hi guys its been a while since i have been on this site. staying away from the forum seemed the best idea.
Some of you remember me , some of you dont....
i was the original poster of "too anyone having these symptoms"
Heres a brief overview from my post
vision problems, feel like i was in a complete daze, everyone around me looked like they were moving too fast to catch up, couldnt grasp reality properly
anxiety/panic attacks (probably due to what the hell was going on)
complete utter short term memory loss, would think back to what i done during the day earlier and think " shit i cant even remember how the day went"
trying to think on a subject or equation was an absolute nightmare
had no motivation, thought i was losing my mind
dizzyness/felt weird turning my head
brain zaps during the day and when i went to sleep (only lasted a 10 days though)
a mild depersonalization/ but not that noticeable
Im not going to lie to you, the first year was the worst year i have ever had. The pain and upset of how i felt was unbearable, i would go to work with no motivation, just a robot following the daily chores of life. I would then go home and lay in my bed, watch television and wonder , just wonder how things went wrong, how my such great youth with friends, party's and motivation for life had crumbled into a feeling of doom.
The amount of times i cried myself to sleep i couldn't count on 2 hands. I was just mixed with dull emotions, angry with myself for doing so much on one night. Sad thinking will i ever be the same again?
Everyday i done this, every single fucking day. This lasted a good 18months maybe 20, i had a well il call it partner called dawglaw when it all started, we both got the same similar symptoms around the exact same time (nearer enough 1 week to each other). Each few days we would comment on how we felt, telling how our symptoms had changed or how we had managed. We both were worried, we both did't understand how to solve this, around 6-8 months went by and dawglaw had finally broke the chain, he finally managed to understand what to do to solve this mess...i did't.
When he explained his way of getting out, i couldn't understand it, i just did't understand how he had done it. He explained to me that he stopped caring, he forgot about how he felt all the time but i was too scared to be like that, i was too worried about how i felt to use his method. It was simple, i feared it but he did't, he managed to show his brain that he wasn't scared, and that my friend's is how you do it. These symptoms are not of a damaged brain, these are how your brain protects you.
Your brain went through some hard times when you were out partying that night or wherever you were. What did it do ? it switched on safe mode or what many call it (depersonalization/derealization). Its a defence mechanism, Your body has many of them to stay alive, this is one of them. Your subconcious mind picked up on your fear and anxiety, told your brain you need protecting....and guess what? there you are wondering why you have...
no emotions
feel dreamy
feel like your personality has been sucked out of you (it hasn't trust me, your still be the old you when you get out )
no motivation
feel like a robot going through the actions of life with no purpose
vision's messed up ( i actually admit i don't know why this happens....i just saw the patterns that if i feared it or got angry about it it would get worse)
These are just some of the symptoms i had, yours maybe different, they may be the same. As i said why do you have these feeling ?
Because your brain is not interested in having a good time at the moment, your brain is trying to help you stay alive. Why have i had it for so long you ask ? why have i had this for a year or 2 or 3 and nothing has changed? maybe you have only had it a month ? but this is because you haven't given your brain a chance to recover.
Your brain is just waiting for you too stop the fear, the worry , the anger so it can just regain its normal mental state. Everytime you worry and get angry about it your doing fight/flight mode. Anger is the fight, flight is the anxiety that beats you up everyday because of this hellhole your in. Wouldn't it make sense that if you stopped the anger, stopped the fear and got on with life no matter how you feel, your brain would't need to protect you? ....This is my point. When you go for a run , you sweat, your heart race increases, you start to breath heavier to supply more oxygen to the muscles. When you stop do you expect to keep breathing heavy ? do you expect to feel your heartbeat to keep racing? no. Its exactly the same with this, give your body a chance to recover, the more you worry the more you are running (hypothetically). Its about getting on with life , its about forgetting how you feel (i know its hard it took me the best of 3 months to work out how).
Now your going to have up's and downs i will promise you that. You may wake up one day and feel fuck its going ! then have a setback. This is completely normal in recovery, your get setbacks, its just how it works....one day you feel you can beat it and then a week goes by, you think "ahhh why is it not going" and then you start the process all over again. THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU DO!, i made that mistake so many times, i would feel like i could beat it then if it did't go after a week etc i would get angry and question it all over again. Just make progress, as you make progress your just know your getting better, once you know your getting a little bit better theres only one way to go with this right ? yup the way you were just doing it. Forget about it , get on with life, find something in life you love doing, save for something you always wanted. This was my motivation saving for a car which i am currently doing, it gave me such motivation to just get money so i can have my dream car, it occupied my mind.
Just do what you can to be active, distract your mind and do what you can , when you do this the power of depersonalization and the symptoms you have lose power, they become less caring to you. The setbacks will become less often , when this happens you know your in the right direction. Its about occupying your mind and becoming less caring on how you feel all the time, by doing this your giving your brain a break. When you start coming back , and you feel a glimmer one day of the old you, dont keep checking to see how you feel, see if its gone etc, just carry on going. Its hard trust me i know! , but keep trying and never give up, Get on with life and start living! the sooner you do that the less time your waste and the less time your be in this shithole.
Im not 100%, i only realised this shit about 3 months ago how to get out of this hellhole, it took a good 18-20months before i realised what i had to do. 4 months ago i was so pissed off with it all, so fed up , i would think about how i felt probably 20-25 times a day , checking how i feel. Then i took this advice ......now i only think about how i feel 4-5 times a day (6-7) on a bad day (tiredness, sleep is important!). Why? because my symptoms are so unnoticeable, when my mind is occupied with work and friends i hardly notice anything because it has dimmed down so much, thats how i know its going.
I read about a crippling anxiety sufferer who had all the symptoms of me and many others, he dp/dr and he just did't know what to do, he had it for nine years but couldn't understand what he had to do to get his life back. He then visited a old doctor of his, the doctor said something to him that changed his life forever and it made me change my thought pattern aswell. He said
"Your start getting better, when you stop trying to get better"
It just made me completely realise what i had to do. I just had to stop all the thought patterns and get out in the world and do normal stuff and stop all the worrying that was making my life hell. Once i done that , things got easier and easier , the setbacks got less and less , when this happens you know your going the right way.
I know im boring you with this long thread haha , i just wanted to get it out their because i know how many of you are feeling , its hell i been there many times throughout the last 2 years, i just want to give you that push you need that i couldn't get my head around. Whether you like it or not, you have anxiety, you may not think you do but you do , you just forgot how it feels to be calm, i thought the same thing.
Anyways if you have any questions feel free to ask , many others can help you on this site and help you through the horrible feelings mdma has caused for many so anyways
good luck and stay positive
Some of you remember me , some of you dont....
i was the original poster of "too anyone having these symptoms"
Heres a brief overview from my post
vision problems, feel like i was in a complete daze, everyone around me looked like they were moving too fast to catch up, couldnt grasp reality properly
anxiety/panic attacks (probably due to what the hell was going on)
complete utter short term memory loss, would think back to what i done during the day earlier and think " shit i cant even remember how the day went"
trying to think on a subject or equation was an absolute nightmare
had no motivation, thought i was losing my mind
dizzyness/felt weird turning my head
brain zaps during the day and when i went to sleep (only lasted a 10 days though)
a mild depersonalization/ but not that noticeable
Im not going to lie to you, the first year was the worst year i have ever had. The pain and upset of how i felt was unbearable, i would go to work with no motivation, just a robot following the daily chores of life. I would then go home and lay in my bed, watch television and wonder , just wonder how things went wrong, how my such great youth with friends, party's and motivation for life had crumbled into a feeling of doom.
The amount of times i cried myself to sleep i couldn't count on 2 hands. I was just mixed with dull emotions, angry with myself for doing so much on one night. Sad thinking will i ever be the same again?
Everyday i done this, every single fucking day. This lasted a good 18months maybe 20, i had a well il call it partner called dawglaw when it all started, we both got the same similar symptoms around the exact same time (nearer enough 1 week to each other). Each few days we would comment on how we felt, telling how our symptoms had changed or how we had managed. We both were worried, we both did't understand how to solve this, around 6-8 months went by and dawglaw had finally broke the chain, he finally managed to understand what to do to solve this mess...i did't.
When he explained his way of getting out, i couldn't understand it, i just did't understand how he had done it. He explained to me that he stopped caring, he forgot about how he felt all the time but i was too scared to be like that, i was too worried about how i felt to use his method. It was simple, i feared it but he did't, he managed to show his brain that he wasn't scared, and that my friend's is how you do it. These symptoms are not of a damaged brain, these are how your brain protects you.
Your brain went through some hard times when you were out partying that night or wherever you were. What did it do ? it switched on safe mode or what many call it (depersonalization/derealization). Its a defence mechanism, Your body has many of them to stay alive, this is one of them. Your subconcious mind picked up on your fear and anxiety, told your brain you need protecting....and guess what? there you are wondering why you have...
no emotions
feel dreamy
feel like your personality has been sucked out of you (it hasn't trust me, your still be the old you when you get out )
no motivation
feel like a robot going through the actions of life with no purpose
vision's messed up ( i actually admit i don't know why this happens....i just saw the patterns that if i feared it or got angry about it it would get worse)
These are just some of the symptoms i had, yours maybe different, they may be the same. As i said why do you have these feeling ?
Because your brain is not interested in having a good time at the moment, your brain is trying to help you stay alive. Why have i had it for so long you ask ? why have i had this for a year or 2 or 3 and nothing has changed? maybe you have only had it a month ? but this is because you haven't given your brain a chance to recover.
Your brain is just waiting for you too stop the fear, the worry , the anger so it can just regain its normal mental state. Everytime you worry and get angry about it your doing fight/flight mode. Anger is the fight, flight is the anxiety that beats you up everyday because of this hellhole your in. Wouldn't it make sense that if you stopped the anger, stopped the fear and got on with life no matter how you feel, your brain would't need to protect you? ....This is my point. When you go for a run , you sweat, your heart race increases, you start to breath heavier to supply more oxygen to the muscles. When you stop do you expect to keep breathing heavy ? do you expect to feel your heartbeat to keep racing? no. Its exactly the same with this, give your body a chance to recover, the more you worry the more you are running (hypothetically). Its about getting on with life , its about forgetting how you feel (i know its hard it took me the best of 3 months to work out how).
Now your going to have up's and downs i will promise you that. You may wake up one day and feel fuck its going ! then have a setback. This is completely normal in recovery, your get setbacks, its just how it works....one day you feel you can beat it and then a week goes by, you think "ahhh why is it not going" and then you start the process all over again. THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU DO!, i made that mistake so many times, i would feel like i could beat it then if it did't go after a week etc i would get angry and question it all over again. Just make progress, as you make progress your just know your getting better, once you know your getting a little bit better theres only one way to go with this right ? yup the way you were just doing it. Forget about it , get on with life, find something in life you love doing, save for something you always wanted. This was my motivation saving for a car which i am currently doing, it gave me such motivation to just get money so i can have my dream car, it occupied my mind.
Just do what you can to be active, distract your mind and do what you can , when you do this the power of depersonalization and the symptoms you have lose power, they become less caring to you. The setbacks will become less often , when this happens you know your in the right direction. Its about occupying your mind and becoming less caring on how you feel all the time, by doing this your giving your brain a break. When you start coming back , and you feel a glimmer one day of the old you, dont keep checking to see how you feel, see if its gone etc, just carry on going. Its hard trust me i know! , but keep trying and never give up, Get on with life and start living! the sooner you do that the less time your waste and the less time your be in this shithole.
Im not 100%, i only realised this shit about 3 months ago how to get out of this hellhole, it took a good 18-20months before i realised what i had to do. 4 months ago i was so pissed off with it all, so fed up , i would think about how i felt probably 20-25 times a day , checking how i feel. Then i took this advice ......now i only think about how i feel 4-5 times a day (6-7) on a bad day (tiredness, sleep is important!). Why? because my symptoms are so unnoticeable, when my mind is occupied with work and friends i hardly notice anything because it has dimmed down so much, thats how i know its going.
I read about a crippling anxiety sufferer who had all the symptoms of me and many others, he dp/dr and he just did't know what to do, he had it for nine years but couldn't understand what he had to do to get his life back. He then visited a old doctor of his, the doctor said something to him that changed his life forever and it made me change my thought pattern aswell. He said
"Your start getting better, when you stop trying to get better"
It just made me completely realise what i had to do. I just had to stop all the thought patterns and get out in the world and do normal stuff and stop all the worrying that was making my life hell. Once i done that , things got easier and easier , the setbacks got less and less , when this happens you know your going the right way.
I know im boring you with this long thread haha , i just wanted to get it out their because i know how many of you are feeling , its hell i been there many times throughout the last 2 years, i just want to give you that push you need that i couldn't get my head around. Whether you like it or not, you have anxiety, you may not think you do but you do , you just forgot how it feels to be calm, i thought the same thing.
Anyways if you have any questions feel free to ask , many others can help you on this site and help you through the horrible feelings mdma has caused for many so anyways
good luck and stay positive
