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The word SORRY (I don't believe in apologies anymore.)

Frog Dreams

Frog Dreams

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 17, 2023
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434
What is the value of the word sorry, unless the recipient needs it? (And should they?)

Do we feed their insecurities?
Is that good for them in the long term?

I have always raised my daughter to apologise and say thank you, but I've never really believed in social obligation in any form.

We should be sorry internally.
We should be sorry kneeling in front of God.
That is repentance. That makes sense to me.

Being sorry to man is more like tucking our tail between our legs.

There are no mistakes in the universe.
My journey is part of a learning process.
So why apologise for part of that journey?

Does an apology imply regret or shame for our actions?
I don't regret anything and I have no shame.

Or do we just say it to make others feel better?
(They would ultimately feel better if they stopped needing apologies.)

We should forgive without apology.
We should forgive unconditionally.

I don't need anyone to apologise to me.
It does nothing for me.

Sorry doesn't change what happened.
It's a punishment. It's shaming. It is wrong.

...

Thoughts?
 
Whether it’s appropriate or not depends on the specific circumstances I think. But it can encourage humility & let people know that you made a mistake and aren’t just an asshole who’s trying to fuck them over
 
Yeah I don't like the word either. Lots of ways to admit being wrong or at fault without calling yourself sorry
 
Frog Dreams said:
What is the value of the word sorry, unless the recipient needs it? (And should they?)

Do we feed their insecurities?
Is that good for them in the long term?

I have always raised my daughter to apologise and say thank you, but I've never really believed in social obligation in any form.

We should be sorry internally.
We should be sorry kneeling in front of God.
That is repentance. That makes sense to me.

Being sorry to man is more like tucking our tail between our legs.

There are no mistakes in the universe.
My journey is part of a learning process.
So why apologise for part of that journey?

Does an apology imply regret or shame for our actions?
I don't regret anything and I have no shame.

Or do we just say it to make others feel better?
(They would ultimately feel better if they stopped needing apologies.)

We should forgive without apology.
We should forgive unconditionally.

I don't need anyone to apologise to me.
It does nothing for me.

Sorry doesn't change what happened.
It's a punishment. It's shaming. It is wrong.

...

Thoughts?
Click to expand...
so if you went into a shop and accidentally knocked an old woman over by opening a door forcefully...you would not say sorry?

there are a lot of "shoulds" in your post, perhaps you could consider why? why should we (only?) be sorry internally? Why all the other 'shoulds'?

Rhetorical question for your own consideration - I'm not after any answers from you
 
It's a way of taking responsibility indicating you recognize it was your bad. It is like a dog putting its tail between its legs but sometimes this is appropriate. For example, if a dog accidentally walks into the territory of a bigger, fiercer dog and doesn't want to get attacked or killed, the proper response is to back away with its tail between its legs. There are equivalent circumstances in human society.
 
I prefer “my bad”

“Yknow, I get that people are wanting me to acknowledge the error of my ways in killing all those people, but lemme just say this: my bad, your honor. My bad.” :cry:
 
You can still use it in a situation with no malicious intent
 
When I was a kiddo, when I fucked up and got caught doing something I wasn’t supposed to, I would try to apologize.
My father would just say “don’t say sorry, just please don’t do it again”

Not sure what that means for you and the word sorry. But for me it goes back to thinking before I put my words and actions into play. Shit has stuck with me since I was a wee’ lad

Be good y’all
Always, fair winds and following seas
 
Other thoughts though...
I feel the same way in the sense of the word "sorry" (shout out to all the FLIP skateboarders out there,..that team just had to apologize for kicking so much ass..forever classic.)

Anyhow, yeah sure it does nothing and really doesn't hold any weight when you or someone is trying to apologize for whatever wrong doing beyond bumping into somebody on a accident.

I say sorry too much. So much, that co-workers would be like why are you apologizing?? And in relationships I realized now that I do not need to say it at all, especially over a misunderstanding or miscommunication..but it is still warranted eventually, depending on the situation.

Sorry for being me? Yeah fuck that I feel ya on that one.

But as far as loyalty goes, sorry may not fix the problem like something I read online, "Trust does not come with a refill".

On the flip side of this, IT IS IMPORTANT TO FORGIVE, MOSTLY TO NOT HOLD A GRUDGE!
like Tool song,
"Wear the grudge like a crown--DRAGS you down like a stone and consumes you until YOU choose to LET THIS GO"
 
Actions which are regretful either have right intention or not and have effects on others. It may benefit another or even hurt them depending on the circumstantial context.
 
My wife hasn't forgiven me for pretty much anything I've ever done. She has a vault in her heart where she keeps record of everything I've ever done / said wrong. I refer to it as her "filling cabinet".

Sometimes, she'll bring up stuff I've done 8+ years ago. Stuff I've already apologized about repeatedly... If she can't let go of that stuff, I'm going to move on.

I do my best to forgive her immediately when she does something. These days, I pretty much forgive everyone immediately. If not immediately, very shortly afterwards when I have a second to think. Forgiveness in my heart is absolute (or I aspire to have absolute forgiveness, if I don't already) because to not forgive is to invite misery into your soul. Also, I believe in determinism. People do bad things because they are lost, not because they are bad people.

When she started dating me, I was a full blown intravenous junkie. I warned her repeatedly against starting a relationship with me.

Why do people withhold forgiveness? Forgiveness costs nothing and it can happen the blink of an eye. It is a decision we make, not to forgive... but why?

I suspect it is manipulative.
 
Yeah same here. She will not forgive me for all kinds of shit and well, we may be fine and everything cool, but once I do something let's say selfish; all hell breaks loose and the chains come off that "full cabinet of grudges" shit she may never truly forgive me for and in her own right, I am ok with it.

Not ok with all of it of course but the real bad shit that I fucked up in life, I understand why and even though I've made peace with it, still remains regret but my inner peace out weighs it.

I feel I do not need to apologize for all the things in my life that I did wrong on purpose nor go into the Catholic Church I haven't attended since idk 12yrs old, to repent to a priest..I am at peace with my stroll in life and my spiritual journey., God would understand why I do the things I continue to do..according to church or the good book I do feel that he knows what I am going to do next and how all will pan out... Kind of like my own kids, no matter what they do in this life, I know they will make mistakes and very stupid decisions because that's how you learn but I could never stay mad and wouldn't just beat them down emotionally all the time because of grudges. I simply would teach or explain cause & effect, consequence and discipline but never hold a dark asshole cloud over their head.
I do feel that their's a sort of inertia in this world yang to ying and karma for that matter.. and everyone must live and learn.
 
Fuck priests. I go direct to God. I don't do this because of shame. I do it because it is the only way I know how to completely forgive myself. That regret that remains can go away forever. With complete inner peace, there is no fear or shame or regret. You love everyone and you forgive everyone and you appreciate everything that has ever happened to you, good and bad, because that's part of who you are.

Loved the post, @Opana313.

according to church or the good book I do feel that he knows what I am going to do next and how all will pan out.
Click to expand...

She knows.

Morality isn't a concern for God. God isn't concerned about anything.

Self-forgiveness serves the self, not Her.

Regret nothing.
 
When I get far enough out there I realize no one has ever done anything to me. No reason for them to be sorry. No forgiveness needed. But that is when we look at life from a real high place. (like FD said no mistakes in the Universe, there is unconditional Love) Not thinking any of us are at that high place except is some situations. Most of the time I am not, I am a lowly human for now.

Forgiveness, like apologies help the person that they come from more than who it is directed at.

But each action we do is kept in memory, tucked away. Which is why it helps the person that it comes from. And when we finally get to that high level of life some of those memories may haunt us. Some may make us wish we did something different that we did. That is called growth. A lot of people never get that far and make the same mistakes over and over. Almost for lifetimes. Then others analyze and grow everyday.

But we are human. Apologies are just part of our lives.
 
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