Thoughts on life, reality, perception, the ego, something, and nothingness?

[kingkpin]

Ever since I began experimenting with heavy mind altering drugs, my perception of reality has changed drastically. I feel as if my views on the world would be considered insane by most, but I feel as though in the current body I inhabit, I've reached a high level of consciousness; which many would not understand.

It feels like I'm experiencing a dream at almost all times, almost a constant state of lucidity, a feeling of surrealism to my environment around me. I've also been very de-realized ever since my last DMT trip, it's as if after being exposed to what the drug had to offer, it ripped the veil off of reality, showing me a truer version of what it is, visually and mentally. At first this was all very terrifying to me, the entire experience of losing ones ego, the thing that made "you" unique, it really is scary at first. I've slowly been coming to terms and realizing what it is, and I'm okay with death now. Now that I have a better understand of: not what life IS, but what life IS NOT.

I can no longer watch television and fully enjoy it anymore, I look past the act and see just another human pretending to be someone he's not, it's part of the individuals job. On top of that I'm not even witnessing an actual person, just a capturing of his light in multiple places, and played quickly side-by-side to create the illusion of fluid movement. This is weird shit that I think about too often, I used to be uncomfortable and would actually panic due to it, but now I'm okay with it because there's nothing else I can really do.

The more I think on life, the more unreal it becomes, and the more I feel like I'm just a machine in a simulation with the illusion of consciousness. Which is the truth really, once the shades have been taken off, there is no unseeing what has been witnessed. It was my experimentation with shrooms that exposed the Fibonacci sequence to me. Ever since mushrooms, I've always had pattern recognition to see the way in which nature grows and spirals, the fractals are in literally everything. Prior to me being able to recognize this "code" everything was just static to me, I was living life in my head, blinded by media, and the redundancy of everyday life; I'd never thought to question why.

The more I tripped, and the more I thought, the deeper I plunged into my quest for the "truth". It was my final DMT trip though that really made me question everything. "Me", "I", "You", suddenly these all became concepts, the ego I had possessed had completely dissipated. This is the time when reality quickly became an illusion to me, looking at everything from the veins in my arms, to the branches of a tree, to the shape of the entire cosmos. This odd unison of eternity all started coming together, and my significance within this reality quickly dropped to nothing. I used to get severe panic attacks from over-thinking these things, but I've come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter. I now know that I'm merely another organism, and I'm self-aware of my own mortality, and my own limitations of knowledge as a human-being. The thought of that terrified me originally, but the thought came in "this is how it is, why panic?" and furthermore, "this is how it always has been, only difference is now you know".

So is there a continuum of consciousness, just eternally flowing? Are we just machines with the illusion of consciousness? Is there a spirit? God? Or is this all a dream? I know that none of us will ever know the answer to these questions while alive. Sure, during my DMT trip I knew, I knew everything, it all made sense "oh shit I forgot, this is the place". The "place" where everything was nothing, and nothing was all, you, me, I, us, we, all of what we call existence was contained within this void. It's hard to tell if it was an actual truth I had witnessed, or if it was a fragment of my imagination and my brain saying "hey look I'll convince myself this is the answer". What is real? Why something instead of nothingness?

The entire concept of time is completely gone for me, there no longer is time, just the idea of it. As I continually get older "time goes by faster", which helped me to realize that time isn't even real, all that there is, is now. But who knows? Anything is possible right? Maybe everything is happening all at once, the beginning, middle, and the end. The brain just needs a way to process this in an orderly fashion so that our reality can be comprehensible.

I am also firmly against the belief in a typical view of what God is, for me we are God. God is the encompassment of everything, consciousness, death, life, experience, being, and nothing. We are all one it seems, and always have been from the start. Although it doesn't make sense to come from nothing, and go towards something (or nothing), but it doesn't have to make sense. Humans want sense out of everything because it is needed for them to understand a concept. But it's something that defies language and logic. There doesn't have to be a reason or a way to anything just because we want it to. I'm just happy to be an observer of this intricate world, this is truly THE experience. Make the most of it, it's the only thing you can do.

Please share any ideas, beliefs, or thoughts you have if you read through this weird ramble. I'd like to see what others think of reality, to possibly add to my beliefs, or to just give me and others something to think about.

 

[SmokingAces]

I feel you man, I felt this after blasting DMT too. It's my belief that people, animals, trees, aliens or whatever other living organisms all operate on different frequencies, like how what we see and our dogs see is the world in two different lights. The DMT seems to allow the human brain to operate on another frequency or reality. Drugs tend to make me consider all this alot more, drugs like acid, DMT, 4-aco-dmt, 2c's, ketamine, even MDMA to an extent I appreciate it all much more. The thing is I also quite like this reality and I feel too much time dwelling on all that means you get less accomplished in the "real" world.

 

[-=SS=-]

So is there a continuum of consciousness, just eternally flowing? Are we just machines with the illusion of consciousness? Is there a spirit? God? Or is this all a dream? I know that none of us will ever know the answer to these questions while alive. Sure, during my DMT trip I knew, I knew everything, it all made sense "oh shit I forgot, this is the place".

There's a slight contradiction in this part, and I think it highlights the problem with associating 'truth' through the psychedelic experience. Intuitive impressions are very real and tangible, but the mind wants to grab and package them in whatever way it can to ensure it continues to flow without difficulty, which leads to misinterpretation, exaggeration and distortions. Psychedelics add a layer of confusion, they don't remove one. If you really knew everything you would have no more doubts.. that is what enlightenment is.. and why DMT is not it; there's plenty of people who believe it is, as evidenced by googling. This is a mistake IMO. I'm pretty sure the DMT experience is what is referred to as the astral dimension, a kind of bardo. I've been there through both DMT and meditation.

The thing is, if you weren't exposed to all these spiritual concepts and such prior to taking DMT, would you have come to the same conclusions?..

DMT is quite a visually beautiful experience. I do think it is dangerous to take your feet too far off the ground though.. don't go chasing clouds too much. Look up once in awhile and ponder, but keep your feet firmly planted. The truth is where you are now, you don't need to go chasing phantoms in the sky.

I would also challenge your "I'm OK with death now". I had the same thought to begin with.. and it's why I think the beginnings of a DMT experience are probably similar to a real death experience. But OK with death? Really? Is that a concept you've built, or is that actually the truth? I bet if you actually started to die many things would rush forward in your mind and you would wish you had some more time.. because actually the real questions remain unanswered, and that's why the "I knew everything in DMT land" is kind of an intuitive impression that the mind has grasped.. but it wasn't actually that deep.

Not trying to be a dick here.. just stirring you up a bit, food for though My only advice to you would be, don't touch it again.. that space is an ocean we know next to nothing about and I really do think people in the psychedelic community underestimate the potential for mental and psychic damage from using DMT (and psychedelics in general). Going totally sober would do you some good too.. give it a couple of years of soberness and notice how your thoughts and concepts change. You'll learn just as much, and unlike the DMT experience.. it will stay with you because you became that change, you didn't just glimpse it.

 

[Xorkoth]

I've had that "waking up" out of subjective reality trip too, my very first one actually. I actually put those words to it too, "oh right, THIS is the place, how odd I had forgotten". That was 14 years ago now. For a while I experienced some existential distress because of it, since having an experience like that irrevocably changed the way I perceive almost everything in life. Over the years though I've become really happy with where I am. Life IS just a dream, in a sense... we're running around operating a physical body that has many perceptual limitations and experiences itself subjectively even if it becomes aware that subjectivity is an illusion. You can't escape that except for brief moments. So what I do now is celebrate the beautiful thing that is human subjective existence. I go through my days comfortably, interacting with the world and reveling in being an individual in a world of individuals who are all also "me". I'd be careful of trying to devalue the ego or "mundane" regular life. Having an ego is part of being human, we're supposed to have that right now, it's the point, for the universe to experience itself subjectively. Psychedelics have helped me to be better at keeping conscious oversight of my ego and moderating my impulses to achieve greater harmony with myself and others, but I see a disturbing trend among many on here who've had this type of experience to start to become obsessed with the idea that the ego is a bad thing. It's not, it's just "you", it's neither good nor bad, it just is, and it should be embraced as the beautiful thing it is.

I'd also beware of becoming egotistical about it.... it's another trap I've seen numerous people fall into. You have this kind of paradigm-shifting experience and you start to look down on "normal" people, "normal" things... you start to elevate yourself above others, as enlightened, while they're ignorant. I'm not saying you're doing this but I've seen it a lot. Despite the experience I had, despite me being confident in the gist of it being true, in reality I know nothing. None of us knows anything about what comes after this life, or the nature of the universe or consciousness. No one can know that during life. There are many kinds of wisdom and having a spiritual awakening or taking psychedelics is far from the only way to have it. And ordinary daily life is a beautiful thing too. Every moment is beautiful if you are present in the moment and right with yourself. I see people trying to distance themselves from ordinary activities after getting into psychedelics, and I don't think that's healthy.

I mention all these things because it sounds like this is a very recent thing and I tried to think of tips for navigating the integration of this experience. For me, it was at times kind of rough, at first I felt like it was hard to operate in the "real world". Then I started feeling like I couldn't relate to other, "normal" people. I worked through that stuff and now I'm the happiest and most centered I've ever been. I always feel psychedelic now whether I'm tripping or not, because I have so thoroughly integrated my experiences into my personality and belief structure. I'm really busy doing stuff I love (using art and music to spread the feeling and message and bring good things into the world) and almost all of what I choose to see in the world around me is positive. You had an experience that has the potential to become many things for you, but it's within your power to use it in a very positive way. Just stay diligent with yourself, keep a foot on the ground, and keep participating in life.

 

[Foreigner]

OP, what you write, honestly, reads as mind. There is a lot of ego involvement happening for something you claim is an awakened experience. On one level you are seeing through everything and seeing the emptiness, but at the same time there is a lot of mind overlaying it in order to identify the experience. At some level you have been made aware of the truth but the process isn't complete because a great deal of what you're describing is conceptual. You're also going off on a lot of tangents, wanting answers.

Awakening means that there is only right now. Everything else is released or surrendered, including the mind's obsession with narratives and story telling. Yes, the mind can still do its little tricks, but all experiences sink back into the awakened state, like a basement-level consciousness. It's something you feel in your body, there's no mind involvement. Mind can never understand it.

Oneness is easy to understand and experience, because you're always part of it. The hardest and most painful part is the ego death that tends to happen when a person fully awakens to themselves as an individual embodiment of this oneness. It's hard to come to terms with one's lack of true substance, and the death of all its supportive narratives. There's great freedom underneath though, in the emptiness.

I believe psychedelics can be a vehicle for awakening in those who are ready, otherwise it just grants conceptual awareness of the truth without the embodied, surrendered experience. In other words, it's kind of a back door that lets you see what enlightenment might feel like, without having to abandon your ego permanently. It's why people get hooked on psychedelics... if they do it one more time, maybe they'll get that much closer to the truth. But the truth is that there's zero distance between you and the truth. It's always there, you're just holding onto stuff that prevents you from seeing it. The problem with psychedelics is that because they create more conceptual layers, and not necessarily embodied ones, it can really feed the mind with many, many more delusions. Awakening is not about acquiring anything, it's total surrender. It's an implosion to your most basic, ground state of awareness. Psychedelics give the impression that there's somewhere else to go, or some secret behind the veil. There isn't anything, no special technique, no trickity trick. It requires you to do nothing to get it.

About death. You may not fear death conceptually but your body will react to it. Even enlightened people will struggle if they're being killed. The animal body is incredibly resilient and hard fast to survive no matter what, even if the resident ego wants to die. I speak from personal experience on that one too, btw. As for awakening.... it's spontaneous. Can't even tell you what the formula for achieving it is. I've met a few awakened people in my life and their stories are all totally random. One thing they all share in common is the intense pain of their identity being destroyed by the truth. Everyone is willing to feel the fluffy nice blissful stuff about spirituality but then step away when they get too close to the truth of their own emptiness, as an experience.

 

[thujone]

very zen, Foreigner-san. best thing acid taught me was how subjective reality could be. i learned that nothing is truly absolute. it's both a terrorizing and a liberating notion. the status quo always dies in the end, but what is born from its ashes?

 

[kingkpin]

There's a slight contradiction in this part, and I think it highlights the problem with associating 'truth' through the psychedelic experience. Intuitive impressions are very real and tangible, but the mind wants to grab and package them in whatever way it can to ensure it continues to flow without difficulty, which leads to misinterpretation, exaggeration and distortions. Psychedelics add a layer of confusion, they don't remove one. If you really knew everything you would have no more doubts.. that is what enlightenment is.. and why DMT is not it; there's plenty of people who believe it is, as evidenced by googling. This is a mistake IMO. I'm pretty sure the DMT experience is what is referred to as the astral dimension, a kind of bardo. I've been there through both DMT and meditation.

The thing is, if you weren't exposed to all these spiritual concepts and such prior to taking DMT, would you have come to the same conclusions?..

DMT is quite a visually beautiful experience. I do think it is dangerous to take your feet too far off the ground though.. don't go chasing clouds too much. Look up once in awhile and ponder, but keep your feet firmly planted. The truth is where you are now, you don't need to go chasing phantoms in the sky.

I would also challenge your "I'm OK with death now". I had the same thought to begin with.. and it's why I think the beginnings of a DMT experience are probably similar to a real death experience. But OK with death? Really? Is that a concept you've built, or is that actually the truth? I bet if you actually started to die many things would rush forward in your mind and you would wish you had some more time.. because actually the real questions remain unanswered, and that's why the "I knew everything in DMT land" is kind of an intuitive impression that the mind has grasped.. but it wasn't actually that deep.

Not trying to be a dick here.. just stirring you up a bit, food for though My only advice to you would be, don't touch it again.. that space is an ocean we know next to nothing about and I really do think people in the psychedelic community underestimate the potential for mental and psychic damage from using DMT (and psychedelics in general). Going totally sober would do you some good too.. give it a couple of years of soberness and notice how your thoughts and concepts change. You'll learn just as much, and unlike the DMT experience.. it will stay with you because you became that change, you didn't just glimpse it.

Notice how later I posed "Was it a real revelation, or just my brain convincing itself?" something along those lines. I'm not saying a chemical is the answer to the universe, I was just using that as an example as to what life could possibly be, and how confusing it all is. And honestly it depends on the day when it comes to death, in the end it depends on how I go. I can easily say now "I dont give a fuck if I die", but if a man were to run into my room with a gun and put it to my head and tell me I had 5 minutes left, I'd bawl my fucking eyes out. If I were given a deadline from a disease I had, and was given time to come to terms with it, then yes I'd accept death much easier. It all just depends, no one wants to die, but I've come to the conclusion in my head that this is all it is. In my head. The beauty of it is that my vessel is a part of the eternity of nothing, yet I've become a single observer of this world. It is all an illusion, but a wonderful one at that once the ego has vanished, and all has been accepted. I don't allow this thought at all times though, in able to function within the illusion I obviously have to numb my mind to do the everyday grind: work, school, parties, ect... at the end of the day it's when I have time to reconnect with the reality of "reality". I have no desire to ever do DMT again, within my trip I had accepted I was dying, and it was terrifying. "How did this happen, was I ever alive, was anything real, what is real, did I overdose, am I having a seizure, what is this, I want to be alive again, I don't want to die yet" the literal thoughts at the end of my trip. I haven't touched it in quite a few months and turned to opiate abuse, and benzos to cope with whatever the fuck DMT was, I'm slowly coming off and returning to whatever normal is but my thought process will never change after that.

 

[malakaix]

For me personally, the resulting six years following an intense DMT experience has felt like one long process of dissolving of layers.. witnessing your whole reality collapse within the bubble of an isolated experience is certainly intense and mind-shattering, but experiencing it in a slow every-day period over many years put's you in a state of perpetual annihilation.

I have recently found myself becoming more aggressive with asserting my self and defending my personal values to which I feel identified with, because I fear on an inner level I am sinking deeper into my own emptiness.

 

[swilow]

It is interesting that so many people report the same things after taking DMT. But, no-one seems to be able to take it all the way, or make something useful of it. Its always fragmented and incomplete and often causes people difficulty in integrating. I used to worship DMT as a true magickal vehicle, something that was meaningful and real and profound in and of itself. I forgot that it is only when DMT interacts with the human mind that anything really happens. DMT is the catalyst, the fuel, but the mind is the vehicle. Its the mind that will take you places.

I've almost ceased my use of such drugs as DMT, salvia, 5-Meo-DMT, DPT, drugs that are short acting catapaults to infinity. I deeply question whether they are beneficial. They last for such a short time, they are so overwhelming, there is no follow up, they just fuck you and leave :D

Ayahuasca is really the only form I take DMT in these days, and it is incredibly irregular. I've no real wish for more traumatic and useless experiences. They can make for good stories, and they might feel 'good', but they don't really change anything for the better. Given that, I can't see the point in continuing down that path. Though I still take 5-MeO-DMT when the mood strikes; it terrifies me and I wonder how much good terror can really be.

I have recently found myself becoming more aggressive with asserting my self and defending my personal values to which I feel identified with, because I fear on an inner level I am sinking deeper into my own emptiness.

Does this bother you? I ask because I admire people who defend themselves and their viewpoints, regardless of the reason. I'm pretty sick of beige neutrality. Its not functionally possible to remove an aspect of the mind (IMO), and I am unsure whether such a thing is even worthwhile, were it possible. I rather people are interesting individuals rather then carbon copy psychonauts "discovering" the same revelatory truths.

The psychedelic community seems to dismiss the ego and personhood as if such things are bad. Its a contradiction, that we should lose our bad ego when it is the ego that imposes value and discriminates. Far from being something that we should destroy, I tend to believe we should be aware and work with our ego. Egoloss is pure nihilism, no frame of refertence, no possible way to make any objective inference. I think that a healthy ego finds meaning in the world, can be prideful and value the world. Without it, what's the point, who are you.

 

[malakaix]

Does this bother you? I ask because I admire people who defend themselves and their viewpoints, regardless of the reason. I'm pretty sick of beige neutrality. Its not functionally possible to remove an aspect of the mind (IMO), and I am unsure whether such a thing is even worthwhile, were it possible. I rather people are interesting individuals rather then carbon copy psychonauts "discovering" the same revelatory truths.

I actually find it quite invigorating, to feel so much energy behind a particular viewpoint or value that the need to defend or assert it arises. It's certainly a side of myself I've never explored and to be honest it's somewhat confronting, I've always associated that behaviour with 'ego' especially during my psychedelic years so it was often dismissed both in myself and others. But I have travelled a long existential road in that time, often coming to the same conclusion over and over again that all meaning and value is entirely subjective and there is no inherent objective purpose.. and this leads into existential nihilism, as you said: no frame of reference, no objective inference.

This is a shit place to be long-term, and I think people only spend as much time here until there ready to take full responsibility for their life, you can exist in that place and state how nothing matters.. but ultimately you and you alone are telling the story; how long will it take before you get bored of that story? It's like.. wake up, it's all in front of you. You're in charge.. you decide what has value and what doesn't, what is meaningful and what isn't.. and when you do, that system will be rock-solid because it was literally built from nothing upwards.

I think there's something to be said for those who are driven by passion and fire for what they believe in, it must be such a cathartic experience.

 

[bdomihizayka]

OP, what you write, honestly, reads as mind. There is a lot of ego involvement happening for something you claim is an awakened experience. On one level you are seeing through everything and seeing the emptiness, but at the same time there is a lot of mind overlaying it in order to identify the experience. At some level you have been made aware of the truth but the process isn't complete because a great deal of what you're describing is conceptual. You're also going off on a lot of tangents, wanting answers.

QFTT

You have great conceptual understandings of sacred teachings from Buddhism, Taoism, philosophers, New Agers, etc.... BUT that's also the problem- you're seeing all of this as a concept and not living it. If you could live what you preached, you'd be void of suffering. Easier said than done, as I too understand all this and see it all as concepts yet, but if you put in some work/ meditation practice, this could lead to great places.

It sounds like you're in the "intermediate zone" which is " a dangerous and misleading transitional spiritual state between the ordinary consciousness and true spiritual realization. Spiritual aspirants may pass through an intermediate zone where experiences of force, inspiration, illumination, light, joy, expansion, power, and freedom from normal limits are possible. These can become associated with personal aspirations, ambitions, notions of spiritual fulfillment and yogic siddhi, and even be falsely interpreted as full spiritual realization. One can pass through this zone, and the associated spiritual dangers, without harm by perceiving its real nature, and seeing through the misleading experiences. Those who go astray in it may end in a spiritual disaster, or may remain stuck there and adopt some half-truth as the whole truth, or become an instrument of lesser powers of these transitional planes. According to Aurobindo, this happens to many sadhaks and yogis"

 

[bdomihizayka]

The psychedelic community seems to dismiss the ego and personhood as if such things are bad. Its a contradiction, that we should lose our bad ego when it is the ego that imposes value and discriminates. Far from being something that we should destroy, I tend to believe we should be aware and work with our ego. Egoloss is pure nihilism, no frame of refertence, no possible way to make any objective inference. I think that a healthy ego finds meaning in the world, can be prideful and value the world. Without it, what's the point, who are you.

Egoloss is definitely not nihilism. According to the Mahayana teaching of sunyata, beings and things have no intrinsic existence in themselves. All phenomena come into being because of conditions created by other phenomena. Thus, they have no existence of their own and are empty of a permanent self. There is neither reality not not-reality; only relativity.

This emptiness is not nihilistic. All phenomena are void of self-essence, but it is incorrect to say that phenomena exist or don’t exist.

Form and appearance create the world of myriad things, but the myriad things have identity only in relation to each other. Beyond identity, shunyata is an absolute reality that is all things and beings, unmanifested.

 

[swilow]

^Interesting post there. Personally, I don't follow the doctrines of Buddhism but I find some of the teachings to be quite beautiful. I like the idea of 'the void'. I've spent some time trying to gaze into it's depths...

But, I do have some questions.

Egoloss is definitely not nihilism. According to the Mahayana teaching of sunyata, beings and things have no intrinsic existence in themselves. All phenomena come into being because of conditions created by other phenomena. Thus, they have no existence of their own and are empty of a permanent self. There is neither reality not not-reality; only relativity

The end result of such a view is that nothing should exist. Unless this 'rule' was transgressed at least once. It must have been. At one point, phenomena must have existed without any prior phenomenal existence to catalyse it's own.

Form and appearance create the world of myriad things, but the myriad things have identity only in relation to each other. Beyond identity, shunyata is an absolute reality that is all things and beings, unmanifested.

Hmm, I tend to dismiss such esoteric Buddhist dogma. Its easy to enunciate, but I wonder if it means anything? Who discovered this principle of emptiness and how? Genuine question, because I don't know much at all about the origin of buddhist cosmology.

When I talk about ego-loss being nihilistic, I should add that I don't believe nihilism is negative. I think it represents a sort of completely objective view of the universe, where things are just things that just are :D My own ego-loss experiences (principally via salvia, DMT, DPT, 5-MeO-DMT and ketamine) were quite liberating. I felt confused during the experiences but I felt relieved afterwards, knowing that there is no right or wrong way to 'do' life, given that reality and life seem entirely empty of higher philosophical meaning. But, I was unable to retain a lot of information from that state. I couldn't translate the experience into words or even thoughts. My relationship to reality

 

[bdomihizayka]

In Buddhism, there are the 9 Jhanas. They are all levels of altered consciousness/ perception. The meditation I practice is called shikantaza, or just precisely this. You sit there with all 6 senses open and just stare at the wall and look at whatever arises. You aren't suppose to be thoughtless or peaceful, it could be very much painful and annoying. You just sit there and don't engage in any of the 3 poisons when a thought pops up (passion-chasing the thought and entertaining it, aggression-trying to push the thought out of your head, ignorance-looking away from the thought) So it's just being aware and being in the here and now.

So with the Jhanas- you reach different levels of meditation. When experiencing these Jhanas, you are given a preview of "enlightenment" or what the world really is like WITHOUT your own personal commentary, thoughts, opinions, and ideas about everything.

And you can see that nothing is separate. I certainly saw it three times. I saw that nothing existed without everything else in relation to it. That's not even a good way to put it- trying to use any words to try and describe it is just like trying to describe color to a blind person.

The interesting thing is that all three times I've had Jhana experiences, I've kept it with me. I'm not perfect, I still have a hell of an ego, but the lesson from the experience is always with me and I changed dramatically each time. Very unlike LSD where I would kinda just sink back into my own skin and go about life with a cool memory.

The Buddha supposedly experienced enlightenment and shunyata. He was rich and well-to-do, but he was empty inside. Something was missing- or was wrong. So he went out on a quest for what THIS actually IS. He wanted to figure out reality. He sat for 49 days at the age of 35 under the Bodhi tree, and something clicked, and he wanted to teach others how to avoid suffering.

I'm not here to prove or disprove anything- just laying down my experiences

 

[Xorkoth]

I dislike the idea that passion is a poison. To me, passion is one of the things we're able to experience as a human that is special and beautiful and sublime.

In matters of spirituality and what's good for me, I am satisfied in the progress I have made by listening to myself. To me buddhism smacks of religion, ie, some external force trying to tell me how to be and what to strive for. Maybe I'll be proven wrong and this life will end up teaching me some sort of lesson because of that (we can never really know what "this" is, as our human selves at least), but I believe I know what is best for me, and passion is right up there at the top of things that are important to pursue. Participation in life and the world is, in my opinion, what we're supposed to be doing in our time as humans. Not trying to transcend it while we're still alive.

By the way I'm replying based on the thoughts your post brought up, not trying to say you're telling me what to do or anything.

 

[bdomihizayka]

I dislike the idea that passion is a poison. To me, passion is one of the things we're able to experience as a human that is special and beautiful and sublime.

In matters of spirituality and what's good for me, I am satisfied in the progress I have made by listening to myself. To me buddhism smacks of religion, ie, some external force trying to tell me how to be and what to strive for. Maybe I'll be proven wrong and this life will end up teaching me some sort of lesson because of that (we can never really know what "this" is, as our human selves at least), but I believe I know what is best for me, and passion is right up there at the top of things that are important to pursue. Participation in life and the world is, in my opinion, what we're supposed to be doing in our time as humans. Not trying to transcend it while we're still alive.

By the way I'm replying based on the thoughts your post brought up, not trying to say you're telling me what to do or anything.

My teacher would tell you or anyone else he isn't Buddhist. Once Buddhists gets the "message" many of them hang up their robes and become lay people. You see that everything in the world is a concept, even Buddhism, and there is nothing to do, nowhere to go. The concept of Buddhism helps one to reach the transcended state of seeing everything as it really is, without your thoughts, ideas, opinions, emotions, etc. put on top of it.

Buddhism is the only religion that tells you though, that if you don't agree with any of it, then you don't have to follow it. It allows and even invites you to question everything. That
s pretty cool.

I cannot tolerate dogma either. I refuse to take precepts. I refuse to do anything besides meditate, and even that took a long time, as I am highly opposition to anything organized and promising salvation. I need proof. And I got my proof by meeting my teacher. The dude just wasn't there- everywhere I looked and pressed- he wasn't there- I could find no ego in him. And so I took faith in that if I could meditate like he did, I can transcend my own ego and stop suffering.

Not everyone is made to meditate. I have a hole in my soul. I just feel like there's something more to all this or maybe not- but something doesn't sit right with me about human existence. I do suffer alot. If you're not suffering alot, then yea, why try and transcend it? :-D