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Too Early For Marriage?

S

SoberX

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 8, 2016
Messages
8
Basically I moved out at 15, bought my first place at 17, I'm 20 now and have been in a long term relationship with a woman my age for years now. She's also surprisingly both one year younger and more on top of things than even I am.

We REALLY want to get married but we're quite young. We've decided on an engagement next anniversary but still, age is one factor to consider.

The other factor is maturity. We may be exceptionally young but it's been more than 5 years of financial stability, independence and a clear demonstration of our ability to succeed in the real world.


The question is pretty simple. Are you too young to marry no matter how long you and your partner live like responsible adults with greater success than many far older than yourself?
 
its about whether they are the right person, age is secondary but important. its more like a barometer of shared goals.

if you have same life goals and work well as a team whats the problem
 
I feel like it's too young. I thought I would be with my ex girlfriend for life. I truly believed we would be the ones who made it, but that's not how it turned out. Truthfully, I'm so happy it happened even though I went through a serious heartbreak.

Her thing was that she worried about never having a relationship with anybody else and felt like she was missing out. She wanted to explore. We felt like we had outgrown each other when I was 25 and she was 23 after 8 years of dating.

I'm 27 now, and I met the most incredible woman after never thinking I could meet anyone else who I connect with on such a deep level. I consider her the love of my life and everything I ever wanted in a woman.

You obviously can gauge your situation better than I could, but your 20's are your years to be selfish and do what you want. You're only young once, and you don't want to look back and regret anything that you could have done. It'll eat you up.

Also - if you have a strong relationship, why rush for marriage? What will a title change that you don't have now? Security? Validation? If you love each other, that should be enough. Don't rush into something like marriage. Hope this helps.
 
If it's what you both want, no it's not too young. Decades ago people did marry at ages 18-20, and stayed married.
 
You may want to question yourselves if you are prepared to skip this great part of your lives by jumping into adulthood faster than 'you should'. I believe I know how you feel as I got married even younger than you and we went through beautiful although very difficult moments. I don't regret it but I do relate a lot of problems we had due to the fact I didn't really live through my 20s.

At some point you may realize you are more friends than lovers. And that's okay, but if you decide to have a child things can get tricky. And later in life you might be feeling like you have not fully lived your life. I am NOT suggesting not to pursue your happiness and marry who you love, just telling you that things change a lot, especially when you are that young.
 
I think it's a very individual situation. In your case it sounds like you have a very organized and well planned life so that is in your favor. My only concern is that your goals will change as you gain more life experience. I think your focus should be the compatibility of life's goals. If you do marry young you may want to have a reasonable prenup so you are both protected in the event that you drift apart later in life. It doesn't seem as though you're rushing marriage as you've already been together for years and are going to get engaged within the next year. Your time frame seems solid to me. I guess if you're really concerned about it consider why you want to be married - what are the benefits or is it the higher level of commitment that you find attractive?
 
What are you worried about? If you really want to get married... then do it.

If you have concerns... then share what they are. ("We're just too young".. isn't enough, be more specific).
 
It shouldnt matter when you get married because if you are meant to be together, it does mean until you die so if you get married tomorrow or in 10 years you would have been together that long anyway.
 
imo wait until u are both at least 26, what is the hurry? i am 23 and i'm so different from when i was 21, or 18. i think the human brain is at full dev at 26 or so. we can make plans for the future but we can't really plan for much realistically, life happens. this moment counts, enjoy it for what it is, people change so much esp at that age.
 
I got married young. It didn't work out. We still sleep together and she is one of my best friends. So is my second wife.....

I suppose if you are not inheriting money than no worries if you love each other. If you are loaded down the road, do a prenup.

Love is love. I find it rare in the modern world. I think its because people seek something forcefed to them by the media. Sounds like you are rather capable leaving home young. I did that too but right before I turned 17.

Maybe an engagement if you are unsure? The thing about that is she could want a fancy wedding and sounds like you can't afford it. Personally I think I will know when I find someone I want to be with forever. I kinda knew my marriages would fail but didn't give a flying fuck.
 
The question is not "are you too young to marry", but rather, do you understand what marriage is (and is not)?
 
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