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Addiction Tightening the Screws

Captain.Heroin said:
Have you thought about why people don’t use meth, even if they really like it?

I never had paranoia or psychosis from using meth but I’m better off not using meth every day.

If I kept up with the pace I was on, I would have had chronic high BP. Wears out your body prematurely.

You only want it so badly because it has overstimulated your reward pathways. It’s important not to let your brain physiology/neurochemistry play you like a fool.
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It's insane.
 
It's true. I really liked methamphetamine, but never felt dependent or addicted to it. Everyone's brain physiology and neurochemistry is unique.

Heroin is what really did it for me. I enjoyed the high but it also totally overstimulated my reward pathways and at a few points in my life it was all I wanted. I thought and believed the same things about "it's all I want" and I could identify it when you said it.

Eventually I got sick of being played by myself (feels worse than being played by someone else) and I'm glad I pulled myself out of it.
 
Got back into outpatient. Had a major relapse on GHB and meth. 5 days sober and completely devoid of motivation or initiative.
 
I can always tell my psyches getting back to normal when I meet my femanine in my dreams. True love with a perfect woman in my dreams always happens when I unconsciously want to be sober again
 
Sober idea :

Instead of spending a hundred a week on crystal il just get a fuckin opulent steak every week
 
That's not a bad idea cyberius. Also just saving the money might be a good idea too.
 
cj said:
That's not a bad idea cyberius. Also just saving the money might be a good idea too.
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I need to fill this pointless existence with some form of instant mindless gratification or may as well be using
 
About 10 days sober,

Why is recovery getting harder by the day? Completely depressed
 
Burning myself with cigarettes is a hobby I'm strangely getting fond of.

I can't wait to get out of this program so I can blow lines of crystal meth
 
I haven't changed at all in 5 months

pretty disillusioned about sober life tbh
 
I need to get high so fucking bad

I'd off myself without crystal in my life

Only source of motivation is meth
 
cyberius said:
About 10 days sober,

Why is recovery getting harder by the day? Completely depressed
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Makes complete sense and follows very well with my experience and the experiences of the authors' of the literature of both major 12-step fellowships...Clean or Sober with no adequate replacement for the substance is far more painful and difficult to endure than the using. Want some relief? Learn to live differently. Application of steps in my life has allowed me to do that. I don't believe the steps have a monopoly on roadmaps to living differently, but they certainly are one avenue.

It seems like you have tried other widely excepted avenues to learn how to live differently: Medicine, psychiatry, et al. I have yet to hear you share of any step-work. Maybe this journey requires a path inward. If I didn't do anything different it was no shock when I continued to get the exact same results.

**EDIT
Nothing was more depressing for me than coming to grips with the understanding that the only thing that had ever provided me any relief in my life was no longer working. I was no longer willing to endure what it did to me in exchange for what it did for me. I would be more concerned if you weren't depressed in the absence of the only solution you have ever known. However, There is another solution. There are people who can help you. It will require doing lots of things that don't sound like good ideas. Lots of things against your habituated thinking patterns.
 
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