Time is Against Me (Old and Ugly)

[Michael_25]

I'm getting old. I'm 37 now. When I joined Bluelight, I was this young 25-year-old motherfucker. My appearance has changed dramatically since then; my hairline has receded heavily; I have bags under my eyes that won't go away; I have crow's feet; my facial structure has changed for the worse.

I'm a bachelor. Most men my age are already married and have a few rugrats running around. Yet here I am, unable to even score a date as no girls show interest in me, besides basic, perfunctory kindness when greeted at the gym, shops, etc. I will only get worse with each passing year, each passing month, each passing week, each passing day ...

I fucked up my youth, when I had a full set of luscious hair and decent facial structure. If I could go back in time I'd tell my dumb ass to hit on girls, but I was too insecure back then. Hell, I'm even MORE insecure now given fucked-up face.

I'm not sure why I'm posting this. I suppose I would like to hear from people who have been in my position. And has anyone improved and turned his/her life around?

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

I remember that you did a thread a while back regarding working out and if it helped getting girls?
It sounds to me like you need to step out of your own head for a minute. I know what's it's like to run around in circles in there.

Have you thought about going and maybe talking to a professional about this? I'm making wild assumptions here, but your thought pattern as I've observed it could need some tweaking. I think you need to alter the way you view yourself - in doing so, others will too. You wouldn't believe how much that has to say.
The only solace I have to offer up is that I think you put way to much weight on surface. As men we're especially blessed since woman generally are much more mature than us and not as shallow. I'd go as far as saying the difference is like day and night between most men and women.

I wish I had some better advice, but I'm afraid I don't.

 

[CFC]

I'm 41 and haven't met anyone or had sex in 7 years now, and not entirely by choice. Despite that, I'm actually kinda good looking, decent body, and haven't really aged much, no wrinkles or even frown lines, only slightly receding hairline, friendly and somewhat charming when I need to be.

Ergo, I surmise that your problem may have roots in places other than just your physical appearance. Like, in your head, as with myself.

I'll let you know when I turn my life around, but I'm not sure other people will necessarily feature in that process.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I found the most fulfilling, loving, and sexually exciting romantic relationship of my life when I was about 46 and at least 20 kg overweight and only 6 months out of a psychotic break caused by stimulant abuse.

I just started corresponding with women online, met the ones who seemed interesting (about 1 in 5 and about 7 in total). She always said she was falling lin love with me before we actually met because of all the conversations we had (I was travelling so it was not possible to meet for about 6 weeks).

The thing is, I never doubted I had something worthwhile to offer a woman and I was careful to only spend time on women who seemed the type to be able to appreciate that.

 

[Fiori di Bella]

Michael, you have got to get that narrative, i.e., “I’m ugly, and undateable”, out of your head.

One of the coolest guys I’ve ever loved was probably a 4/10 in the looks department, but a 10 in personality. Especially as we age, looks matter less, and internal beauty matters most.

Maybe get a book, read articles, or frequent a website for people with low self-esteem. I think this would help you greatly, if you stick to it, and let the narrative grow to be one of self confidence, instead of your current self-assessment that you are physically hideous, and I think you’ll feel better.

 

[d3athadone]

^ So right.

Im a fat junkie and even I made a kid with a beautiful woman. It can be done. She loves me despite the fact that im 80 pounds over weight right now. Women are beautiful. They want a good partner more than just a hunk. Hunks get all the freaky sex you get the love and then the freaky sex into that.

 

[Fiori di Bella]

I love a man who doesn’t think they are the best looking thing in the world.

I don’t find men that are all, “Woe is me” attractive.

 

[d3athadone]

My honest guess. You are not used to women. Try making some women friends and not trying to sleep with them. Just to like I dunno get to know the opposite sex more.

Just the other day my mom was telling me about some of the weirdos shes dated, and men loved her. She said one of the cooler guys was a polio survivor with a limo company.

If your a truly sweet person you can find love.

 

[✿Dai₷y✿]

I'm getting old. I'm 37 now. When I joined Bluelight, I was this young 25-year-old motherfucker. My appearance has changed dramatically since then; my hairline has receded heavily; I have bags under my eyes that won't go away; I have crow's feet; my facial structure has changed for the worse.

I'm a bachelor. Most men my age are already married and have a few rugrats running around. Yet here I am, unable to even score a date as no girls show interest in me, besides basic, perfunctory kindness when greeted at the gym, shops, etc. I will only get worse with each passing year, each passing month, each passing week, each passing day ...

I fucked up my youth, when I had a full set of luscious hair and decent facial structure. If I could go back in time I'd tell my dumb ass to hit on girls, but I was too insecure back then. Hell, I'm even MORE insecure now given fucked-up face.

I'm not sure why I'm posting this. I suppose I would like to hear from people who have been in my position. And has anyone improved and turned his/her life around?

Heh, was 28 when I was joined up and turning 45 next month now.

So yeah, you're getting into middle age and your physical self is now on the decline, you won't be as attractive to who you might still be attracted to age wise (maybe), but its not just you so don't worry about it.

I wish you guys would be the ones to make the first moves, showing interest in anyone who doesn't have the confidence to meet them with eye contact wont work, just use a dating app and set up dates.


Ive approached a guy I know from years ago by asking of any coital acts or fellatio could be arranged, it was real smooth and he seemed to think it was possible.

Maybe suggest cunnilingus, who knows it could work.

 

[Joey]

You’ve made several thread like this over the past while. My man, the most attractive thing is in how you treat other people. It really is. People fall in love with other people, not magazine cutouts (unless they have a serious problem that is outside the point).

 

[Michael_25]

Good points, fellas. Unfortunately, refining your social skills and personality is harder than sculpting an Adonis-like body. Years of isolation has marred my interpersonal skills to the point where I can barely hold a conversation that ISN'T stilted.

I have seen some pretty decent-looking dudes at the gym. But that seems to be all they have going for them; their social skills seem off. (I've heard them talk to other gym members and they came off as awkward.) I think, no matter how "jacked" you are, if you're socially awkward, then girls most certainly don't want to have much -- if anything -- to do with you.

 

[Joey]

Good points, fellas. Unfortunately, refining your social skills and personality is harder than sculpting an Adonis-like body. Years of isolation has marred my interpersonal skills to the point where I can barely hold a conversation that ISN'T stilted.

I have seen some pretty decent-looking dudes at the gym. But that seems to be all they have going for them; their social skills seem off. (I've heard them talk to other gym members and they came off as awkward.) I think, no matter how "jacked" you are, if you're socially awkward, then girls most certainly don't want to have much -- if anything -- to do with you.

There's plenty of awkward girls as well. Are there any types of girls you'd be interested in outside the gym scene? From what I gather it is pretty dominating and superficial quite a bit of it. What other hobbies do you have? Maybe a girl from a different crowd would be worth a shot at talking to.

 

[Shady's Fox]

How can people use the word isolated like this? You know what isolation means? a hemertically sealed ''box''. You have ethernet access, no you pay it and then? Years of tearing daisy petals, that's what you and many millions across the globe are experiencing. I know something and it starts and it ends in this, if you can be evil then you can be good. Stay safe

 

[Michael_25]

There's plenty of awkward girls as well. Are there any types of girls you'd be interested in outside the gym scene? From what I gather it is pretty dominating and superficial quite a bit of it. What other hobbies do you have? Maybe a girl from a different crowd would be worth a shot at talking to.

Oh, when I said I try to make small-talk at the gym I didn't mean talking to females. I don't talk to any girls at the gym ... at all. I just TRY to shoot the shit with other dudes who lift.

As for my other hobbies, they are primarily solitary ones, and in addition they are ones that most girls aren't into.

How am I supposed meet other people, not just girls, with these things stacked against me?

 

[G_Chem]

Gym rats aren’t exactly known for their intellectual prowess and conversation skills. Plus as I said in your other thread, many are there to focus on exercise.

I think you put way too much thought into all this which shows on the surface when you interact with others. When those gym guys are “acting awkward” do you think they are self analyzing the shit out themselves like you are? Nope.

The couple of festivals I’ve gone to recently have told me one thing. We all feel a bit weird with social contact right now. We ALL have lost some peopling skills. We all are dealing with moments of awkwardness but normal people laugh it off and realize it will come back with time.

Take this opportunity to re-learn with the rest of us it starts with not giving a fuck.

Couple weekends ago I went out alone to an event and despite being a tripped out weirdo all by myself who didn’t fit into that particular crowd at all vibe/dress wise, spent a couple hours puking in my car, probably smelled like shit, I still had women after me. You wanna know why? Because I go through life owning who I am 110% and not looking for any affirmations from those around me. No matter who you are or how you look, that vibes is sexy as hell.
-GC

 

[Fiori di Bella]

As for my other hobbies, they are primarily solitary ones, and in addition they are ones that most girls aren't into.

How do you know your hobbies are not something girls would be into?

I love checking out planes, and I’m especially fond of Russian and Ukrainian Cargo aircraft, as well as American and German Cargo planes. I also enjoy seeing and reading about ships of all kinds.

What are your hobbies that you think girls wouldn’t be interested in?

Sometimes passions for things, (I have a ton of passion for my city’s history), is a turn on in itself, regardless of what you are passionate about.

Develop passions. Be really into things. I find that people come to me, because they think I know things. I earned the nickname “Earthquake Girl” at work because I had a link to Cal Tech’s Seismology Lab’s realtime data when earthquakes happened. People would come to me, or call me when we had an earthquake because they knew I’d have the details.

Your hobbies and passions don’t have to be attractive, cool or sexy, just develop some, be really into them and women will take notice.

 

[Joey]

How do you know your hobbies are not something girls would be into?

I love checking out planes, and I’m especially fond of Russian and Ukrainian Cargo aircraft, as well as American and German Cargo planes. I also enjoy seeing and reading about ships of all kinds.

What are your hobbies that you think girls wouldn’t be interested in?

Sometimes passions for things, (I have a ton of passion for my city’s history), is a turn on in itself, regardless of what you are passionate about.

Develop passions. Be really into things. I find that people come to me, because they think I know things. I earned the nickname “Earthquake Girl” at work because I had a link to Cal Tech’s Seismology Lab’s realtime data when earthquakes happened. People would come to me, or call me when we had an earthquake because they knew I’d have the details.

Your hobbies and passions don’t have to be attractive, cool or sexy, just develop some, be really into them and women will take notice.

Here is something I can point out too. I do not give a flying fuck about these interests in planes and cargo and stuff but when she talks about it it’s interesting because SHE is interested. Your actual hobbies probably aren’t the biggest issue as esteem to show people what you like. That’s pretty much Communications 101.

 

[Shady's Fox]

Why you're shitin on planes and cargo? Planes are amazing, especially the legend 26 f 177

 

[plumbus-nine]

I spent most of my adolescence/young adult life hating myself and absolutely convinced that I'd to be ugly because of the reactions I earned - my complete school time was coined by bullying for example, I didn't experience anything like friendship before maybe the age of 19 and still/again am left completely alone, just to find out that it was all in my mind (and in that of this fucked up boy who happened to be the son of a very influency rich asshole who never had time for him) and that I actually looked pretty handsome. On old pictures I even see it myself. But if I learned something about appearance then it's how subjective it is. Drugs showed me both extremes with myself as well as others, somehow I still can't believe it but it's entirely possible that person A finds you ugly and pale while B might fall in love with you just from seeing you every now & then. This is stronger even than the sadly undeniable impact of ageing, I've seen people 70+ having success with girls in their 20ies just because that guy had energy like the literal Duracell.. I know I'll be angry at myself in future because I think now of all of the youth's gift to be gone and me too left being old and ugly (I'm approaching my 35, and put on like 20kg because opiates fucked my testosterone/prolactin levels, also dark bags below the eyes from too many sleepless nights etc..) - still, somebody else might see you entirely different.

Somehow I'd say appearance really doesn't matter that much when it comes about success with dating. Depending on what you see as success and individual factors at least. But of course it influences the character and that is what's relevant, yet it also means that you can take more control. Dissociatives make good reflecting aids.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

I spent most of my adolescence/young adult life hating myself and absolutely convinced that I'd to be ugly because of the reactions I earned - my complete school time was coined by bullying for example, I didn't experience anything like friendship before maybe the age of 19 and still/again am left completely alone, just to find out that it was all in my mind (and in that of this fucked up boy who happened to be the son of a very influency rich asshole who never had time for him) and that I actually looked pretty handsome. On old pictures I even see it myself. But if I learned something about appearance then it's how subjective it is. Drugs showed me both extremes with myself as well as others, somehow I still can't believe it but it's entirely possible that person A finds you ugly and pale while B might fall in love with you just from seeing you every now & then. This is stronger even than the sadly undeniable impact of ageing, I've seen people 70+ having success with girls in their 20ies just because that guy had energy like the literal Duracell.. I know I'll be angry at myself in future because I think now of all of the youth's gift to be gone and me too left being old and ugly (I'm approaching my 35, and put on like 20kg because opiates fucked my testosterone/prolactin levels, also dark bags below the eyes from too many sleepless nights etc..) - still, somebody else might see you entirely different.

Somehow I'd say appearance really doesn't matter that much when it comes about success with dating. Depending on what you see as success and individual factors at least. But of course it influences the character and that is what's relevant, yet it also means that you can take more control. Dissociatives make good reflecting aids.

This really is true. If one can get past the outside, they can discover great things on the inside.