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To Breed or Not to...

Winding Vines

Winding Vines

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 10, 2002
Messages
4,091
Breed. Have babies. Spawn. Multiply. Pass on genetic code. What are your thoughts, intrinsic feelings, notions, etc?

Consider this: What if you were the last family member that is capable of procreating from over 1,500 years of traceable royal lineage.

And the idea of extinguishing this is terrifying.

Other factors : You are physically healthy, mentally stable, financially stable, love children, and have a high IQ. Weighing in on lifestyle and coping skills as well.

Where I'm at: is convoluted and would appreciate some thoughts on this. I intrinsically know that all the history and measurable ingenuity/resilience that is my family, would die with me. I can't help but selfishly feel satisfied with the idea (as terrifying and potentially terrible it could be) that a part of me could be better than me. More intelligent, more resilient, more thoughtful, more self aware, more loving, more healthy. Struggle less. Do more. Be more. Feel more. Experience more. Live more. Be a part of more. Express more.

And know this person, you'd inherently want to support unconditionally.

A part of me knows this is true and a part of me fears that I so strongly believe such a thing and yet I cowardly know that I know nothing and have infinite flaws. So who am I to even consider such a thing as having children? To know that my love, the world's love, may never be enough.

I don't know but would love to hear your thoughts .
?
 
Breed simply to continue my family line - no.

Better yourself and don't expect that your brood will work on fixing your issues/flaws.
 
If you want kids, have them. There is really nothing else to say.
 
Having children is the most wonderful and most difficult thing in my life so far.

Note that my life has not lacked wonder (or difficulty).
I have lived in 4 countries, travelled to many more, been homeless, gotten advanced degrees including a PhD in the field I love, learned to play several musical instruments and speak several languages, given academic presentations in a dozen countries, gotten married, helped create a healthy relationship and stayed with my wife long-term, etc.
All of it was wonderful, or difficult, or both, and without having followed my passions in this way, I would have little to offer my kids as a parent, or as a human being.

But having kids blows all of that away. Not that it is easy, or always fun. But having these two amazing creatures in my life has enriched my experience here on this planet more than anything else.

Of course, I love them, but there is more to it than that. For instance, I have (re)discovered so many important facets of life due to my interactions with them.
It is hard to describe to someone without kids. But, let me simply say that **in the first minute after my first child was born** not only did I suddenly know how to love with many times the power that I had imagined was possible (just like the Grinch, whose heart grew three sizes on Christmas), but, seeing my wife almost die while giving birth to him, and watching as he was born, with an elongated blue head, looking in his eyes and seeing the spark of a full person in an infant's body, I learned, deeply, and all at once, what it means to be a human being.

I also understood, for the first time, my place as a link connecting the past and the future. I had not had trouble understanding this conceptually before becoming a father, but once I saw his face, I could somehow feel this at an experiential level.

I won't say more, because words don't do it justice, and there is a danger that my words might mislead you.

All I will say is: listen to your heart. If you want to try to have kids, I suggest you try. If you suspect that it's not for you, then you probably won't have the same type of experience as I had / am having.

(My experience was having kids with a wife I love / in a solid relationship, and though we were not yet in a good situation economically, I knew that once I finished school I would have a good chance to get a decent job, which is what ended up happening. Without a strong relationship for support and money (or at least prospects of making decent money), your experience might be vastly different.)
 
^ Great post.

I tossed about the thought of not having kids for as long as I could remember. I'm 27 now and a couple of people close to me have started having babies which I've been very excited about. I've always fucken luved me sum babies, and I genuinely enjoy spending time with kids, but I've never wanted my own.

To my horror and slight amusement, I got totally clucky for the first time last weekend. Like, I WANT ONE kinda clucky.

The idea of a family unit of my own has always greatly appealed to me. I was lucky enough to be raised in a big, happy family and I don't think the joy from any other life experiences could ever top so many of the ones with them. I'm very grateful for each one and hope I can experience more of that good family shit for the rest of my life.

When all the pieces of the puzzle are on the table I'll suffer for nine months of my life, cop stretch marks, destroy my vagina, and pop out some fat headed blobchild and hope for the best.

imma gunna be a breeder.
 
I come from a long line of drunkards, murders, grifters, mental illness, and all around scum bags; qnd i am the last of my line. My line dies with me.
 
No, I would not breed. I despise it. The world is overpopulated as it is; it's going to ACTUALLY be overpopulated soon enough. I could never put a child into this world knowing he/she would go through so much torture as well as participate in hurting the environment (as every human does, even if it's to different degrees, even if we try not to). If I ever feel some mothering desire, I will adopt, because there are tons of children who need homes. You do not need to give birth to be a parent. I do not care about continuing my line or whatever. Why are MY genetics so awesome? They aren't really. I don't think mine are better than others genetics. I don't think I should pass them on for that reason, it's too selfish.
 
slimvictor said:
Having children is the most wonderful and most difficult thing in my life so far.

All of it was wonderful, or difficult, or both, and without having followed my passions in this way, I would have little to offer my kids as a parent, or as a human being.

But having kids blows all of that away. Not that it is easy, or always fun. But having these two amazing creatures in my life has enriched my experience here on this planet more than anything else.

Of course, I love them, but there is more to it than that. For instance, I have (re)discovered so many important facets of life due to my interactions with them.

It is hard to describe to someone without kids. But, let me simply say that **in the first minute after my first child was born** not only did I suddenly know how to love with many times the power that I had imagined was possible (just like the Grinch, whose heart grew three sizes on Christmas), but, seeing my wife almost die while giving birth to him, and watching as he was born, with an elongated blue head, looking in his eyes and seeing the spark of a full person in an infant's body, I learned, deeply, and all at once, what it means to be a human being.

I also understood, for the first time, my place as a link connecting the past and the future. I had not had trouble understanding this conceptually before becoming a father, but once I saw his face, I could somehow feel this at an experiential level.

I won't say more, because words don't do it justice, and there is a danger that my words might mislead you.

All I will say is: listen to your heart. If you want to try to have kids, I suggest you try. If you suspect that it's not for you, then you probably won't have the same type of experience as I had / am having.

(My experience was having kids with a wife I love / in a solid relationship, and though we were not yet in a good situation economically, I knew that once I finished school I would have a good chance to get a decent job, which is what ended up happening. Without a strong relationship for support and money (or at least prospects of making decent money), your experience might be vastly different.)
Click to expand...

This is in fact quite true and indeed a vivid description.
 
^^Women who get c-sections prevent the damage to their vaginas. Not everybodyd gets stretch marks, fat, or varicose veins. Bottle feed and do not nurse and you will save your tits.

But either way, I don't see the appeal. When I was little, watching my pet dog drop puppies in the back yard (and lick up the bloody after-birth) showed me what it was like to be a biological entity (or human being quoted above). Other than the number of legs, there is no difference from the biological perspective.

Overwhelmingly in first world countries, educated people no longer reproduce. Teh only thing keeping the population stable is immigration.
 
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