Think ive lost ~5 years or so

[turdballs2]

Hello all,
Last night I think my brain created the proper chemicals to put me in a state of normalcy. I just got over a depressed episode (not sure of duration) but remember barely being able to drag myself to work. Then had a long weekend in which I was definitely manic, feeling like I had all the answers etc... I just got myself off of a fentyal binge to suboxne. But last night I realized that the mess I'm on are not working at all. Like my brain mustered all it's strength to put the chemicals in place to wave its hand up in the air like hey...this shit is not working!! @29 I started on Lamictal, abilify sent me into a crazy side effect state that the doc was raising and lowering my arm if I remember correctly. When I moved to another state in my 30's they said major depressive disorder not bipolar and started upping Lamictal and adding seroquil Celexa wellibutrin slowly until up to today. Last night in my clarity of not up or down I went to go take my meds and when I looked at the bottles I was confused, I know I have to take it due to a necessity of titration but wtf I was so...... I don't know sad. I feel like I need advice of people that live it rather than doctors who study it......

 

[turdballs2]

Maybe not advice but recognition?

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

Hi, turdballs2.
Welcome to blue light.
I see you.
There is little that I can offer other than the greeting but have known many that were put on "stacks" of meds and most of those cases have turned disastrous eventually. I am sorry that you are going through these symptoms and wish I had some insightful content that would ease your mind but alas these situations leave me speechless in regard to how some are fed so many pills and each have their own side effects that when bundled seem to cause more issues than what they intend to treat.
What do you mean by losing 5 years? Like you feel you haven't "been there" in your own body and in a haze of confusion or something totally different....
Hoping you find peace of mind eventually and can return to life as you wish.

 

[turdballs2]

I have probably been cycling through manic and depressive episodes and not fully lucid so kinda there but not there. My significant other said the last few years have been like the kids and significant are a unit and I drift in and out to help eat etc...