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The waiting game is cruel and unusual torture...

FunctionalJnkieGrl said:
Thank you so much for your concern. I'm doing okay for now, I suppose. But yeah, pharmaceuticals are hard to come by these days and getting blues is no cake walk either. Mostly because the prick who gets them doesn't give a fuck about how much pain his customers are in and he'll make you wait forever unless he gets worried that you'll spend your money elsewhere. Even a couple hundred bucks isn't enough to get him to put it in 3rd gear half of the time. If one things for sure, I'm getting tired of getting the runaround for just enough to hold me over for a week at best. It sucks, but I'm hanging in there.
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Wow poor customer service, he probably is a heavy user. The purely for the money types are more prompt, from what I have observed.
 
FunctionalJnkieGrl said:
...But knowing you're about to score is almost better than the high itself. Am right?
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My mum always points out, like...when I'm in withdrawal and waiting for my meds to arrive "You seem much better already and you haven't even taken anything yet" 'cause the euphoria I get when I HAVE the stuff or have taken it but it hasn't kicked in yet gets rid of all of the mental part of the WD. Like, just physicallly having the stuff gets rid of all that depression/anxiety/anhedonia
 
paranoid android said:
I do not miss waiting on my opiate script at all. I dont miss being addicted and waiting and counting down the fucking seconds till your good again. Fuck that
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Counting down the hours and minutes is terribbbblleee.
Like, to the point I once smashed my finger with a hammer to get opioids immediately even though my script was due in like 20 hours.
 
FunctionalJnkieGrl said:
Thank you so much for your concern. I'm doing okay for now, I suppose. But yeah, pharmaceuticals are hard to come by these days and getting blues is no cake walk either. Mostly because the prick who gets them doesn't give a fuck about how much pain his customers are in and he'll make you wait forever unless he gets worried that you'll spend your money elsewhere. Even a couple hundred bucks isn't enough to get him to put it in 3rd gear half of the time. If one things for sure, I'm getting tired of getting the runaround for just enough to hold me over for a week at best. It sucks, but I'm hanging in there.
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I had a guy like that. If it got to be long enough that I felt he was taking the piss, I'd always just text him "Oh, nevermind, it's cool. My other guy can be here in half an hour." - I guarantee he'd always suddenly be able to get to me in 20 mins lol.
 
FunctionalJnkieGrl said:
Opioid dealers are usually jerks, yes. That being because they either don't care how miserable you feel or they're addicted too and they are their own first priority as well as the rest of us.
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back in Italy they were either low level mafiosos that enjoyed humiliating you in every way possible or addicts , yeah. In the Uk I ve found more professionalism and even a sense of "we are in it together', especially in Scotland. Until finally I moved to Brazil and all my dreams came true.I get my shit from pharmacies (no scripts needed)!!!!!
 
Jnowhere said:
In the past, I was not someone who would drink or whatever in moderation, but my fear of opiod withdraw and benzo withdraw, has me, having leftovers each month. And some stashed for an emergency.
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I have cut my dependency down to where I only need 180mg Codeine and 20mg morphine a day not not withdraw (about 1/5th of what I used to need) but due to pain, I usually take twice that so my tolerance will probably go up a bit again.
I'm off benzo, too, 'cause the withdrawal is so horrible. It's like a panic attack the never ends. Plus, benzo withdrawal triggers grand mal seizures for me. The last time it happened my dad was in the room and said he doesn't know how he was quick enough but managed to jump over and shove me so I fell in the opposite direction I was going to or my head would have smacked off the corner of the coffee table. Which would have ended very badly.
 
Back in the day (when I was young...), texting the fuckers and finding out you had to mission 3 hours on transit through half the Golden Horseshoe to pick up would both hype us up and depress us at the same time. Of course we were young and broke so we always had to do this just to buy one night's supply. Now you load up once in a blue moon and ride it til you almost feel too old to be fucking with it anymore....or, more depressingly, just hit the liquor shop down the road.
 
ChemicallyEnhanced said:
I have cut my dependency down to where I only need 180mg Codeine and 20mg morphine a day not not withdraw (about 1/5th of what I used to need) but due to pain, I usually take twice that so my tolerance will probably go up a bit again.
I'm off benzo, too, 'cause the withdrawal is so horrible. It's like a panic attack the never ends. Plus, benzo withdrawal triggers grand mal seizures for me. The last time it happened my dad was in the room and said he doesn't know how he was quick enough but managed to jump over and shove me so I fell in the opposite direction I was going to or my head would have smacked off the corner of the coffee table. Which would have ended very badly.
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Why the hell do I learn more on here than from the doctors. I knew about opiod withdraw, but I assumed benzo withdraw, I thought it would be like alcohol withdraw. The doctor who first put me on benzos never warned about years of use and horrible withdraw and the very slow process to get off them. At least I was told valium( diazepam) is easier to get off than short acting benzos; I switched from Ativan ( lorazepam). But still 7+ years, I think I am to blame for most of my problems, but wasn't warned how long or how bad benzo withdraw can be. I learned about it a while ago on here. Same with long lasting benzos, being a bit easier to get off, of.
Barbiturates are the worst, I heard, but who gets barbiturates anymore, at least not the good ones? Their are weaker ones prescribed but I mean seconal, nembutal, ect....The ones prescribed in the 60's and 70's. I wish I could get 4 a month or about once a week, I have good self control and I would like 1 night a week of good sleep.
 
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Jnowhere said:
Why the hell do I learn more on here than from the doctors.
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Frankly - most doctors have no experience with withdrawal from drugs. Some develop dependence during the course of practice, and as a result, lose their ability to practice medicine. Given that many physicians are the result of around 20 years total in either school or residency, there's not a lot of time to develop a dependence in ways that would go undetected. Folks that do get weeded out, some return to finish later, but it's simply not that common.

As a result, what they know about this stuff is what they read about, may be biased by marketing from drug makers, and is also part of a mindset that focuses on empirical objective observation as the way one understands a health issue. Much of the torture of withdrawal is not the objective measures of withdrawal (high blood pressure, tachycardia, or diaphoresis - for example) it's the subjective feelings of existential dread, complete loss in the ability to muster basic volition to do anything, or the lack of basic tools to know how to manage stress (since drugs are how we learned to cope with stress, take them away and you're dealing with a lot of bad shit without any real coping skills). Most of this stuff is common knowledge amongst us 'degenerates' - being a heroin addict taught me much more about how to help people than my years of grad school did after I got clean while at the same time, graduate education allowed me to earn that professional credibility and helped me to have a defined scope of practice/professional ethics etc.

Ultimately, we are in a time of infancy when it comes to people with lived experience being able to use those skills in a professional way. There is tremendous stigma around us, and our opinions/views/experiences - we are unreliable reporters in the eyes of establishment medical practitioners - but with a little professional credibility, you can have much more control over how people see you, what they're willing to listen to you about, and how much value they put on what you say. I have always liked that I can walk in two very different worlds and speak the language of either one fluently.
 
ChemicallyEnhanced said:
My mum always points out, like...when I'm in withdrawal and waiting for my meds to arrive "You seem much better already and you haven't even taken anything yet" 'cause the euphoria I get when I HAVE the stuff or have taken it but it hasn't kicked in yet gets rid of all of the mental part of the WD. Like, just physicallly having the stuff gets rid of all that depression/anxiety/anhedonia
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Well said. Same here 100%.
 
ChemicallyEnhanced said:
I had a guy like that. If it got to be long enough that I felt he was taking the piss, I'd always just text him "Oh, nevermind, it's cool. My other guy can be here in half an hour." - I guarantee he'd always suddenly be able to get to me in 20 mins lol.
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That's worked for me sometimes as well.
 
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