Think I'm done now

[Rollin70]

I haven't posted in years but have continued to roll on average 4 times per year. However,

So after going nuts at new year where I done 6 pills and a load of wine I went out last night with the intention of having a good night. Had 2 pills with me.took half barely felt it, took another half 60 mins in and then another full one ( well I say a full one probably less as it was all crumbly and powder) started to feel it around 2 hours in but to try and help push it along the way had a couple of beers. I still wasn't satisfied though so bought another 2. 1 taken straight away and another on way home when I knew it was pointless. Eventually I was fucked, how do I know? The look of several people gave me and the sympathetic ears they gave to my partner. Even on train home there was people who had been in the club but we didn't speak. I pretty much made a cunt of myself. I had good intentions to only do 1 full pill but it wasn't happening and I got greedy. Maybe it didn't happen as I possibly havent given it enough time since new year or maybe I just wasn't comfortable in the club. I obcess over this substance but it rarely does me any good. All week I've been on here just to make sure I had everything covered but again I fuck it up. I always do. I just feel tired now and a little cracked out. I've felt much worse in the past. That said I really need to quit this time. It's not a good look being that guy. Think is I associate going to clubs and taking mdma. Ridiculous really as I love the music without, just not sure that clubs are for me anymore. I just don't feel comfortable if I'm honest, then I take too much and people are like wtf. Not literally but it's the looks. Some might say I'm being paranoid but you just know when you have made a cunt of yourself.

 

[someguyontheinternet]

Just curious but how do you think you behaved to get those looks if you think the drugs weren't working?

 

[Rollin70]

Just curious but how do you think you behaved to get those looks if you think the drugs weren't working?

They certainly worked when I took more. You know that feeling where you know you have overdone it, your sloppy and although you can't see it yourself you know that your stood there looking all monged out. That's how I felt last night. It wasn't all in my head either. People there would talk with my partner but giving me a wide berth. Can't say I blame people, nobody wants to be around someone in a state.

 

[EntheoDjinn]

Looks to me that you've got some good insight into behaviour that you realise isn't working for you. Run with it and get into dialogue with someone you can trust who can help you put it all together to make change for the good.

 

[snmfmy]

They certainly worked when I took more. You know that feeling where you know you have overdone it, your sloppy and although you can't see it yourself you know that your stood there looking all monged out. That's how I felt last night. It wasn't all in my head either. People there would talk with my partner but giving me a wide berth. Can't say I blame people, nobody wants to be around someone in a state.

Your mistake was adding the alcohol. (Well at least one of your mistakes)

Alcohol fucks up your roll and it also makes people act like idiots on MDMA in My 25 years of rolling experience.

I have seen people drink and drop pills and not have it become a debacle, but I have never seen anyone take pills and drink and have a better time than if they hadn't had any alcohol, never not once.

 

[Rollin70]

Your mistake was adding the alcohol. (Well at least one of your mistakes)

Alcohol fucks up your roll and it also makes people act like idiots on MDMA in My 25 years of rolling experience.

I have seen people drink and drop pills and not have it become a debacle, but I have never seen anyone take pills and drink and have a better time than if they hadn't had any alcohol, never not once.

On this occasion I don't believe it was the alcohol. It was literally 2 bottles of beer. So around a pint. I had no intention of having any alcohol but was frustrated that nothing was happening on this occasion. I really don't know why this happened. Did I put too much pressure on myself to have a good night. Looking back I certainly didn't feel comfortable when I first arrived at the club. I've tried asking my partner if I did make a cunt of myself like I believe I did. She says I didn't and says I always think like this after a night out doing mdma. The thing is I don't believe her, I'm convinced by the end of the night I looked a state and that I didn't imagine the looks I was getting from people. I'm frustrated, don't really have the usual come down, usually last a week but I generally feel fine but a little anxious now. I like the idea of rolling but it rarely if ever works out. Then the come down and playing it over makes it not worth it.