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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

Things are not ok

Aren;t we all our own worst enemies?

I get fucked dreams all the time, sometimes proper night terrors, its fucking scary not only for me but I think I've traumatised a few other peopleI've shared a bed with too

I'm an ok dude too, I think......................

The dreams often turn into real life psychosis so I'm not gonna lie it's a bit worrying I dunno where this going. Either that or depression

The cycle continues and nothing is the right fucking thing
 
Ye...this dreams hurt.....and never could actually get proper scoring in da dream.in last moment something happened.....even cannot get stoned dreaming.....as long i have ma hands on something the dream is changed
 
Crash Override said:
They tend to get a bit panicky, throw more meds at me
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Same here, bro. They been doing this for decades to me and never any "progress" but usually adds other unwanted side effects.
We all experience a dif outcome though I suppose and am not throwing all docs in this pit... just those I have been to.
It is a business so this is a clue to how the med field is run.
IDK
 
6am-64-14m said:
Same here, bro. They been doing this for decades to me and never any "progress" but usually adds other unwanted side effects.
We all experience a dif outcome though I suppose and am not throwing all docs in this pit... just those I have been to.
It is a business so this is a clue to how the med field is run.
IDK
Click to expand...
I don't know either. They go into autopilot and follow the steps they're meant to take, sometimes at the expense of the right thing to do. But saying that and I hate to admit it but sometimes the intervention is necessary.
 
I've been to many therapists in the past. They vary a lot-- just like people in any profession. I remember a couple of terrible ones (one literally talked like a robot and another didn't seem to hear anything I said) and a few so-so ones. But a couple of them were really helpful and I actually looked forward to our sessions and even had a few laughs with them.
Sometimes you just have to shop around.
 
I don't really have the option to shop around. I just get given whoever is there and the turnover seems quite quick so it's often someone different. They do vary though. I had one once who didn't even look at me, just asked questions and made notes like I was homework or something.

This isn't getting any easier. No opiates for just over two weeks now but, fuck, the cravings are sky high today. I'm just not really going anywhere or seeing anyone because I know I will cave.
 
Crash Override said:
So I came home early from a night at the pub which is generally unheard of. I just don't want to be around people.

Like I said in my into post I've been clean off opiates since December when I got sectioned. Didn't get out of hospital until May, my longest stay for some time, so thats been... 5 months of freedom? Obviously I started drinking again as soon as I got out. I don't know. I feel like I'm just going back into the cycle again and fighting with my brain to decide whether I want to or not. I don't know what I want.

I can't seem to stop fucking up my life, whether that is with alcohol or drugs or my relationships with people. I can't seem to break the cycle of depression, followed by stopping meds, going back to various drugs and then it always comes crashing down pretty quickly after that and I quickly end up psychotic and sectioned.

Like right now, I have a job, I have a girlfriend, I have a home, things are ok. But they're really not ok. I don't know what help I'm asking for, maybe I just want someone to know.

Cheers guys.
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Hi there Crash Override,

So you went cold turkey off opiates/opioids but have a tough time managing your day to day life. Have you tried Opiod Replacement Therapy such as Suboxone or Methadone so that your mood throughout the day would be more steady thus allowing you to make other positive changes in your life before dropping in dosage of Suboxone or what have you.

Combining ORT(Opioid Replacement Therapy) with other therapy such as SMART Recovery(CBT) is believed to be a more effective way to treat addiction than by using ORT alone.

I personally couldn’t jump off opioids without ORT, I would always end up giving in and calling my dealer due to how uncomfortable I would always feel for over a week or two.

With peace and love.
 
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Opi_Kid_Rock said:
Hi there Crash Override,

So you went cold turkey off opiates/opioids but have a tough time managing your day to day life. Have you tried Opiod Replacement Therapy such as Suboxone or Methadone so that your mood throughout the day would be more steady thus allowing you to make other positive changes in your life before dropping in dosage of Suboxone or what have you.

Combining ORT(Opioid Replacement Therapy) with other therapy such as SMART Recovery(CBT) is believed to be a more effective way to treat addiction than by using ORT alone.

I personally couldn’t jump off opioids without ORT, I would always end up giving in and calling my dealer due to how uncomfortable I would always feel for over a week or two.

With peace and love.
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Hey. I haven't tried it before and I'm not too sure what to think about it to be honest. I don't know if it would be suitable as my use typically really yo-yos all over the place. I'll have a binge, then cold turkey, stay off a month or maybe two, then start up again, go cold turkey, etc. This last one was my longest stints so far though. I don't know how I feel about adding in more things to keep me stable, I already struggle enough keeping up with normal meds and phases of coming off everything. But I probably don't understand how it all works.
 
Crash Override said:
Hey. I haven't tried it before and I'm not too sure what to think about it to be honest. I don't know if it would be suitable as my use typically really yo-yos all over the place. I'll have a binge, then cold turkey, stay off a month or maybe two, then start up again, go cold turkey, etc. This last one was my longest stints so far though. I don't know how I feel about adding in more things to keep me stable, I already struggle enough keeping up with normal meds and phases of coming off everything. But I probably don't understand how it all works.
Click to expand...
The ask of ORT is for you to get off most non-prescribed substances and allow your body to stabilize your daily mood while you also seek out stability in other areas of your life.

In fact, while on ORT, the Doctors or Nurses would piss-test you for other substances so that you are not able to use most of the harmful street-drugs. Next, they will very gradually tapper you down to zero milligrams of say Suboxone.

Other prescribed psychiatric meds are allowed while on ORT.
 
6am-64-14m said:
No things are not OK.
WE need to get this figured out stat, imo.
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You ok man?

I dont think they ever will be ok. can't figure it out. I got into a fucking big time blow out with my family yet again, my little sis is the best and idolises me and I let her down again because i cant step up and get myself sorted. Gave in, went and scored the other night just to top it all off.I'm fucking done with this

Thank you everyone for your comments and support nd advice and stuff. it is appreciated I wish I could take it all on board
 
Crash Override said:
You ok man?
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Just answering your quesrion collectively. Could be wrong... maybe it is OK.
im am managing stress and shit with a little help but that high-tention-vibe is always under my mask.
on or off and i try to keep it off as much as possible.
We grow outta shit just like we grow into shit... nature. ;)
 
6am-64-14m said:
Just answering your quesrion collectively. Could be wrong... maybe it is OK.
im am managing stress and shit with a little help but that high-tention-vibe is always under my mask.
on or off and i try to keep it off as much as possible.
We grow outta shit just like we grow into shit... nature. ;)
Click to expand...
No i think your right. Its not ok. On a small local scale and on the wider one, the world is burning

I get ya. always something bubbling under the surface, it;s hard fucking working keeping it at bay.

maybe I'm still growing into this
 
Crash Override said:
Hey. I haven't tried it before and I'm not too sure what to think about it to be honest. I don't know if it would be suitable as my use typically really yo-yos all over the place. I'll have a binge, then cold turkey, stay off a month or maybe two, then start up again, go cold turkey, etc. This last one was my longest stints so far though. I don't know how I feel about adding in more things to keep me stable, I already struggle enough keeping up with normal meds and phases of coming off everything. But I probably don't understand how it all works.
Click to expand...

I would recommend maintenance therapy to any person who is struggling with long term opiate use, whether or not you're consistently using.

One of the reasons I went on sublocade (the Buprenorphine injection) last year was a one off use of heroin for the first time in over 3 years. I got it off the dark net and while in my city I was always prevented from having constant supply of heroin due to unavailability, I realised now I knew how to source it I was in deep trouble. I wasn't particularly dependent on the heroin obviously.

That to them was an acceptable reason to go back on maintenance therapy, as a preventative measure.

I can't put into words how great it is going to the clinic for 30 min once a month, getting my shot, then not spending a single moment of my time thinking about opiates or white knuckling any cravings. It's a simple life.

Depending on which country you reside in they are more or less lenient with allowing take home doses. In the Us It's fine, in my country it's normally supervised dosing.

The medication essentially stops you going into withdrawal, then stops cravings for opiates. It also blocks the effects of other opiates so you can't use on top of it, at least Buprenorphine does. Not methadone.

I finished a law degree using suboxone, a far cry away from almost dropping out at the worst of my substance use. It gives me my life back.

The one issue you may run into is that you have to return a positive piss test for opiates to commence on the therapy.
 
Crash Override said:
Aren;t we all our own worst enemies?

I get fucked dreams all the time, sometimes proper night terrors, its fucking scary not only for me but I think I've traumatised a few other peopleI've shared a bed with too

I'm an ok dude too, I think......................

The dreams often turn into real life psychosis so I'm not gonna lie it's a bit worrying I dunno where this going. Either that or depression

The cycle continues and nothing is the right fucking thing
Click to expand...

I also used to get violent night terrors, back before when I hadn't done some really hardcore therapy for my trauma. I used to spend 3-4 hours trying desperately to fall asleep only to jerk awake right before yelling and screaming and thrashing my arms around, and that would also happen 5-6 times a night too. Whenever I slept at friends houses (which I often did for a sense of safety with them) I always felt immensely guilty as I knew I had to have woken them up through the night. When I shared a house with a guy I played lacrosse with after I sobered up in August he had me sleep on my mattress on the floor in his room so that he could wake me up from any nightmares. When I first moved in with him after being homeless for 6 months or so he made the mistake of shaking me awake instead of calling my name and I nearly stabbed him with the knife I slept with at the time. He learnt not to do that in the future.

One of my friends suggested listening to boring podcasts while going to sleep when I admitted to my severe difficulties which did work, so I offer you the same advice. He also got me a white noise machine for my birthday that year which I still use, so again if this is helpful please take what you need from it. He also had severe PTSD from witnessing his best friend shoot himself in the head and commit suicide right in front of him because he got paranoid on coke, and he told me he needed to sleep with sound in the background or he would hear the sound of the gunshot repeatedly.
 
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