (not a fan of this one, very weak and off feeling idk) Delta 10 THC once (just weaker Delta 8), Psilocybin mushroom powder twice (gave me the best overall headspace I have ever had, in my personal opinion Tryptamines>Lysergamides), 4-ACO-DMT 6 times (personal favorite psych ATM), DMT 15 times via vape (close second favorite psych), Ketamine around 20 times (the "hole" effect of Dissociatives is my personal favorite way to achieve the psychological escapism I am addicted to, plus it works absurdly well as an immediate antidepressant for me), DXM close to 30 times (got very addicted to this in high school due to it being OTC and frequently combined it with LSD which I don't think was very safe), FXE 4 times (kind of unpredictable but still a nice experience) Nitrous Oxide countless times (if this was more convenient to administer I would say it may be my fav drug of all time due to the insane potentiation of psychs and badass euphoria) Xanax 6 times (found my moms script when I was 14 lol, waaaaay more euphoric than kpins ime) Clonazepam countless times since April 2023 (not a recreational experience at all but is amazing at keeping me level, I am currently tapering down off 1mg a day by reducing .25 every week), Tramadol probably 20 times since 14 (works very well for me, nice speedy euphoria) Kratom (pretty much only red strains at really silly amounts because I wanted to nod
) Codeine 3 times (I don't think I metabolize this well at all) Hydrocodone in syrup form for wisdom teeth removal for 4 days straight (Wore off really fast and introduced me to mild OP withdrawals which was interesting to experience) Oxycodone 15 times (The holy of holies, I am talking legit pharma OC's, thank you Europe, my DOC for a simple escape from emotional pain day) Buprenorphine without naloxone crushed up and tooted around 5 times (The long half life leads me to believe recreational use is likely a bad idea for dependence, very stoning, but I enjoyed it quite a lot) Gabapentin both therapeutically and recreationally many times (I personally really like the Gabapentenoid high) Pregabalin both therapeutically and recreationally (works so much better than Gabapentin in both ways) Phenibut 6 times (Very comparable to a Pregabalin experience despite working on GABA-B instead of voltage gated calcium channels) Diphenhydramine about 4 times (until I discovered how unfun that drug class is) and numerous psych meds from SSRI's to Antipsychotics which did a sum total of jack fucking shit. I recently decided to remove somebody very important in my life for good, my best friend of 9 years and a fellow drug user. I believe that since that time (September 2023) there has been a part of me that craves interaction with like minded people. That relationship was entirely online, apart from a small meetup/substance binge shortly before I decided to stop speaking with him. This person was very similar to me and for that reason the relationship coming to such an end deeply affected me. Although that was the case, I came to realize that it was extremely emotionally straining on my psyche, and likely lead to more irresponsible drug use. He would suddenly cease contact for periods of several months despite having no reason to. Then there would always be some sort of excuse behind it and never any apologies. I simply accepted him back into my life after some protest because I was afraid of being alone. But I see now that this was a toxic friendship, destined to consistently disappoint and putting me in a position where I felt as though I was being repeatedly abandoned despite feeling the best I ever have sober while being in consistent contact. It's getting easier to move on, but like most things in my life I get that "itch" once in a while to reach out. I just let it flow out and away from my mind when it strikes.
However, your new member is not completely alone! I have been living with my wonderful partner for four years now who accepts me for my limitations as they are. I live with her family and assist them with daily tasks as I can. I could not be more grateful for the stability that I have been fortunate enough to receive, many autistic adults in The United States are trundled off to group homes or homeless shelters when they turn 18. Alas, without an income of my own or a vehicle to get around (I live in one of the most pedestrian unfriendly areas on Earth) I am usually housebound. Not to mention the fact that the suburb I live in is extremely labyrinthian and one street bleeds into the others. But I am working on getting disability compensation and my partner has a desire for a career and is getting an on paper education, so the future seems bright so far! If you read all this I would like to thank you, it was very helpful to get this out.
TL;DR I'm a little different but want to make new friends with people who have had similar experiences and want to share them with me, cheers and have a great day!