Mental Health Think I can take a LOT more

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

that living this lie of a "life" is really getting to me and causing some deeply emotional anger at how we are moving "forward" in society.
I dont wanna die or kill others... not the issue.
My perspective on what is going on around us daily is having an impact not only on me but those I would spare these feelings of bitterness, unjust practices and being caged from.
I want out. I want to be in a place that I can contemplate the better things in life (nature mostly) at my own pace without worry of who I sell my skills to, how to pay bills, where my meals come from, why are we so destructive and hateful... the list goes on.
I am not from this time/place but am stuck here.
I want nature for natures sake and a clearer unadulterated view of who and what we are and where we connect with everything else.
We are given glimpses of this but through a lens created by others and the glass has faults and does not show the real "real" but close.
I dont need/want drugs I want to be among others that share what I feel for many years and heal. I am hurt and have been hurt physically and emotionally for many decades.
I know I am not the only one in this. This is bothersome as well.
But my overall health is declining and I know there are answers that can ease some or all of my messy life.
I do not want rehab, hospitals, drugs or European life advice.
I want to be around others away from the illusions of society and merge back to nature if there are any places like this... I do not care of any of the divisions taught and pushed (race, color etc) I want out wherever I can get it.
I am tired of being fed bullshit and living in it.
I want to be free from it.
Does anyone know of any communities that feel the same and will take in someone willing to do the work?
I do not see it going to get any better and I am a fairly decent observer of surroundings.

 

[jasperkent]

Does anyone know of any communities that feel the same and will take in someone willing to do the work?
I do not see it going to get any better and I am a fairly decent observer of surroundings.

As an old hippie (literally a child of the 60s), what I hear you describing is a rural commune. In the 60s and 70s many of these were founded and the vast majority of them failed for various reasons. The ones that survive are usually faith-based. Not all are cults per se, but they are all cult-like. I immediately think of The Farm here in Tennessee. If some folks could get together and establish a community with strong principles and dedicated participants without the religious crap, I might be interested. Check out the links below to get ideas about what they're doing right (and wrong):

The Farm (Tennessee) - Wikipedia

en.m.wikipedia.org

https://thefarmcommunity.com/

Edit: The first is Wiki's description (relatively objective) and the second is from The Farm Community itself.

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

Laying down our lives for others does not necessarily mean that we have to die for them, no? I mean:
"Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends." - not gettin jesus on ya just something that seems truism
Life is complicated for sure.
By continuing to live this lie and putting my "own" aside for the mental health/stability of another.... Even if they do not see this or recognize it for what it is.
There is a terrible struggle going on inside with this obviously.
Trying to justify not leaving or a small chink in the armor of selfishness...?
Not sure where a balance lays in this or could. But maybe. IDK, yet.
Although I may be alone when my body drops it would sadden me to no end if there were no one there when/if she passes.
Plus I think her mind is starting to degrade and has been for a while. She will argue this but admit it at the same time. If I left surely this would create a dread that I felt when she left me a few years ago.
Just wish my rebellious soul could come to grips with all this and quit driving me insane.
Giving up our own needs/wants/dreams for the benefit of others..............................................
My head is bad, ya'll. Been bad for quite a while.
Walkin on a tightrope for sure.

 

[n3ophy7e]

that living this lie of a "life" is really getting to me and causing some deeply emotional anger at how we are moving "forward" in society.
I dont wanna die or kill others... not the issue.
My perspective on what is going on around us daily is having an impact not only on me but those I would spare these feelings of bitterness, unjust practices and being caged from.
I want out. I want to be in a place that I can contemplate the better things in life (nature mostly) at my own pace without worry of who I sell my skills to, how to pay bills, where my meals come from, why are we so destructive and hateful... the list goes on.
I am not from this time/place but am stuck here.
I want nature for natures sake and a clearer unadulterated view of who and what we are and where we connect with everything else.
We are given glimpses of this but through a lens created by others and the glass has faults and does not show the real "real" but close.
I dont need/want drugs I want to be among others that share what I feel for many years and heal. I am hurt and have been hurt physically and emotionally for many decades.
I know I am not the only one in this. This is bothersome as well.
But my overall health is declining and I know there are answers that can ease some or all of my messy life.
I do not want rehab, hospitals, drugs or European life advice.
I want to be around others away from the illusions of society and merge back to nature if there are any places like this... I do not care of any of the divisions taught and pushed (race, color etc) I want out wherever I can get it.
I am tired of being fed bullshit and living in it.
I want to be free from it.
Does anyone know of any communities that feel the same and will take in someone willing to do the work?
I do not see it going to get any better and I am a fairly decent observer of surroundings.

I hear you man. I've grown fond of you and I care about you so it pains me to hear that you're feeling this way.
I don't have a lot of time to reply to this properly right now but I just wanted to quickly suggest: have you looked in to the tiny house phenomenon at all? Living a minimalist lifestyle with only the very bare minimum amount of things you need, and it can be done completely off-grid which means NO BILLS! You can even live in a renovated old school bus, or an old Winnebago. Get it all kitted out so you can comfortably live in it full time. It's a little obsession of mine, a definite pipe dream. I am always watching videos on youtube of tiny house renovations, building, off-grid fitouts, mobile home renos. It could be the answer to a lot of the things that are plaguing you.

 

[jasperkent]

Laying down our lives for others does not necessarily mean that we have to die for them, no? I mean:
"Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends." - not gettin jesus on ya just something that seems truism
Life is complicated for sure.
By continuing to live this lie and putting my "own" aside for the mental health/stability of another.... Even if they do not see this or recognize it for what it is.
There is a terrible struggle going on inside with this obviously.
Trying to justify not leaving or a small chink in the armor of selfishness...?
Not sure where a balance lays in this or could. But maybe. IDK, yet.
Although I may be alone when my body drops it would sadden me to no end if there were no one there when/if she passes.
Plus I think her mind is starting to degrade and has been for a while. She will argue this but admit it at the same time. If I left surely this would create a dread that I felt when she left me a few years ago.
Just wish my rebellious soul could come to grips with all this and quit driving me insane.
Giving up our own needs/wants/dreams for the benefit of others..............................................
My head is bad, ya'll. Been bad for quite a while.
Walkin on a tightrope for sure.

Isn't it true, though, that we can't truly be there for others if we don't take care of ourselves first?
Like in an airplane emergency. You're instructed to put on your own oxygen mask first...only then will you be able to help others if needed.

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

Isn't it true, though, that we can't truly be there for others if we don't take care of ourselves first?

She really has nobody else and I can hold my breath a lot longer than she... sometimes up to 2+ minutes.
I get it, though.
I really do.
I love you, brother.
I love you all....

tiny house

There are no monies for this and if it becomes available again ( $ ) I will buy my big ass chainsaw and do what I really want; build my own home and set up camp outta raw ass logs and shit (not literally shit lol).
Things just change so much from one day to the next life is flowing and the unexpected pops up always. It is maddening, friend... quite.
I must find a peace of sorts amidst these latter stage storms. I cannot run ATM so my only option is to stand and fight (so far as I can see). I am a good one at that. Just cry a lot....
Always looking for escape routes, though. If one presents > later. lol



Imma come back to this got many thoughts swirlin about

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

Isn't it true, though, that we can't truly be there for others if we don't take care of ourselves first?
Like in an airplane emergency. You're instructed to put on your own oxygen mask first...only then will you be able to help others if needed.

I usually don't post to commend but this is an exception. Without doubt this is true! Very wise. Very.

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

what if my health relies on the health of others...?
still in R&D phase

 

[jasperkent]

what if my health relies on the health of others...?
still in R&D phase

Elaborate?

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

Elaborate?

I hurt more when I see pain in others. If they have no one and are in need and I can provide and If I can see they are healthier for it this helps my frame of mind.
This is costly in practice (mentally) obviously to me through my postings at times but.
I will try to dig deeper and provide a clearer idea of what I mean....
1

to disconnect is to die off

 

[jasperkent]

I hurt more when I see pain in others. If they have no one and are in need and I can provide and If I can see they are healthier for it this helps my frame of mind.
This is costly in practice (mentally) obviously to me through my postings at times but.
I will try to dig deeper and provide a clearer idea of what I mean....
1

Oh, I can absolutely relate to that. I have a history of falling in love with damaged women-- I want to take care of them, make everything better. If a woman parts with me in better emotional shape than when we met, I consider that a win.

Some would call me codependent, but no. True codependency requires enabling, so that the hurting person will always need the codependent's support. I want healing.

Funny thing is, I eventually end up alone. Either she leaves me for an abusive/enabling man (like what she's used to in the past) OR she gains confidence and decides she doesn't need me any more. If it's the latter, I'm OK with it.

Fortunately I like my own company. I'm OK with just hanging out with my dog.

I know. I'm weird.

 

[AutoTripper]

that living this lie of a "life" is really getting to me and causing some deeply emotional anger at how we are moving "forward" in society.
I dont wanna die or kill others... not the issue.
My perspective on what is going on around us daily is having an impact not only on me but those I would spare these feelings of bitterness, unjust practices and being caged from.
I want out. I want to be in a place that I can contemplate the better things in life (nature mostly) at my own pace without worry of who I sell my skills to, how to pay bills, where my meals come from, why are we so destructive and hateful... the list goes on.
I am not from this time/place but am stuck here.
I want nature for natures sake and a clearer unadulterated view of who and what we are and where we connect with everything else.
We are given glimpses of this but through a lens created by others and the glass has faults and does not show the real "real" but close.
I dont need/want drugs I want to be among others that share what I feel for many years and heal. I am hurt and have been hurt physically and emotionally for many decades.
I know I am not the only one in this. This is bothersome as well.
But my overall health is declining and I know there are answers that can ease some or all of my messy life.
I do not want rehab, hospitals, drugs or European life advice.
I want to be around others away from the illusions of society and merge back to nature if there are any places like this... I do not care of any of the divisions taught and pushed (race, color etc) I want out wherever I can get it.
I am tired of being fed bullshit and living in it.
I want to be free from it.
Does anyone know of any communities that feel the same and will take in someone willing to do the work?
I do not see it going to get any better and I am a fairly decent observer of surroundings.

This is why I have committed at any potential expense, to Rifing Nano out of me mate.

It's a contract we are in, a prison.

I empathise honestly. You are a really great man and human with pure heart and open critical thinking mind. Real soul and a shining personality.

I bet you are a good observer too. Observation is the key after all. Not just looking, (not) seeing, deciding, case closed.


You say your health declines though. I would maybe just attempt to focus there first and foremost.

Organic celery juice, 16 OZ's daily, is one particularly powerful all round health regimen, detoxing, rejuvenating, antidepressant, anxiolytic.


I don't wanna patronise you mate, health advice etc.

But there is so much can be employed and make a really telling difference.

A rock and a hard place hey? Life on Prison Crater Earth.

I am bidding to escape the prison, given it everything the rest will be fate now.

It will sound like madness to most most.

 

[Crash Override]

I hurt more when I see pain in others. If they have no one and are in need and I can provide and If I can see they are healthier for it this helps my frame of mind.
This is costly in practice (mentally) obviously to me through my postings at times but.
I will try to dig deeper and provide a clearer idea of what I mean....
1

to disconnect is to die off

I absollutely get what you mean here man. I'm massively affected by the people aroundme, if they're suffering I kinda take it on board and put my shit aside, maybe feel worse for it but knowing I've helped somehow or even just listened to someone seems more important

 

[jasperkent]

I once had a girlfriend who called me a pain sponge.

She nailed it.

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

yeah
pain freak cause wtf i can take it but have to release it somehow or the ugly mf starts showin his ass

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

@jasperkent
good seed bro
you know
grow

 

[AutoTripper]

yeah
pain freak cause wtf i can take it but have to release it somehow or the ugly mf starts showin his ass

You can't unleash it on others? From my lol, Obsevstions! I am an observer too.

Your spirit grows though. The pain ironically serves.

You yearn to release it but not unleash it.

Which makes you a great man IMO. I wish I had an answer for you too.

Keep on though, know it is not in vain. I hurt too, but do not manage it as well as you appear to, and pain has now become overly destructive in my life. It dors need managing.

I have faith in you fwiw.

 

[RUC4]

Laying down our lives for others does not necessarily mean that we have to die for them, no? I mean:
"Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends." - not gettin jesus on ya just something that seems truism
Life is complicated for sure.
By continuing to live this lie and putting my "own" aside for the mental health/stability of another.... Even if they do not see this or recognize it for what it is.
There is a terrible struggle going on inside with this obviously.
Trying to justify not leaving or a small chink in the armor of selfishness...?
Not sure where a balance lays in this or could. But maybe. IDK, yet.
Although I may be alone when my body drops it would sadden me to no end if there were no one there when/if she passes.
Plus I think her mind is starting to degrade and has been for a while. She will argue this but admit it at the same time. If I left surely this would create a dread that I felt when she left me a few years ago.
Just wish my rebellious soul could come to grips with all this and quit driving me insane.
Giving up our own needs/wants/dreams for the benefit of others..............................................
My head is bad, ya'll. Been bad for quite a while.
Walkin on a tightrope for sure.

it seems there a two major issues going on here. you want to leave, but feel like you'd be abandoning "her", so you stay and kinda give up on you.

I don't necessarily think, for now, you need to change the scenery, just your perspective on the situation.

can this person go with you? are they ill? I'm assuming from the wording they are ill.

When I was ending college, a friend I are were thinking and planning to buy a small island off the coast of BC. and have our 'family', as we called it, all live there and coexist. not necessarily full on commune style. but just live peacefully with each other. we all hated our society and wanted out. I still feel this way, except 20 years later, society is SO SO much worse. and most of them have turned into their parents. they have just found their place in this bullshit and are hopping along. being simple sheeple. it still disappoints me.
I would be happy to join a zoom or whatever to connect with people who think the same way. it's not living far away commune style, but it is connecting with people who, like you, have the feeling that somethin ain't right with how we're living. this site serves to accomplish this a lot for me, but a zoom or whatever could take it a step further.

 

[RUC4]

This is why I have committed at any potential expense, to Rifing Nano out of me mate.

It's a contract we are in, a prison.

I empathise honestly. You are a really great man and human with pure heart and open critical thinking mind. Real soul and a shining personality.

I bet you are a good observer too. Observation is the key after all. Not just looking, (not) seeing, deciding, case closed.


You say your health declines though. I would maybe just attempt to focus there first and foremost.

Organic celery juice, 16 OZ's daily, is one particularly powerful all round health regimen, detoxing, rejuvenating, antidepressant, anxiolytic.


I don't wanna patronise you mate, health advice etc.

But there is so much can be employed and make a really telling difference.

A rock and a hard place hey? Life on Prison Crater Earth.

I am bidding to escape the prison, given it everything the rest will be fate now.

It will sound like madness to most most.

"rifing nano"? can you tell me what this is. rifing nano out of me mate?

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

can this person go with you? are they ill? I'm assuming from the wording they are ill

yes she needs help from someone who actually gaf about her well being. she is 15 or 16 yrs my senior.
the rest of your post i will reply to but need time to prosess and a bit slow atm.