• BASIC DRUG
    DISCUSSION
    Welcome to Bluelight!
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Benzo Chart Opioids Chart
    Drug Terms Need Help??
    Drugs 101 Brain & Addiction
    Tired of your habit? Struggling to cope?
    Want to regain control or get sober?
    Visit our Recovery Support Forums
  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards | negrogesic

Trigger Warning To take or flush

Should I keep two pills for tonight or just throw them all

  • Throw them all immediately.

  • Keep two pills (200mg) but throw the rest away immediatley

Results are only viewable after voting.
Juicewrldfan

Juicewrldfan

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 10, 2022
Messages
1,360
So, still up but I haven’t been popping the modafinil. Or anything other than weed and kratom to try to help come down.

Even took trouble my Seroquel. No luck sleeping.

All that to say is I have to work today but I just feel the groggy be Seroquel does me without it giving me any rest. No way I can do it tonight. I get off at 11 tonight.

So I want to flush all the modafinil so I don’t abuse it again. I’m strong enough right now to but I think I should keep just enough like 1-2 pills (100mg each) to help
Me get thru the night of I need to.

Only way I can miss work and keep my job tonight is if I go to the hospital and I ain’t with that.
 
someguyontheinternet said:
Can you give the pills to someone else to hold on to?
Click to expand...
Good idea but nah. My wife killed all my friends so I have no RL friends anymore to ask. She is controlling and didn’t approve of friends that were not selling weed and guns. Yet ran with these guys for over a decade and they were real friends. We even fought once. Huge fight and I got DDT in the street but they called the cops over or wanted me to think they were on me cuz I was wouldn’t give up.

So we are still my people but too distant now to ask that.

My wife meh…hate to even deal with her alot of times. But no she won’t do it. I asked. She said it’s too
Much stress lol… so these are my options I think.
 
I'm the one vote so far.
I say keep the two just in case you need them for work, but definitely flush the rest.
And take only what you absolutely need to get thru your shift. Flush the rest.
 
jasperkent said:
I'm the one vote so far.
I say keep the two just in case you need them for work, but definitely flush the rest.
And take only what you absolutely need to get thru your shift. Flush the rest.
Click to expand...
Thanks man. Yeah im going to go do that now. Idk why it’s so hard to do when all it gives me is pure hell. My own little taste of hell.

I think it’s because it’s an illusion. It gives me the illusion that if o take this it will make me this or that when anymore all it does is make me have a taste of hell. The high is even hellish anymore. It’s like I’m addicted to suffering. Or a part of
Me is.
 
Juicewrldfan said:
My wife killed all my friends so I have no RL friends anymore
Click to expand...
I'm not supposed to have friends, either. Cept Roy.
As I get on in age I glimpse why this may be the case at times.
And a stable network of friends in charleroi rufkm, doc? Ha! Have you visited lately? 😅
I voted to trash them but maybe a late vote idk
 
Juicewrldfan said:
Good idea but nah. My wife killed all my friends so I have no RL friends anymore to ask. She is controlling and didn’t approve of friends that were not selling weed and guns. Yet ran with these guys for over a decade and they were real friends. We even fought once. Huge fight and I got DDT in the street but they called the cops over or wanted me to think they were on me cuz I was wouldn’t give up.

So we are still my people but too distant now to ask that.

My wife meh…hate to even deal with her alot of times. But no she won’t do it. I asked. She said it’s too
Much stress lol… so these are my options I think.
Click to expand...
Throw out the wife and maybe then the pills won't be such a problem anymore.

But seriously, what did you do?
How did work turn out?
Did you get some sleep?
 
I
lecroute said:
Throw out the wife and maybe then the pills won't be such a problem anymore.

But seriously, what did you do?
How did work turn out?
Did you get some sleep?
Click to expand...
flushed one of two stashes delaying was a mistake tho as I ended up taking the other stash so yeah no sleep since Sunday night but I’m at the hospital and they just gave me 2mg Ativan and I don’t take benzos so it should help.

Work likely mad but I got a doctors note nothing they can do with company policy stating just have to have a drs note so I’ll just step it up at work.

They are all gone now tho thankfully and I told my clinic that prescribed them I abused them.

Thanks for asking:)

You may be right about throwing out the wife. Toxic.

I have thought about that too like would I do this still if I didn’t have to cope with her.

Idk.
 
@Juicewrldfan you have to get off this merry-go-round dude. I wasn't able to get on the forums for a few days. I was sad to see that you've found another drug and have now abused that one compulsively. I don't normally come at people so directly. I just feel like you're desperately looking for help and support. I care about you like I care about all the people here. I see you're in pain and struggling. There is something going on in your life that needs to be addressed. I know you describe your current relationship as decidedly negative. If that is something holding you back, then you need to change it. Whatever is holding you back, you've gotta change it.

We've been talking in different threads for a little while now. In this time, it seems like you've bounced from one drug to another and that extreme compulsion characterizes each experience. I am not criticizing you. I just can see that you're miserable and none of these drugs are "fun" for you at all. I really think you need to do some soul-searching. Figure out what the factor is in your life that is bringing you back to this same point repeatedly.

Medications are not going to solve the problems you're needing to solve. Medication might be in order in the big picture of your life, but they are not THE solution. You need to figure out what medication actually contributes to your life in a positive way. You also need to figure out what aspect of your life is pushing you into these compulsive-dosing situations and fix it.

You can always message me, for advice, support or whatever. I've been through this just like you have. Sometimes having someone to talk to with the same experience is more valuable than you would ever expect it to be.
 
Juicewrldfan said:
So, still up but I haven’t been popping the modafinil. Or anything other than weed and kratom to try to help come down.

Even took trouble my Seroquel. No luck sleeping.

All that to say is I have to work today but I just feel the groggy be Seroquel does me without it giving me any rest. No way I can do it tonight. I get off at 11 tonight.

So I want to flush all the modafinil so I don’t abuse it again. I’m strong enough right now to but I think I should keep just enough like 1-2 pills (100mg each) to help
Me get thru the night of I need to.

Only way I can miss work and keep my job tonight is if I go to the hospital and I ain’t with that.
Click to expand...
Ive been taking modafinil for well over a decade and that is one drug ive found that alone doesnt really have much of a downside.

That said, I have had to kill the kratom habit, which turned out to be the most soul sucking substance ive found to date...at least in extract form.

Are you actually getting a high from modafinil that makes you want to abuse it? Or are you compensating rather than enhancing?

One thing I will say, is you can get into this bad bootloop when mixing kratom and uppers, even it they are partials, where you use one to counteract the bad effects of the others or use more to counteract the mute of the other. IMO this is why fentameth users go crazy and start seeing demons. Theres a ratcheting effect in these types of substances where you take a little more of one and then again the other and rinse/repeat. Soon you end up in psychosis.

I would not do anything to make yourself tippy life wise, (ie stopping CT unless you HAVE to) just know that kratom dependance and potential for poisoning is a real thing that will leave you in the gutter. Its not harmless.

I have major depression, which if left untreated leaves me way in the gutter as well. Substances are just a longer trip to the same place, but they can buy time.

My regimen is (1) 200mg modafinil half at 7am half at noon, one theanine serene at dawn one at noon, and one 200mg 5-htp at dawn and again at noon. This works immediately but really takes full effect at 60 day mark. Its so good i kept it secret for a decade.

I have mandatory "suffer days" on the weekends to reset. No negotiation. I stop it at noon on friday.

I havent followed your progression down the path of modafinil, but if you are finding yourself using moda compulsively, try switching to armodafinil for a while, its much less pronounced in felt effects at onset. You shouodnt be able to feel moda, if you do you are taking too much or its being muted by the kratom.

In my deduction, i found kratom was the problem, and have removed it from the picture.
 
Myeaaa said:
Ive been taking modafinil for well over a decade and that is one drug ive found that alone doesnt really have much of a downside.

That said, I have had to kill the kratom habit, which turned out to be the most soul sucking substance ive found to date...at least in extract form.

Are you actually getting a high from modafinil that makes you want to abuse it? Or are you compensating rather than enhancing?

One thing I will say, is you can get into this bad bootloop when mixing kratom and uppers, even it they are partials, where you use one to counteract the bad effects of the others or use more to counteract the mute of the other. IMO this is why fentameth users go crazy and start seeing demons. Theres a ratcheting effect in these types of substances where you take a little more of one and then again the other and rinse/repeat. Soon you end up in psychosis.

I would not do anything to make yourself tippy life wise, (ie stopping CT unless you HAVE to) just know that kratom dependance and potential for poisoning is a real thing that will leave you in the gutter. Its not harmless.

I have major depression, which if left untreated leaves me way in the gutter as well. Substances are just a longer trip to the same place, but they can buy time.

My regimen is (1) 200mg modafinil half at 7am half at noon, one theanine serene at dawn one at noon, and one 200mg 5-htp at dawn and again at noon. This works immediately but really takes full effect at 60 day mark. Its so good i kept it secret for a decade.

I have mandatory "suffer days" on the weekends to reset. No negotiation. I stop it at noon on friday.

I havent followed your progression down the path of modafinil, but if you are finding yourself using moda compulsively, try switching to armodafinil for a while, its much less pronounced in felt effects at onset. You shouodnt be able to feel moda, if you do you are taking too much or its being muted by the kratom.

In my deduction, i found kratom was the problem, and have removed it from the picture.
Click to expand...
Modafinil really does have a high if taken in extreme doses.

Of course it’s not worth it. I appreciate your suggestions but I can’t use any stimulants. I just can’t. I have to cease all stimulants
 
@Juicewrldfan I really think you should pursue something like 12-step meetings. People who know me know that a big part of my getting sober were the 12-steps, so of course I am somewhat biased. However, you can't deny that the 12-steps are inherently good due to the fact that those running the program do so for free, for no other motivation than first-hand knowledge of the pain and the desire to save others from it. Also, 12-step meetings are infinitely accessible. If you're in a city, they will typically have meetings 24 hours a day. Even if that doesn't work for you, there are virtual meetings that are literally going on at all times.

I think you need to have a place where you can speak honestly about how you feel and let others help you. Every day, think about how you feel, tell other people how you feel; we often isolate so much that we don't even realize how isolated we have become. Sometimes, we are utterly isolated from everyone and everything, even if we are around everyone and everything every single day.

My hope would be that by getting to a more stable, content place mentally, you could then reapproach the issue of medication from a more logical, methodical place. You could go to a meeting right now. Open up the computer, donate a measly hour of your your time and be honest with the people you meet. Honesty and freedom from isolation changed my life in ways I did not even realize I wanted them changed. I did not have the answers, as painful as that was to admit. I don't want you to have to live in the same misery that I lived in, so please, give this a try.
 
garygroundwork said:
I once flushed a stash.

Boy did I regret it a week or two later.

Just went and brought more. Basically through money down the drain.
Click to expand...
Sometimes it's necessary imo. Iv flushed multiple stashes did I regret it initially yes but in the end its all fugazzi. You'll get more $ and drugs.
 
Juicewrldfan said:
Modafinil really does have a high if taken in extreme doses.

Of course it’s not worth it. I appreciate your suggestions but I can’t use any stimulants. I just can’t. I have to cease all stimulants
Click to expand...
I was going to recommend stop all stimulant use, limit your drug intake and trigger drugs. Stims can wreck havoc on you in so many ways its crazy. You can bounce back quick tho just stop and focus on your health. You need fluids, rest your body, get some good sleep I'm talking a few weeks. You'll feel better.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top